Is there a "Good" excuse for not coming to the reunion?

If you are not coming to the reunion, you need a good excuse and a note from your mom. The following reasons have been tried and are pretty lame.  You'll need to come up with a better excuse than these.

Excuse #1:  I'm overweight.

Rebuttal:  Who isn't?...  There is a reason why we are not having a pool party.

Excuse #2: I'm a different person than I was in high school.

Rebuttal: Lucky for you, we ALL are.  Let's face it, we could only have improved.

Excuse #3:  I don't look as good as I'd like.  I (choose one) am bald, have wrinkles, saddlebags, grey hair and no one will recognize me.

Rebuttal: Guess what! You won't recognize anyone else either! 

Excuse #4: I'm not successful. I'm not (choose one) a lawyer, a doctor or rich.

Rebuttal: You'll be pleasantly surprised to find out how much everyone has matured.  We may be plump and wrinkled, but we are not stupid.  Money is not a measure of success.

Excuse #5: I was not in a popular clique in high school.

Rebuttal: Now that we are old and smart, those cliques have dissolved just like the superficialities they were based on.  The only cliques you'll notice at the reunion will be the sound of your joints as you walk around. 

So if you cannot come up with something better than these,, then we will see you at the reunion.

If you can, please share with the group.