St Peter's Grammar School
Class Of 1960
St Patrick's Day
I found so much good stuff I couldn't resist sharing it!
Dermot and Patrick are standing at the base of a flagpole looking up. Rita walks by and asks them what they are doing.
Patrick answers, 'We're supposed to be finding the height of this flagpole, but we don't have a ladder.'
Rita takes out an adjustable spanner from her handbag, loosens a few bolts and lays the flagpole down. She finds a tape measure in her pocket, takes a few measurements, and announces that its length is 18 feet 6 inches.
Then, Rita walks off.
Dermot says to Patrick, 'Isn't that just typical. We ask for the height and she gives us the length.'
In the end, there are only two things to worry about:
either you are well or you are sick.
When you're well, there is nothing to worry about.
But if you're sick, then there are two things to worry about:
either you get well or you will die.
When you get well, there is nothing to worry about.
But when you die, then there are two things to worry about:
either you'll go to heaven or you'll go to hell.
When you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about.
But when you go to hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends,
you won't have time to worry!
SO WHY WORRY!?
O'Malley was leaving his favourite bar when he was run over by a bus. He gets to the gates of heaven and St. Peter tells him he cannot enter unless he passes a test. What choice did he have, O'Malley agrees to try as he never was the brightest bulb in the box.
St. Peter decides to go easy on him, 'What has 5 fingers and is made of black leather?' he asks. O'Malley scratches his head, thinks hard and finally gives up. 'It's a glove says St. Peter.'
Let's try again. 'What has 10 fingers and is made of black leather?' asks St. Peter. O'Malley is clearly stumped. After a few minutes of pacing in a circle and scratching his head, O'Malley gives up. 'Why it's 2 gloves - don't you see 10 fingers, black leather, says St. Peter amazed.' Being in a generous mood, St. Peter decides to give O'Malley yet another chance but thinking of an even easier question'
Who is the patron Saint of Ireland?' asks St. Peter, thinking he can't miss this. 'It wouldn't be 3-gloves, would it?' says O'Malley.
What the Boys Will Be Seeing After All That Guinness!
How To Identify A Real Irishman
- A true Irishman considers a bore to be someone who keeps constantly interrupting.
- A true Irishman considers anyone who won't come around to his point of view to be hopelessly stubborn.
- A true Irishman has so much respect for the truth that he uses it only in emergencies
| Even the White House Goes Green | |
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Catholic Dog - Irish Story
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, Father, me dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' A mass for the poor creature?'
Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'
Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think €*5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?'
Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary and Joseph. Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?'
* € or Euro converts to an American dollar, more or less, to the nearest approximation.
