THE FUNNIES

                        " THE  FUNNIES "

                                           (Got some funnies let us know )

         

 

 

                                 

  

 

            

 

 

 

 

                                         

                                               EVER WONDER WHAT HAPPENS

                                         when you leave your computer on at night

                                    Click on stick person and then play (has sound)

 

                                                                       

 


PROOF THAT OLD PEOPLE CAN THINK QUICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership.  Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-85, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring.
He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120.  Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing?  I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes.  Today is Friday.  If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused.  Then said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a State Trooper.  I thought you were bringing her back."
 "Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
 
 
                                              

                              

 


 

                                       

 

                                                  

                                       

 

                               

 

                                    

 

                                               

 

                                                

                                         Take Time To Smile

 

 

 

  1.  If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
  2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water and is fat.
  3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
  4. A tortoise doesn’t run, does nothing… yet lives for 450 years.
 
AND YOU TELL ME TO EXERCISE!
….I DON’T THINK SO!!

 

                               

 

Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading toward 70!

 

1.  Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2.  In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3.  No one expects you to run–anywhere. 
4.  People call at 9 PM and ask, did I wake you? 
5.  People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6.  There is nothing left to learn the hard way. 
7.  Things you buy now won’t wear out.
8.  You can eat supper at 4 PM. 
9.  You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans. 
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. 
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room. 
13. You sing along with elevator music. 
14. Your eyes won’t get much worse. 
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. 
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service. 
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either. 
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

 
And Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

 

                                             

                            
 

                   

 

 

                                              

 

 

Sylvester And Tweety

Watch this until Sylvester catches Tweety.

After Tweety is caught, click continue reading

 

sylvester.gif

 

 

 

..(wait for it. It's worth it)...

 

 

 

This was an idiot test. How long did you watch?

0-2 seconds - There's hope for you
2-5 seconds - Having a bad day?
5-10 seconds - Are you maybe just a slow reader?
10-20 seconds - Remedial classes are nothing to be ashamed of
20-30 seconds - It is recommended that you don't breed.
30 sec-1 min - You probably can't read this anyway. So why bother?
1-2 min - The equivalent of the average house plant
2-5 min - Good afternoon Jessica Simpson
5 min -1 hr - Dead people score in this range
1hr plus - Congratulations. You have a negative IQ. You are a Dimocrat voter and a prime candidate for Asshole of the Week.

To find out what your prize is, watch Bugs until he finishes his carrot...

 bugs.gif

 

50th High School Reunion....funny!!!

He was a widower and she a widow.
They had known each other for a number of years being high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the last 20 years without fail.

This 50th anniversary of their class, the widower and the widow made a foursome with two other singles.

They had a wonderful evening, their spirits high.
The widower throwing admiring glances across the table. The widow smiling coyly back at him.

Finally, he picked up courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"

After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered, "Yes,..... yes I will!"

The evening ended on a happy note for the widower. But the next morning he was troubled.

Did she say “Yes” or did she say “No?”
He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. He went over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank.

He remembered asking the question but for the life of him could not recall her response. With fear and trepidation he picked up the phone and called her.

First, he explained that he couldn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the past evening.
As he gained a little more courage he then inquired of her. "When I asked if you would marry me,
did you say “Yes” or did you say “No?”

"Why you silly man I said, ‘Yes. Yes I will.’ And I meant it with all my heart."

The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat.

Then she continued. "And I am so glad you called because I couldn't remember who asked me!”<!

 

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
 
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
 
 
THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference..


 

Your Goverment $ at work !