This Just In From Linda Pruehs Pratt:  "I  don't want to brag or make anybody jealous,  but.............I can still fit into the earrings I  wore in high  school."

From Jeff Vennard

  "$5.37." That's what the kid behind  the counter at Taco Bell said to me. I dug into my pocket and  pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that  used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck  to grab some change, when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said  the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me.
 

"Only $4.68," he said cheerfully.  He  said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen  discount."

I stood there stupefied. I am 58, not  even 60 yet. A mere child! Senior citizen? I took my  burrito and walked out to the truck, wondering what was  wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood  began to boil. Old? Me? I'll show him, I thought. I  opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the  counter, and there he was waiting with a smile. 
 
Before I could say a word, he held up  something and jingled it in front of me, like I could  be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler? 
 
"Dude! Can't get too far without your  car keys, eh?"
I stared with utter disdain at the  keys. I began to rationalize in my mind. "Leaving keys behind  hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to  anyone!"
I turned and headed back to the truck. I  slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. 

What now? I checked my keys and  tried another. Still nothing. That's when I noticed the  purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror. I had no  purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror. 

Then, a few other objects came into  focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy  Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially  eaten doughnut on the dashboard. Faster than you can say  ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle. 
 
Moments later I was speeding out of the  parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish  stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the  bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and  churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was  nowhere to be found.

I swung the  truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into  the restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood,  draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was,  "What is the world coming to?"
All I could say was,  "Did I leave my food and drink in here?" At this point I was  ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and  then go straight home and apply for Social Security  benefits.

Elmo had no clue. I walked back  out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and  tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was  holding up a drink and a bag. His mother   explained, "I think you left this in my truck  by mistake."
 
I took the food and  drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized. 
 
He offered these kind words, "It's OK.   My grandfather does stuff like this all the  time."
 
All of this is to explain  how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing  some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And, no, I told  the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this  fast.
 
As I walked in the front  door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed  her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I  promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up  my legs with a blankey.
 
The good  news was I had successfully found my way home. 

Senior moments abound.

Like leaving to go to  work on the other side of Iowa and get as far as Sac City and realize that I left my paper work at home. This putting me two hours behind schedule since one hour home and one back to Sac City. Late for appointment---OOOOHHH  YEEESSS.

Going into Sioux City to work on a Thursday, (bowling nite) you guest it--forgot my bowling balls. You all know you can't just use a house ball since they don't fit and the balls aren't  new enough for the lane conditions. I was lucky that my last appointment was a no show and that let me go back home( 30 minute drive one way) to get my OWN balls. THIS HAPPENED MORE THAN ONCE.

Went to a corvette party(pot luck dinner), everyone brings something. I make a great potato salad and of course I forgot it at home. 30 minutes home 30 minutes back to Sioux City. By that time everyone had eaten, but like I said, I make a GREAT potato salad and they all dove into it.

Working part-time, I frequently leave things that I need, at home. When I get to the point that I leave the house without my pants---it will be time to retire.

I just had another moment last night. Went to find my bowling balls and they weren't where I normally keep them. I looked everywhere---bedrooms,hallway,closets,trunk of cars and the motorhome. Then I thought about the last time I had them. We went camping and my friend drove us from the camp ground into Sioux City so I could bowl. I remembered leaving them in the back seat of his car. So I called but NO they weren't in the car. I then tried to use my brain, thinking back two weeks ago when  I had them and what did I do with them. Looked back in the camper(the bedroom) and sure enough there they be. Then my left knee that had replaced last year has been giving me some problems so I have been wearing my knee brace lately but couldn't think where it was for a few moments. After running  about the house, I realize I put it in the bowling bag. WHAT A CONCEPT. So I had to calm down for a bit in order to get ready to go bowling. The old brain needs exercise just like the body and boy did it get it.