Muskogee High School

THE 30 GREATEST GUITAR RIFFS

 

Can you name all thirty riffs? Dwayne Smither produced this file, so he knows the answers.

 

THEN & NOW

• Sociology exam -- Prostate exam
• Going to sleep at 4 a.m. -- Waking up at 4 a.m.
• Keg parties -- Tupperware parties
• Long hair -- No hair
• Hot babes -- Hot flashes
• Hours of enjoyment with a $4 Frisbee -- Hours of frustration with a $900 set of golf clubs
• Progressive politics -- Progressive bifocals
• Getting high -- Getting high blood pressure
• Beer kegs that flowed to the max -- Bladders in desperate need of FLOMAX
• Lying to our parents about what we did in college -- Lying to our children about what we did in college
• Starting Saturday night at 10 p.m. -- Concluding Saturday night at 10 p.m.
• Poli Sci -- PoliGrip
• Studying ancient history -- Remembering ancient history
• Thinking people in their 30s were old timers -- Thinking people in their 30s are young pups
• Hundreds of vinyl albums stored in a heavy wooden crate -- Hundreds of digital albums stored in a 2-ounce iPod
• Hoping we wouldn't have to move back in with our parents -- Hoping our kids won't move back in with us
• Greek fraternities -- Grecian Formula
• Wishing our parents would leave us alone -- Wishing our kids would call once in awhile
• Amazed at Bruce Springsteen's endurance during a 3-hour concert -- Amazed at Bruce Springsteen's endurance during a 3-hour concert
• Bushy mustache -- Bushy ear hair
• Deciding where to live -- Deciding where to be buried
• Trying to discover the meaning of life -- Trying to discover the meaning of death
• Focused on finding happiness -- Realizing happiness comes when we stop focusing on it
• Thinking people in their 50s were ancient fossils -- Knowing people in their 50s are just hitting their prime

 

HOLLYWOOD SQUARES

These great questions and answers are from the days when 'Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.

Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A.. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty..

Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question, Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately, Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body. What is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple has a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh