I have the most unbearably sad news to share.

Hanna Hoke Tacker (GHS 1965), my beloved wife, best friend, and mother to our five bright and beautiful children, passed away unexpectedly but peacefully on Sunday afternoon. She was a still young 68, as passionate about life and love and family and the world around her as ever.

It is absolutely numbing for one who burned so bright in our lives to be extinguished so suddenly. We will all miss her unbelievably.

To say that I am heartbroken would be an understatement. It hurts so bad right now. Hanna was my everything, the love of my life. My love of her and hers of me was apparent to anyone who came into contact with us. We “clicked” in a way I never imagined possible, and we loved every minute of the life we made together. I’m so glad I was able to bring her such happiness, and so fortunate that she brought so much happiness to me.

She became the mother my three children had increasingly needed, more than I ever realized. Her two daughters became mine as well – and we became a wonderful blended family, second to none. We had five children; there was never any “hers” and “mine.” We shared our pasts with each other so completely that I could tell Hanna’s stories from the past (though not as well as she could), and she could tell mine – as though we had really been there, together, all along.

And then came a whole new level of happiness for both of us – our grandchildren: one, then two, then three. When Emily and Eric moved to Asheville with Madeleine and Luke, it took the love and happiness up yet another notch – especially since grandchild #3, Little Parks, was just a short distance away.

But though the family joked that grandchildren had transcended children in the hierarchy of Hanna’s love, nothing could be further from the truth. To our children, you should know how proud she was of each and every one of you, as you’ve made your respective ways in life.

Allison, she is so proud of the brave decisions you’ve made to change your life, and your dogged determination to get there.

Emily, you should have heard how she talked about you to others as a wonderful teacher, and mother.

Mallory and Amanda, she was so proud of your career successes, and your independence, and the ways in which you’ve embraced married life (and motherhood) and single life, respectively.

Ben you were the son she always wanted – and you even have a permanent nickname to show for it! She was so proud of your career success, too, and the fact that it appears you’ve found your person to love.

And Eric and Parks, she thought of you guys as Emily and Mallory’s “Bens.” She wants all of you to have a Ben, in fact, and knew that could happen at any time in life, because that’s what happened to her.

She felt so blessed to have all of us, and we felt so blessed to have her.

As everyone knows, Hanna was a North Carolinian through and through. Two of the things she loved most in life were her Tar Heels and her father – a combination that came to be at odds with one another when she was accepted into the first class of women allowed to enter her beloved UNC as freshmen. She was so proud, and excited, (See? I was there!) and I’ve always been so proud of her about it, too. But, alas: her father would not allow her to attend that “den of inequity.” Her love for him never even flickered, however – never – despite the fact that he denied her something that meant so much to her.

As Hanna put it, she loved hard – and we all loved her hard back. That’s a wondrous thing when it’s happening, of course, but it makes her passing so very, very hard for all of us who loved her. Fortunately, she leaves us all with so many warm and colorful memories that “gone but not forgotten” doesn’t even come close; it’s more like “gone but not gone,” though I know she really is.

I’ve explained my love for Hanna to others before in a way that completely upends my spiritual world view: I love her so much that I want to believe in an afterlife, because – once I had her in my life – I couldn’t imagine ever having to be apart again. Now that she’s gone, for real, my resolve in that regard is only strengthened: please, God, let there be something after life on this earth, so that Hanna and I can be together again.

Hanna, I love you. We all love you. You basked in our love, and we in yours, and we’ll continue to do so forever. 

Ben