Phil Johnston

When I entered into a plural marriage with Bill O'Reilly and Raven Symone, my wildest dreams came true. Is Bill sometimes abusive? Yes, of course he is. But Raven is just... she's just so Raven, so that really makes up for it.

I do most of the housework and tend to the livestock. Is it the life I pictured when I left Wisconsin for Burma (now Myanmar)? Not exactly. But kind of. Anyway, I can't complain.

I remember one particular tickle fight with Gil Sutherland. We frolicked about for hours, giggling like children. That man would later go on to break my heart.