her first adult outfit which consisted of an old sweat stained bra and her first pair of depends,as Lizard pointed to

Pams sagging depends and SHOUTED INCONTINENCE PREVAILS! Then along comes Kathy Readman McSweeney and Joyce Holdridge Bush looking for some action and decided to see if Jim Bramley could perform face lifts on both of them for a discount seeing they went to school with him and all! They were surprised and appalled when Jim told them

sure not a problem, I'll take it out in trade for

a real hog ride and a can of pringles.  What the hell kind of a deal is that replied Joyce H and Kathy R,we were hoping you would at least except

us from doing anything as long as we didn't mention you in our memoirs.  "What are you talking about," said Jim, "I don't remember doing anything that should be in memoirs!"  Joyce smirked and said, "Oh it's sad how the mind is the first thing to go--you may not remember--but we can, and since you don't remember, you can't prove otherwise."  Jim was appalled, this was blackmail and he wasn't even a plastic surgeon-so he had no choice-he gave them each ten dollars and they went away happy as could be.  But now Jim had reason to find Boyd S before Herbert

Back in Oneida, Rob K had a brainstorm and bought the old FBC building on Lenox Ave and decided to turn it into an indoor mini golf course and bar which would also serve brunch.  Needing a catchy name he decided on "Flash World"  As soon as she heard the name, Sue S put on a short skirt, took off her panties and headed for a seat at the bar where men would have the best view of her doing her Sharon Stone impersonation.  Sadly, when she arrived Rob hadn't even opened for business yet so she

went to Sylvan Beach to the Crazy Clam. This is a place where many a clam has been seen. So sporting her mini with no panties she went inside bent over and

picked up a burning cigarette and flicked it out the door as she remembered that this was a no smoking zone.Sue then leaned over toward Bob V and dave K and whispered in their ear,come on boys lets not go over board with what your thinking as she began to

quiver with anticipation of what their thoughts really were. Then suddenly Dave K jumped up and said, lets all go for a ride in my boat to the middle of the lake and do some off shore drilling. With smiles on all faces, everyone wondered

what had happened to Sue.  Nausea suddenly swept over her as she began to vomit. Declining the boat ride, she stated she was sure they would have fun drilling themselves. She slowly walked back to Flash World where Rob was open for business. Opening the door she ran into

a wall,as she was thinking about

that boat ride and what the hell did he mean by off shore drilling, maybe I should of gone to find

to find out. Instead she was anticipating playing putt putt golf. Bernie was there and the two of them looked for a couple to challange. Grove Havener and Jeff Behr  rose to the occasion especially when they found out that the winners got

a hot loaf of french bread.  Diane Seifert (Eastman) decided it was the perfect spot to have her

  piano recital. As the beautiful music flooded the golf course, Dennis and Dave  returned from the drilling trip. They were eager to take on Bernie and Sue as they heard the winners got free hemorrhoidectomies. Bernie and Sue "let" them win knowing their little bums were sore.  Bernie and Sue were then challanged to a round of putt putt by 

craze and bubba,yogie and Rosemary R.,as a cloud of gas appeared in a halo around Sue and Bernie,the new quad of golfers started to gag as they new the smell was was really a

brunch cooked by Rob K himself.  Suspecting that his new creation, a limburger, liverwurst and carp omelet would be a real crowd pleaser, Rob had whipped up 500 pounds worth for his grand opening.  Seeing the crowds reaction to his culinary disaster, Rob donated the entire 500 pounds, minus a large serving he saved for himself, to a soup kitchen run by Donna Aber in Oklahoma.  Donna was overjoyed to receive the omelets as she gave them to a nearby Pig farmer to feed his livestock.  Little did Rob suspect that his omelets would be returning to Flash World six months later as bacon and sausage.  But in the present, Rob knew he had to hire some hot topless barmaids to get Flash Worlds business booming so he offered positions to

the entire membership of the YWCA from Camden NY.  Wow,I did'nt know Camden had that many

Top heavey broads. Before they auditioned for the positions they had to get vaccinated against the h1n1 flu also known as hini flu! Because of this

Rob decided that for insurance reasons there would be no PIGS allowed,so he switched to

all the ladies in the entire class of "69" to audition for the topless barmaid positions, but not before

the judges were picked for the first show.  The Mayor wanted a front row seat but was ordered to take a sock and put it over his

companion, Sarah Palins, mouth.  After thinking about it, Pete wondered, "What am I doing with this political albatross?"

