A MATTER OF LAUGH OR DEATH

Come to think of it, not much has changed in 25 years

It’s hard to believe it has been 25 years since Graduation Day, 1984. It’s hard to believe after this many years, we continue to say, “It’s hard to believe…” What did we think, that we were immune to the passage of time?

That we would remain forever in our 20s? That we were the first genera­tion in history that would not wake up one day and discover we were now in our 40s, and for some of us, our kids are older than we were when we graduated?

Yes, that’s exactly it. We never thought we’d ever get old. Or, at least, we never thought it would happen so darn quickly. There’s an old expres­sion: The more things change, the more they stay the same. Well, there’s another old expression: The more things change, the more they REALLY change.

Here is a list that demonstrates how much things indeed have changed during the past 25 years.

Each couplet describes something we were doing back in 1984, followed by what we instead are doing now in 2009.

Sociology exam – Prostate exam.

Going to sleep at 4 a.m. – Waking up at 4 a.m.

Keg parties – Tupperware parties.

Long hair – No hair.

Hot babes – Hot flashes.

Hours of enjoyment with a $4 Fris­bee – Hours of frustration with a $900 set of golf clubs.

Progressive politics – Progressive bifocals.

Getting high – Getting high blood pressure.

Beer kegs that flowed to the max – Bladders in desperate need of FLO­MAX.

Lying to our parents about what we did in college – Lying to our children about what we did in college.

Starting Saturday night at 10 p.m. – Concluding Saturday night at 10 p.m.

Poli Sci – PoliGrip.

Studying ancient history – Remem­bering ancient history.

Thinking people in their 30s were old timers – Thinking people in their 30s are young pups.

Hundreds of vinyl albums stored in a heavy wooden crate – Hundreds of digital albums stored in a 2-ounce iPod.

Hoping we wouldn’t have to move back in with our parents – Hoping our kids won’t move back in with us.

Greek fraternities – Grecian formu­la.

Wishing our parents would leave us alone – Wishing our kids would call once in a while.

Amazed at Bruce Springsteen’s en­durance during a 3-hour concert – Amazed at Bruce Springsteen’s en­durance during a 3-hour concert.

Bushy mustache – Bushy ear/nose hair.

Deciding where to live – Deciding where to be buried.

Trying to discover the meaning of life – Trying to discover the meaning of death.

Focused on finding happiness – Re­alizing happiness comes when we stop focusing on it.

Now that the Class of ‘84 has ac­quired age and guile, we too under­stand that the experience gained during the past twenty-five years far out­weighs youth, innocence, and especial­ly those hideous 1980s-style haircuts.

Which brings us to our final 1984-2009 couplet Thinking people in their 40s were ancient fossils – Knowing people in their 40s are just hitting their prime.

Well, at least that’s our story and we’re sticking to it. Have a great re­union!

Jim,

I told Joynt that after reading your poem I didn't know whether to feel depressed or consoled for being in such good company during the aging process.   

Thanks Digger...I just completed my profile on Jim's little creation here and I was gonna add the house party that I had at the same time that three of my other siblings had secretly planned as well without each other knowing ahead of time. Same date-Same Place-Parents out of town-and a Big ol' mess; however, I didn't post it because I couldn't remember which idiot it was that dropped that darn quart of beer while attempting to relieve himself in the upstairs bathroom which ripped off half of the porcelain in the bowl. Now, I know who it was, DAVE JOYNT!!!! Donna still hasn't forgiven you for that surprise spritz that she received down below when she courtesy flushed that darn toilet.