School Story:
Jesus H... There's only one story and it's the greatest of all time... Fr. Karath's scripture class, sophmore year, and one genius named Andre Bussalaar. You see my friends, it was Xmas time and as in many classrooms it is decorated with holiday cheer. Santa...Reindeer...Snowflakes, and the like....all to set the stage for what some like to call "the most wonderful time of the year". So here we are in Karath's class, and who really gives a good, sweet, Christ what he's rambling about. You know what I mean? You doodle in your book. You write love notes to your girl or boyfriend, or you just look out the window and wish you could be outside in the sun- wait.... it's Christmastime....(let me try that again)...you stare outside and wish you could be TOOBIN!!!!! So here we are in Scripture class. And in this particular class we didn't sit in rows facing the front, if anyone recalls. The seats were divided in halfsies with both sides facing the center of the room (make sense?) So Fr. Karath could walk from the chalkboard straight down the middle to the back of the classroom as he went ranting and raving about JC and his crew... Okay, so here we are in class and it's business as usual. Now hanging on the walls are a fine and lovely assortment of your favorite Xmas characters. There's Frosty with his corn-cob pipe... There Rudolph with his shiny nose... And there's the Grand Poo-bah of them all, Santa Clause, complete with candy cane in his hand. So it's up and down the center of the room Fr. Karath goes talking about the day's nonsense and what-nots. I am really not paying too much attention to anything, but meanwhile the ever-so talented Andre, who I like to refer to as "the King of Kings" is sketching a version of the very Santa that hangs on the wall...One small difference however.....and I didn't notice until Tom Lenz, who I have always lovelingly referred to as "Fat Thomas" started giggling... So I look over and ladies and gentlemen may I say, mine eyes had seen the glory.... Andre had drawn- to a freakish precision, Santa sporting IN-HIS-HANDS, not a candy cane, but one GIANT rock hard boner that, from the looks of it, could quite possibly cut diamonds...!!! I may have giggled a bit, I don't quite recall, but I DO remember that soon after, I noticed Fr. Karath making his way down BEHIND Andre, unbeknownst to him!!!!! And damnit all once ol' Fr. karath took a look at what it was Andre was drawing I will tell you this...The look on his face was worth a lifetime of hard labor... His face......Oh my sweet Jesus, you would have thought Andre was looking at the unholyiest of child porn or something...And then Andre looks up (because FT is giggling) and now see's that Fr. Karath is staring at his handywork....And the two now are ensnarled in a staredown of galaxtic proportions....During this time, one by one most everyone tip toes over to see what the fuss is all about..And, as you might expect, one by one they all go back to their seats laughing uncontrollably... FT and myself are in tears and Andre is....well who knows, but I was lovin' the Lord!! And the good Father slowly walks his way back to the front of the class....takes his sweet ass time....looks up and says "Andre...please see me after class." Well shit on a stick people....I busted out laughing like the fool of fools.. I mean honestly, what do you want me to do??? I mean, I am mature and I am respectful.. a hard working young man and all but for GD sakes we have a hand drawn weiner here, people!!!!! And to add to the glory of it all...and because FT can't control himself either, Fr. Karath fires back with a..."Tom, Tony...you can see me after class too." Well hells bells, go ahead and sign my ass up for 3 hrs. of J.U.G. if you want. It was worth 100 if you ask me....