As auditions were about to begin, Gary Spraker ran in shouting, "Stop! I will not allow Oneida to become the new Sodom and Gomorrah!"  As Kathy R asked, "What's Sodom and gomorrah?"  Sue S responded, " Don't worry,  they already hanged that Sodom Hussein guy and the other things just some kind of STD!"  Nervously, Rob K stopped Sue and said, "Don't worry there's plenty of jobs here and they come with a lot of perks."  Hearing that Sue S said, "Well I may not be as perky as I was 40 years ago, but I've still got

what it takes and can outdo the likes of you and all the male gender; especially the class of 68; the class of 69 is looker better all the time and

we don't even have to cross our legs to prove it.  yogi poped a question to Ann Loomis about her

her tattoo and if he could see it and she told him to go

Not only was I able to give the pig farmer those tastie omlelets, my topless waitress's went out in the streets downtown and served them from the rolling maget wagon, the construction workers whispered in their natvive language, the girls could see smiles on there faces but couldn't understand a word they said, could it be the omlelets, or the veggies that Kathy S. sent from her ever growing garden,shurely it couldnt be the the gals in their topless attire that brought all the attention, I got Pam Z. to send the pasties she was now making in her new home based buisness,she sent me the pictures of the girls, class of 69 modeling ,all sizes were displayed in the almost . 

pornographic pictures.  Donnas personal favorites were the St Christopher pasties that Sue S was modeling,  as she thought about ordering a set with matching ear rings and optional rosary beads.  She was worried the Vatican might not approve, until she found out they were selling the same merchandise at St Vincent de Pauls.

Back at Flash World, business was booming and Rob K was hauling in the cash to the point where he hired his wife to make omelets.  But he was soon approached by Grove H acting on the behalf of Mayor Pete who told Rob, "You want to keep your liquor license, Pete wants half interest in Flash World."  Rob was devastated, he was finally living the dream and Pete wanted a huge piece of his action, there was only one thing to do, he contacted

he contacted Vinny The Shoe, and that was that, but it did affect his profits, so

he just sat down and had a shot of Gary Campanies wild turkey and an ice cold beer,after he was finished with that he decided to go out and just shoot a fungking,then Rob thought,what am I thinking about,what the hell is a

fakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk, oops i mean ...

fungking, So as Rob thought and thought and thought some more,this is what he came up with.  Well as Rob was walking down the streets of Oneida he came across some chinese people sitting on their front porch,so good old Rob walks up to them and asks them are you fungking,and they replied no we are just watching TV.  Now thats funny Rob thought so I guess I still don't know what a fungking is.  Tim (angel face) Thomas was listening to Rob and could'nt help but he tried to tell Rob what a fungking really

is. Trying to put it into simplistic terms so that even a south sider like Kinsella can understand it, he explains to him that first off, you have your King of the hill, then the King of the jungle, next Chicken ala King and finally the King of Fung. Simple, see? Rob nods his head in complete understanding.....he has a moment of perfect clarity in which he pictures hundreds of Fungs running around while the King ambles down from his mountain hideaway to murmur quietly in his ear the secret of life, which is......

fungking!!!!!! Rob said I'll be damned so that's how I got

tinea pedis-from hanging around with all those fung guys!  But Rob wasn't overly concerned since his feet were probably the last part of his body to be considered athletes!

But back in Oklahoma, Boyd S had arrived to conduct experiments on the pig dung that had been excreted by hundreds of pigs after eating Kinsellas Omelet of the day.  Donna Aber had contacted Boyd after noticing that the pig dung was glowing at night.  Certain he had found a new energy source, Boyd began experimenting with various chemicals to no avail, when he happened to turn on his radio to hear the now famous Tim Thomas Polka yodel and the pig dung responded by

wiggling and jiggling like a bucket full of jello on steroids. Wow! he thought, if only I could come up with a practical application for this stuff. Knowing he was in over his head, he decided to gather around him some serious brain power to hash out the various suggestions he was sure they'd come up with. He called in Carl Elliot, Gail Reitz, Mary Beth Joy, Barbara George, Dave McCleary and Kev Patricia. They immediately put their collective heads together and knocked Carl clean out while the others nursed serious lumps and bruises to their heads, faces and egos. First order of business after recovering from this fiasco was to send Patricia out for a few kegs of beer to get the brain waves functioning at top capacity. While Kevin was gone, Gail came up with the first suggestion. I know, she cried; I think the best use for this stuff would be........

"as an ointment for bald men, they might still be just as bald, but at least their heads will light up and wiggle and squirm almost like some sort of psychedlic afro." As the collective brain trust considered her idea a disappointed Boyd began formulating an idea for a way to enrich the pig dung and come up with a new super explosive.  At that very moment, Kevin P returned with a keg of beer which he dropped when Gail threw him a ham sandwich, and as it rolled into the gyrating pig dung, the keg exploded causing

Bernadine Coppolo (Perman) and Kathy Redman (McSweeney)  to fall off their chairs.  Mean While Jeff Behr decided it was time for him to row his boat over to the Forrest Hotel to see if the lights were

were flickering due to the keg exploding.  The patrons thought it was part of the Imperials show and kept on dancing.  Ozzie thought he was having a flash back and said

wow,I had a good crop this year I hope I did'nt mix any gunpowder in this batch,Bob V was just about to ask Ozzie for a free sample of

Panama Red, when the Mayor arrived with a pack of drug sniffing dogs, who were sniffing Ozzie Top when they  began to have  seizures.  "Oh my God," cried the Mayor, "They've all overdosed on Ozzie!"  An equally shocked Grove H put down the mayors gold clubs and made an emergency call to Dr. Jim B. 

