FUN CORNER

 
LIST OF JOKES
 
  • Various Jokes
  • Choose Your Hell
  • The Pastor's Donkey
  • Where were you when brothers used to write letters with dictionaries?
  • Warri For Real
  • R150
  • Relocating
  • HIV Reality - Get a Good laugh
  • Rich Man's Wahala
  • Power of A Woman
  • Africans
 
 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A housewife could not find her underwear and suspected the house girl of stealing it. After several strokes of the whip, the housegirl yelled "madam I no steal your pant o, me I no dey wear pant o, oga is my witness"

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 A man forgot to zip up, so a lady told him,you left your garage open , the man gave her a naughty smile as he zips up and asks , did u see my HUMMER parked inside ?? The woman smiles back and replies , no I just saw the MINI GOLF with 2 flat tyres.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A man is dying of cancer but he keeps telling everybody that he's dying of aids and when his son asked him' dad why do u keep telling everybody that you're dying of aids' he replied and said' it because when I die I don't want anybody to go near you mother.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A beautiful, sexy, good looking lady was sitting next to a guy in a plane...... The lady said to him ' Can you help me remove something from my breast pls? ' The exciting young man replied, 'Wow! It will be my pleasure....... So what is it?' The lady answered, "Your Eyes, idiot!"

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

There is a family with 4 children, Government made a public announcement to the citizens that,if u have five children you will get £50,000 per month as grant to support the family. The man told his wife directly "honey, I must admit, em...
I have a child with my girl friend and I am going to bring him". She gazed at him in shock, he could not wait but dashed out to fetch the son. When he returned, he was amazed to see just two of his children remaining. HE asked his wife: honey, where are the other two children? She replied, " you were not the only person that heard the announcement......their fathers have come to take them....:
DO ME I DO U ………

 
 
 

CHOOSE YOUR HELL

A sinful man died and went straight to HELL.

There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.

He decides he'll pick the least painful to spend his eternity.

He goes to Germany Hell and asks, 'What do they do here?'

He is told 'first they put you in an electric chair for an hour.

They lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.

Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day'.

The man does not like the sound of that at all so he moves on.

He checks out the USA Hell as well as the Russia Hell and many more.

He discovers that they are all similar to the German hell.

Then he comes to the Cameroonian Hell

And finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in.
Amazed, he asks, 'What do they do here?'

He is told 'first they put you in an electric chair for an hour.

Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
The Cameroonian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.

'But that is exactly the same as all the other hells.

 

Why are there so many people waiting to get in? 'asked the man.

'Because there is never any electricity, so the electric chair does not work.

The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on.

And, on top of it, the Cameroonian devil used to be a Civil Servant,

So he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home for private business.

 CHOOSE YOUR HELL

  

 

The Pastor's Donkey


The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
 The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered in another race and it won again.  The local paper read:
 PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
 The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in any more races. The next day the local paper headline read:
 BISHOP SCRATCHES THE PASTOR'S ASS.
 This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.
 The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.  The local paper, hearing of the news, Posted the following headline:
 NUN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN.
 The Bishop fainted.   He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey  so she sold it to  a farmer for $10.  The next day the headlines read:
 NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
 This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the high plains where it could run free.  The next day the headlines read:
 NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
 

Alas ... The Bishop was buried the next day.

 MORAL OF THE STORY???

 Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life.
 So, be yourself and enjoy life!!!
 Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll live longer

  

WHERE WERE YOU, WHEN BROTHERS USED TO WRITE LETTERS WITH DICTIONARIES  

If you never received letters like these, you know nothing

Classic...

Dear Sugar,
Time and ability plus double capacity has forced my pen to dance automatically on this benedicted sheet of paper. Why this miraculous thing happened is because honey I love you spontaneously and as I stand horizontal to the wall and perpendicular to the ground I only think of you, since you are a fantastic and fabulous girl. Darling please Stop haranguing with the feelings in my heart because I love you more than a snake loves rat. To me each day starts by thinking of you and ends by dreaming of you. Each time I see you my metabolism suddenly stops and my peristalsis goes in reverse gear. My medular-oblangata also stops functioning.
Crazy crazy crazy you may say but this is true. If only you knew what is going on in my encephalon you would understand. That's why I need to see you face to face with you, soon. I think I have to pen-off here because I still haven't finished studying electrolysis and polymerization. Catch you later. Sleep tight and don't let those bed bugs bite you coz you are too sweet a thing for them.
Yourz Ever,
 

REPLY
Dear Honie,
My Love, My Sugar, I was exasperated with pride to have received one from you, the lungs in my body flapped with joy when I have been reading your letter. Anyway by now you have reached the realisations to why I am jotting this small letter to you, yes it is to see if you are keeping with the sands of time.
How is everything on that other side of yours? Well here everything is just half lemon half sugar to make it Schweppes. How is your schooling? How are you pulling the wagons of life? I am just pulling the schooling thing like a donkey pulling a cart.

