Email from Melissa (Mike) Smith Roberts on February 11, 2012:

 

Dear friends,

 

It is with great sadness that I share with you the news that my sister Pat died of a massive heart attack earlier this week.  She was 71.

 

Let me tell you a little of the background....Pat had a stroke in 2006, but had recovered almost totally.  She also had valve replacement not that long ago (she had mitro-valve prolapse) and also had a pacemaker to regulate the often very rapid heart beat.  All of that seemed to be in place and, while she was always less energetic than I, she nevertheless felt pretty good most of the time.  Because of our many conversations, I knew that she felt her life was limited and that she was not frightened of dying.  She didn't want to leave Reese alone, but she was ready...

 

Since she was in an accident less than a month ago (not serious, but threw her already moody back out of whack) and Reese had complicated gallstone surgery, we were thrilled when they felt they were nevertheless able to keep their plans to come to see us in San Pancho.  Pat was really excited to see changes in our houses and gardens in the intervening two years since they came to see us two years ago--our first visitors.

 

They planned a short stay--coming Thursday the 2nd and leaving this past Monday.  They did come and we had wonderful visit.  Since she and Reese lead a very quiet life we spent lots of time on the terrace, cup of coffee or glass of wine in hand, talking about our lives--both past and present.  The four of us enjoyed meals out and Pat and I did a little shopping.

 

And so we finished our visit, dropping them off at the airport Monday afternoon.  By Tuesday night Reese was frantically trying to reach us.  Most unusual for us, we had not checked our email through the evening.  But Bill did, before coming to bed, and woke me to tell me to call Reese.  I did.

 

Reese shared the non-events Tuesday that led to her heart attack. Apparently she felt good, couldn't stop talking about their trip to see us. She went in to the bathroom about the time their daughter Elizabeth dropped by a little after noon. Knowing Pat had a gift for her, they went to knock on the bathroom door and got no answer.  Pushing the door open, they found Pat sitting on the toilet slumped over.  Working very quickly, they got her on the floor, Elizabeth called 911 and began CPR (with the person on the line coaching her).  Within two minutes the paramedics were there since the fire station is literally around the corner. They took over and Elizabeth was able to call her boyfriend who came immediately and they drove behind the ambulance to the nearby hospital.

 

Once there, the personnel were able to get her heart started again and of course continued with the ventilator.  But as Reese told me Tuesday night, it appeared that the heart attack was massive and he had been told they might have difficult decisions to make the next day.  Both Reese and Pat have living wills and so should machines be pulled, everyone knew Pat's VERY clear wishes that such should happen..

 

In the meantime, late Tuesday night Bill got us flights out on Wednesday to fly to Orlando (bless him, because I was in no frame of mind to deal with that task).  My brother Bill planned his flight to arrive into MCO about the same time we did, late in the evening. And as we drove up to Pat and Reese's house we saw Reese's solitary figure on the couch, staring blindly ahead, waiting to share his very sad news.

 

There are always silver linings when an awful thing happens.  And this death is no exception.  To name a few....Reese did not have to face Pat's lifeless body alone.  They were at home (not Mexico or visiting anywhere else), near to services and a hospital they had (unfortuneately) needed to use many times.  They knew that everything had been done that could have been done physically.  And they had until Wednesday afternoon when she gradually slipped away to be with her and say all the things they wanted to say.  The nurses and all the hospital personnel were unusually gentle and loving with Pat and the family.  And, finally, word spread quickly and Reese and Elizabeth had the support of a few close friends of each of them, plus the minister of the church Pat and Reese are involved in, even as they stood vigil around Pat's bed.

 

For my part--and Reese's part--both us are so happy that Pat was able to make the trip to San Pancho. She and I loved being together, which turned out to be our very last time.  No regrets.  Even though we talked at least weekly, I hadn't seen Pat for many months.  And we had a wonderful time as sisters.  She loved me very much as I do her and I will miss her terribly. 

 

Reese's family (three siblings) were already scheduled for a visit beginning Monday, so we will have the memorial service Wednesday.  Matthew and Toni and their little Lilli are coming in tonight, but it is unlikely Christopher will come (he has two major presentations in two different cities) and David is not allowed to fly because of recent knee surgery.  Bill and I had planned a three week road trip in Mexico, but will be staying here for another week or more.  I want to be here with Reese and Elizabeth as they begin to make the transition to life without Pat.  And we all need time to grieve together.

 

Love to all,

 

Melissa