Holding Pattern

My husband died in August, 2020. We had been married 46 years. His dying 
left me shell shocked....Covid was ever present. A lot of questions can never be answered. The "What ifs" still overwhelm me at times.

About three years ago after Dave passed, I confided in a very dear friend whom
I have known since West Blvd. days. I told her I felt like I was waiting for my life to begin.....that each day and year that went by were not real- they seemed more like the prelude to my real life which I was still waiting to begin.
I felt like I was in a holding pattern.

Three years have passed since I confided in her. I don't feel like I am waiting for something to begin as often as I did. I have gotten more involved in my church while making wonderful new friends. For that I am grateful! Yet that feeling of waiting is still with me. It comes and goes.....

I know I might always feel this way...or I may not. I do miss my husband, and I miss our lives together. I miss who I was with him.
I am waiting but for what?

Jan Oar Evans