Reunion Jokes

Benefits to Aging

 1.  Your investment in health insurance is beginning to pay off.

 2.  Finally you can eat dinner at 4 p.m.

 3.  Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

 4.  It's harder and harder to get sexual harassment charges to stick.

 5.  People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

 6.  Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

 7.  Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

 8.  Your eyes won't get much worse.

 9.  Things you buy now won't wear out.

10.  There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

11.  Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.

12.  In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.


Comments Made in the Year 1955!

I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $10.

Have you seen the new cars coming out next year?  It won't be long before $1,000 will only buy a used one.

If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit.  Twenty cents a pack is ridiculous.

Did you hear that the post office is thinking about charging 7 cents just to mail a letter?

If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store.

Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $50,000 a year just to play ball?  It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the president.

I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric.  They are even making electric typewriters now.

The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on.

If they think I'll pay 30 cents for a haircut, forget it. 



 Sung to the tune  "A Few of my Favorite Things"

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,

Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,

Bundles of magazines tied up in string,

These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillacs and cataracts, and hearing aids and glasses,

Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,

Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,

These are a few of my favorite things...

When the pipes leak, when the bones creak,

When the knees go bad,

I simply remember my favorite things,

And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,

No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,

Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,

These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pains, confused brains, and no need for sinnin',

Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin'

And we won't mention our short, shrunken frames,

When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache, when the hips break,

When the eyes grow dim,

Then I remember the great life I've had,

And then I don't feel so bad.


You know you're getting older when...


Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

You feel like the morning after, and you haven't been anywhere.

Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.

Your children are starting to look middle-aged.

You look forward to a dull evening.

Your knees buckle and your belt won't.

Your back goes out more than you do.

You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.

You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.


Question:  How many days in a week?

Answer:  6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday


Question:  When is a retiree's bedtime?

Answer:  Three hours after he falls asleep on the recliner.


Question:  Why don't  retirees mind be called Seniors?

Answer:  The term comes with a 10% discount.


Question:  Among retirees what is considered formal attire?

Answer: Tied shoes.


Question:  What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?

Answer:  NUTS!



While on the road to their reunion, a classmate and his wife stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch.  After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant  and resumed their trip.  When leaving, the classmate's wife unknowingly left her glasses on the table and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes.  By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.

All the way back, the classmate became the classic grouchy old man.  He fussed and complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive.  The more he chided her, the more agitated he became.  He just wouldn't let up for a single minute.  To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant.  As the wife got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, her husband (the old geezer) yelled to her, "While you're in there, you might as well get my wallet and credit card."