My honie, I am missing you very much right now, my heart is perambulating with every word that I write, if it was not for these oceans that decided to flow between us then I would get on the next bus to come and see you, but until then I know that I will not hesitate to put this blue blood on this paper and write to you. I remember that day lovie, that one sweet day as Maria Carey sanged it, you know that it is my favourite song honie. The one day that we were boarding the transport and you escorted me to my home, walking with you just brought sweet dreams to me for the rest of my life honie.

If words of love could ride a bicycle I would be competing against mariah carey Anyways, I will not stop you from reading the books that give you life and education so I will stop here for today.
Please always  be writing to me because I am missing you like sugar misses tea.

Keep well my mop of my heart, Yours in flesh and in blood. And have a nice day

 

Warri for Real!!!

MUM:Akpos dat fish and meat don boil?

AKPOS: yes malee.

MUM : abeg implicate salt,and maggie,attach oil, pepper and sentence the crayfish, then involve the leaves, after 10mins discharge the pot from fire... u dey hear me so?

AKPOS: Yes male. Shoo dis food go good to download with fufu malee

MUM: No worry akpo i don detain some fufe 4 .....cooler, when time reach we go give am Amnesry.

 

R150
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation in Jerusalem .While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her buried here in the Holy Land for R150 or we can have her shipped back home for R5000. The husband thought about it and told the undertaker he would have her shipped back home. The undertaker asked him, "why would you spend R5000 to have her shipped home when you could have a beautiful burial here, and it would only cost R150????" The husband replied, "Long ago, a man(JESUS) died here, was buried here, and three days later, rose from the dead. I Just cant take that chance!"

 

RELOCATING

A man who makes caskets was on his way to deliver one of the coffins when his car broke down.Trying not to be late, he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.

The Nigerian Police saw him and wanted to make some money off him, so they challenged him. "Hey!!! wetin you carry, Where you dey carry that thing go?!"

Trust an Igbo man... 

 "I no like the place where them bury me, so I dey try relocate".

The Police men all took to their heels!

 

HIV REALITY - GET A GOOD LAUGH

 
An African boy in Europe called his mum & told her dat he just contacted HIV-AIDS.
His mother knelt down & started begging him not to ever come back home..
He simply asked why & his mum said,
if you come back, ur wife go get HIV too,
she go pass am to John, your younger broda.
If John get am, dat means our house girl don get am,
she self go pass am to ur papa, this means I go get am too.
As I get am so, our driver don get am be dat..himself go pass am to ur younger sister, Becky.
If Becky get am, our village don get am ohhhh..I beg no come home..Save our village ohh
 
 
 
RICH MAN'S WAHALA
 
Once while visiting a very rich friend, the
  maid   approached me and......
         
   Question:
  What would you like to have, fruit juice, soda, tea, chocolate, cappuccino, frapuccino  or coffee?
 
    Answer:    Tea please.
 
    Question :   Ceylon tea, Indian tea, herbal tea, bush tea, honey bush tea, iced tea or green tea?
 
    Answer:     Ceylon tea please.
 
    Question :  How would you like it, black or white?
   
    Answer:    White.
 
    Question : Milk or fresh cream?
 
    Answer:    With milk.
   
    Question : Goat's milk or cow's milk?
   
    Answer;    With cow's milk please.
   
    Question : Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?
 
    Answer:    Umm, think I'll just take it black.
   
    Question : Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?
   
    Answer:    With sugar.
   
    Question : Beet sugar or cane sugar?
   
    Answer:    Cane sugar.
   
    Question : White, brown or yellow sugar?
 
    Answer:   Oya, forget about the tea, just give me a glass of water instead.
   
    Question :Mineral water, tap water or distilled water?
   
    Answer:    Mineral water.
   
    Question : Flavored or non-flavored?
 
    Answer:    Abeg, I think I'll just die of thirst.
                     
   Which kind wahala be dis.
 
 

The Power of Woman

There were 11 people - ten men and one woman - hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter.

They all decided that one person should get off, because if they didn't, the rope would break and everyone would die.

No one could decide who should go, so finally, the woman gave a really touching speech saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children, giving in to men, and not receiving anything in return.

When she finished speaking, all the men started clapping.

 

 
AFRICANS
 
Please read Soooooooooooo funny!!
 

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new chairman for Microsoft Eastern Europe. Five thousand candidates assembled in a large room. Ayodele, a Nigerian guy, was one of the candidates.

Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asked those who do not know Java program to leave. Two thousands candidates left the room. Ayodele says to himself, “I do not know Java but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I’ll give it a try.

Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people to leave. Two thousand left the room. Ayo says to himself “I never managed anybody but myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me? So he stays, then Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not have management diploma to leave. Five hundred people left the room. Ayodele says to himself, “I left school at 15 but what have I to lose? So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill asked the candidates who do not speak Serb-Croatian to leave. 498 candidates left the room. Ayodele says to himself, “I do not speak Serb-Croatian but what do I have to lose? So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone. Bill Gates joined them and said, “Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serb-Croatian, so I’d like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.


Calmly, Ayodele turns to the other candidate and says “Wahala dey o!”.


The other candidate answers “Oh, Oga na wah oooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!”


Bill Gates “ You are both hired”.


Don’t you just love Africans. Any day, anytime, anywhere, they never give up. So don’t give up, u will lose nothing by trying more.

 

 


Lourdes