Chris Hill Hitler

I was glad to graduate. I went on to become a rampant time traveler. I traveled from 1990 to 2015 pretty easily. Along the way I got married once. Some of my friends got married twice, and one friend got married thrice. But his ex won an Oscar, so that's kinda cool.

After that I did some college. Then I worked. Then I did some more college. Then I worked some more. Then I did that thing where I worked near a college. Eventually I found a place to work that had nothing to do with college, except I needed to have gone to college to get that work. Though, technically I never finished college. Don't tell!

I spent a bunch of my time not becoming a famous rock star. But I did it with aplomb. Aplomb is a real word. Just check Google. It's there.

I spent some time getting fat. I spent some time getting skinny. Then I spent some time eating a lot of ham and drinking a lot of booze. Then I spent some time not drinking booze. (I'll never quit the pig) And then I went on a bike ride.

After my kids were born I decided I needed to finally grow up. It's been decided. Someday, I believe, I will eventually be able to execute that decision. Until then, I'll keep pulling my pants down in front of any stupid Milleninal who doesn't show the right amount of respect for Duran Duran.

I hated school. I was grumpy. I was nerdy. I was scared. But I also miss it. That old building was an amazing place.

I really enjoyed the time I said, "Chuck you." in Chuck Holmstrom's calculus class. There was a second where everybody froze. And then, when Chuck laughed, it was the greatest.

I was never, ever, even once sexually molested by any of the teachers at Washington. I'm still a little disappointed by that. Because I was flirting pretty hard. When I called Mrs. Klawitter Janny Baby, she got all pissed off and made me sit outside the room. But when she underlined my poetry in green, I knew I had to pursue a career in writing.