Bill Butler
Hello Phil…. I’ve been exceptionally busy studying the great historical philosophers and intellectuals of the world and will take a break to summarize what I’ve learned so far. Philo, as in Phil (what a coincidence!), is Greek for “the love of learning”, and so the quintessential concepts of the most vexing question ever asked by mankind, i.e., what is the meaning of life, are now being revealed to me as described below.
My research on the meaning of life began when, by accident, I encountered many paradoxes that remain unsolved, such as: Is the projectile regurgitation (multiple up-chucks) scene in Monty Python’s, The Meaning of Life (1983) more or less funny than the puke scene (one barf) in Animal House (1978)? I almost died laughing watching both, so when I regained consciousness I was left with the words of wisdom from Dean Vernon Wormer (Faber College) when he said to a student who just flunked out…. “Flounder, you can’t go through life fat, drunk, and stupid.” Now, that’s serious advice, but is it the last word about the state of the human condition?
Hang on, I’m getting to the essence of this narrative and perhaps can answer that question. The most significant and esoteric gems emanating from my research do not come from the old guys, e.g., Pythagoras, Buddha, Confucius, Zeno, Socrates, Plato, Diogenes, Aristotle, Cicero, St. Augustine, Aquinas, Erasmus, Bacon, Voltaire, Hume, Kant, Shakespeare, Kierkegaard, Nietzsche, Chomsky, Ron Peterson, and hundreds of more modern thinkers up to and including Yogi Bear.
Surprisingly, Yogi Berra (not Bear!) tops my list! It is incredible that a New York Yankees catcher has given us the sage advice and super-esoteric facts of life that keep us going and smiling. We are familiar with his incredibly insightful, “It ain’t over ‘til the fat lady sings” and “de ja vu all over again” quotes, but there are hundreds more; let me pass on 24 of some lesser known quotes from our pre-eminate National Philosopher Laureate, Yogi. (I just made up that title; quotation marks not included).
1. I never said most of the things I said.
2. If you ask me anything I don’t know, I’m not going to answer.
3. If the world were perfect, it wouldn’t be.
4. A lot of guys say, ‘Hey Yog, say a Yogi-ism’ I tell ‘em I don’t know any. They want me to make one up. I don’t make ‘em up. I don’t even know when I say it. They’re the truth. And it is the truth, I know.
5. When you come to a fork in the road, take it.
6. You can observe a lot by just watching.
7. No one goes there nowadays. It’s too crowded.
8. We make too many wrong mistakes.
9. Congratulations! I knew the record would stand until it was broken.
10. You couldn’t have won if we’d beaten you.
11. Never answer an anonymous letter.
12. The future ain’t what it used to be.
13. Slump? I ain’t in no slump. I just ain’t hitting.
14. It gets late early out here.
15. OK, let’s pair up in threes.
16. Why buy good luggage, you only use it when you travel.
17. If people don’t come out to the ball park, nobody’s going to stop them.
18. Even Napoleon had his Watergate.
19. It was impossible to get a conversation going…. Everybody was talking too much.
20. I never blame myself when I’m not hitting. I just blame the bat and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn’t my fault that I’m not hitting, how can I get mad at myself? [note: this is an incredibly important diagnosis and should be hanging on the office wall of every good psychiatrist in the country!].
21. A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.
22. Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.
23. You better cut the pizza into 4 pieces ‘cause I’m not hungry enough to eat 6.
24. I don’t know if they were men or women running naked across the field – they had bags over their heads.
Phil, as you can see, Yogi cuts to the chase of this dilemma regarding the meaning of life. Athletes like Yogi have an uncanny insight into the challenges of life, competition, and survival in a world awash in chaos and uncertainty, e.g., see #20 above. Life doesn’t have to be complicated if you view the world according to Yogi, …no conundrums or stress to worry about, no complicated theories, no nagging questions about which movie barf scene is the funniest, just simple common-sense explanations, right? And, as I always say, don’t take life too seriously or you’ll never make it out alive. 
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