Rushing to the scene with his portable emergency toxicology micro lab, Jim quickly began testing the dogs and with tears in his eyes told the mayor the situation was hopeless, the dogs would never be able to sniff for drugs again.  As the Mayor backed away from Ozzie Top, Grove H said, "Hey, anybody besides me getting the munchies?"  Pete knew he had only one option as he pulled out his trust taser and zapped

Grove for eating all his potato chips.  Grove woke up from his little coma as the Mayor bent over to pull up his

socks before Grove could get dirt or potato chip crumbs on them as he was thrashing about on the ground.  As Mayor, Pete had his image to worry about, as when he posed with the notorious Pitman gang and casually signalled his gang affiliation while holding on to his one gallon beer mug.  He was also concerned about Flash Worlds failure to ante up 50% of it's profits in his direction.  Pete had closed down Jeff B and driven him out of town with his cut of coneheads profits, and he wasn't about to let the Flash Kinsella gang get away without paying.  There was only one thing to do, Pete sent for his #1 enforcer, Sandy Rudolph who got in touch with

the Bates ave bombers and the chicks gone wild from the class of 69.  The chicks got ahold of the Mayors right leg and the bombers the left as they decided to split him like a

a nubile gymnast.  Unable to stand, Pete bellowed, "Sandy, how could you betray me like this?"  "Simple," said Sandy R, "Rob offered me 10% of Flash World and all the omelets I can eat!"

Angrily, Pete ordered Grove H to help him to his feet, when Grove shook his head and smiled saying, "Sorry Mr Mayor, I got a 10% cut from Flash World myself, plus free brunch for a year

"Well," thought Pete, "Maybe I can still get the bombers to do my dirty work!"

Just then Rob K appeared and said, "Sorry Pete, the Bombers are on my payroll too!"

Pete was speechless and his groin and thighs were going numb, he had to get his legs free somehow and get to his feet, he realized there was only one thing left to do as he

huffed and he puffed,he belched and he farted,he twisted and turned until he broke free,as the Mayor finally realized what freedom was really like,he jumped for joy and I don't mean Mary Beth either.  There just happened to be a larger crowed gathering as they all heard the Mayor had just farted,someone in the crowed yelled to bring the

gas masks from city hall.  As the toxic fumes spread, people began complaining that Rob K must be making another 500 pounds of limburger, liverwurst omelet.  The Public Health Department quickly suited up in MOP gear and headed to Flash World with orders to take Rob into custody if he refused to quit making omelets, but when they arrived they found Rob in his own gas mask solving soduku puzzles while calmly listening to Van Morrison.

As the fumes finally began to dissipate, everyone realized the world wasn't ending and decided to head to Oneida Castle to insist that Denise D

was hired as the class photographer for the next reunion. Meanwhile back at Chapman Park a grand time was being had by the Pitman as they scheduled a good old horse shoe match with the Bates Ave Bombers.  Rob K showed up wearing his pink speedo and thonged shoes,as Joe Dubois was wearing only a cowboy hat and skin tight boxer shorts.  The girls gone wild from the class of 69 were all pointing at Robs

refurbished 1969 VW van, complete with flower power.  Rob knew his van was a babe magnet and was well worth the trade he had made for Flash World which had been renamed by it's new owner as "Lizards Lounge"  For it's grand reopening, Dennis had hired Tim "Polka Man" Thomas and his new all girl band-"The Polka Dots"  and was giving away free Pittsburgh Pirate tickets, which only the true non fans seemed to want to win..  As Tim and the Polka Dots took the stage, it was obvious Tim had gone for the gusto-for the Polka Dots were Mary Ann Carmola, Laura Wilson and

Louise Fish,as the band began to play one of their favorite tunes (Hip Hop to the Barber Shop) the man called Oz jumped into his chair with commands of snatch me bald headed but leave the beard I'm gonna use it as my next

mojo!"  Hearing that Mrs Oz gave Ozzie a smack up side the head.  Disoriented, Ozzie spotted the 69 VW Kinsella van and decided to make a get away shouting, "The Pigs will never take me alive!"  As Ozzie put the pedal to the medal he tore off at full speed through the streets of Oneida.  The Mayor was unconcerned while Ozzy tore up the North side, but as soon as he passed the old railroad bed, the Mayor ordered a police pursuit.  As Robs van hurtled through the south side, the police were barely able to keep up on their bicycles.  There was only one solution, Dennis Creedon volunteered to