Michael Pachino

Profile Updated: July 18, 2009
Residing In: Jarrettsville, MD Azerbaijan
Spouse/Partner: Sonya
Occupation: Home Inspector
Children: Nichole (24) & Jordan (16)

It’s been a long time, here are some things you may not know or have forgotten about me.

My Mom was Welsh and my Dad was Hungarian . . . That makes me Well-Hung.
I was born Cesarian . . . You can’t really tell just by looking at me although, every time I leave the house, I go out through a window.

I’m 5’-9” barefoot . . . 6’-8” with 11” heels. Actually I’m 4’-9” on my left side and 5’-3” on my right . . . friends call me Ilene. I’m mostly bald with one wandering glass eye, completely blind in the other. My best feature is the football-sized goiter on the side of my neck. I try to stay in shape, average proportions . . . With 40 hours more per week at the gym, I’d be REALLY buff. Everything works . . . I checked it this morning.

Was an Architect for about 9 years, made no money, became a Home Inspector. Because of the recession and a weak economy I’ve climbed DOWN the ladder of success. My hope is to some day be promoted from “Men’s Room Attendant” at Wal-Mart to “Chief Urinal Cake Inspector” at the Greyhound Bus Terminal.

My Hobbies
I collect the erasers for all those miniature golf pencils and catalog my toenail clippings in my free time. Don’t have a lot of free time . . . My “Missing a Chromosome” encounter group meets 3 nights a week.

Religious Beliefs
There must be a God because all my pictures look the same on Etch-a-Sketch.

Recent Travels and Vacation Spots
My wife and I vacation separately . . . Its more fun that way.
I visited Gilligan’s Island and spent a week with Ginger & Mary Ann on the hammock then it was off to Cocoa Beach where I spent a few days with Jeanie on the round, pink sofa inside her bottle. Good times.
My wife had a working vacation . . She went back to her old job as “Roadie” for REO Speed Wagon . . . She’s still not back yet.

My Wife, Sonya
I married “Miss Right” . . . just didn’t know that her first name was “Always”. Seriously though, my wife is a Babe . . . just ask anybody that hung out at “Christopher’s” in the late 80’s . . . actually we met in a Laundromat where we spent the evening washing our under things together . . . watching them go round and round in the same dryer . . . then we got naked and chased each other around the place in those canvas laundry carts . . . No one there seemed to mind too much.

My Kids
Jesus, what a pain in the ass THEY are. Nichole is perfect in every way . . . just ask her. One time, I bet my son Jordan he couldn’t hit the ceiling fan with a plum . . . That was a mistake.

If I could have one wish granted . . .
I’d like to be invisible. That way, when I visit the changing rooms at “Victoria’s Secret” I’ll go un-noticed. Right now, I get in a lot of trouble for that.

Major influences in my life . . . My Dad
Best advice was given to me by my Dad (who’s no longer alive) . . . He said, “Michael, Please don’t fart in Shul anymore“.

Other important people in my life . . .
George Carlin, Steve Martin, David Copperfield, Drew Carey & Steven Wright
Many thanks to those folks for writing this.

Oh, and Farrah Fawcett and Larry the Cable Guy.

Who was your secret crush in high school?

Mrs. Lejoy

Michael's Latest Interactions

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Michael Pachino has a birthday today.
Jan 14, 2018 at 4:33 AM
Michael Pachino has a birthday today.
Jan 14, 2017 at 4:33 AM
Michael Pachino has a birthday today.
Jan 14, 2016 at 4:33 AM
Michael Pachino has a birthday today.
Jan 14, 2015 at 4:33 AM
Dec 29, 2014 at 7:32 PM

Glad to see your able to navigate your way to the website.

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Posted: Dec 17, 2013 at 12:27 AM
Sonya & Nichole: Type "A" but worth it.
Posted: Dec 17, 2013 at 12:27 AM
Jordan: Just got his driver's license and has his own car . . . HOLY CRAP !!
Posted: Dec 17, 2013 at 12:27 AM
Luke, Greatest Dog in the History of the Universe
Posted: Dec 17, 2013 at 12:27 AM
Nichole Graduates w/ double major, "Cum Laude" from Univ. MD Undergrad., 2006
Posted: Dec 17, 2013 at 12:27 AM
Nichole Graduates U. Pitt Law School, "Cum Laude", 2009
Posted: Dec 17, 2013 at 12:27 AM
He may not graduate from anything.