Comments:
Holy poop! It's Sept 12th, 2010, and I just Googled myself, and this was the first thing that came up. Since it's been well over 2 years, I reckon I oughta update it. So first, the old stuff from '08:
Howdy, y'all. Here's the gist:
I write and host trivia shows at various Portland bars for money. It's called "Quizzy". Been doing it about 3.5 years, and now make a (meager) living at it. I haven't worked for anyone else since December - which was my goal when I started.
I live to float down Oregon rivers with lots of cold beer, for the next David Lynch film, for the faint but enduring possibility of Love, and for loud psychedelic rock and roll.
What have I been up to since 1988?
Jeez.
First I went to JMU, then I graduated.
Since then I've had about 30 jobs - the longest of which lasted 13 months. I've moved about 10 times, and had 2 relationships that lasted more than 4 months (both of which ended badly, of course).
Both my parents died on the same day in 1999, by coincidence.
My bank balance rarely has 4 digits, and I have no long-term financial stability - nor any realistic prospects for achieving it.
I'm running Windows '98 right now, and my left tibia is broken.
Oh, and I'm happier than a pig in shit.
AND NOW IT'S 2010!
I met the love of my life and now I live in friggin' Pittsburgh.
The End.
No, but seriously. I did move here to Pittsburgh 2 weeks ago, because Christine (who is considerably less crazy than the vast majority of women, and also brilliant and hot) quit her job as a corporate lawyer and decided to go back to school. She's from Houston. She went to Rice and Harvard law, then worked for 6 years at a prestigious-but-toxic firm in Portland as an employee benefits lawyer before deciding (correctly) that medicine for profit is evil. Now she is enrolled in Pitt's Public Health program, and I'm here with her...why?
Oh, yeah - because I love her.
And the stuff about women being crazy is pure jest, so please don't think me a misogynist.
Incidentally, my colloquial writing and liberal use of run-ons should not be construed by any former English teachers as evidence of their failure; it's just more fun writing like this, and I just smoked weed (you do realize, I hope, that it's moments from being legal, that it should've been all along, and that if you lived in Portland, Oregon for long enough you'd completely forget it wasn't already).
Quizzy is doing better than I could've hoped for. Since all other bar trivia totally blows, people tend to dig mine. I have a partner back in Portland, and 10 bars under my banner, and I'm starting it up here whilst getting my cut of everything in Portland and writing all the questions for my "employees". It's pretty crazy. I've been a proud, die-hard democratic socialist for 20 years now, and here I am about to become a legitimate LLC (whatever the hell that is - that's why I got me a partner).
Oh, and check this out:
In April of 2000 I got arrested (illegally) along with 680 other people at a planned, peaceful protest in front of the IMF building in DC. Never thought much about it after that, but now I'm about to receive 18 grand as part of the largest class-action settlement awarded a group of activists in US history! I shit you not.
The best part about that is, I'll now be able to afford a truly great antique Art Deco diamond ring. That's been the only thing holding up my proposal to Christine (and yes, we plan to unleash future Smallwoods upon the world).
But do NOT tell her or I'll kill you.
That's the tip of my iceberg. Yes, of course I remember my conservative past back at Broad Run. But I was a CHILD.
Which, come to think of it, is the only legitimate excuse I know of.
Peace.
