Class Prophecy

 

Devil's

 
Chatter


 


MAY   1989
BONIFAY, FLORIDA


 


1989 SENIIOR CLASS PROPHECY


Hi, my name is Friday, "Sergeant Kim Hudson fri-day," the daughter-in-law of the great Joe Friday. Time:   December 31, 1999, 7:00 p.m.   Occasion: 1989 senior class 10 year reunion. Place: Holiday Inn Beachside, Panama city Beach, Florida. Why?: The senior class of 1989 never saw the inside. ~
From the stake-out point, I see class president, Jimmy Pate, greeting Jennifer Dowling See who is di­recting our band for the evening. Joan Whitaker, An­gle Smith, Missie Bradshaw-Jernigan, and Robbie Melancon, members of the Phil Harmonic Orchestra, are being joined by the touring "Two Tuba Dudes," John Smith and Dwayne White, to provide tonight's music. Suddenly, loud terrifying screams are heard coming from the lobby. Jimmy rounds the corner to Vm<J Andy Crantord uncoiling his baby boa, Bertha, from around Allen Steverson's neck! Allen is the new host of Wild Kingdom.
As the entertainers begin to set up, Rachel Hagans and Beth Gilmore arrive with their new co-star Tom Cruise. I can overhear them telling Jimmy something about filming a sequel movie that will be released this summer in Renae Price's Panama City theaters. 'Rachel and Beth are serving the "refreshments" for the night As they are talking, the caterers arrive. Un­known to Jimmy when he called them, the caterers he had chosen were none other the senior class of 1989's very own Matt McCall, Travis French, Chad Thompson, and Michael Goodson. They explained to Jimmy, that after eight years of killing possums, they decided to turn it into a business, and they now own the Gourmet Potted Possum Plant in downtown Grit-ney. The plant has been such a big thrill to all within miles that is has turned Gritney into a world-renowned city. Jimmy excuses himself to greet early arrivals.
The first of the guests arrive and we see that it is none other than Derek Bailey, Phillip Berry, Joseph Mixon, and Carl Land. These four are now co-owners of a world-wide trade corporation and are telling Jim­my about its great success. As Jimmy turns toward the door, he sees Tamphus Messer, the world-renowned star of the latest revision of the Bruce Lee movies. He stars as "Squirrel Lee." Jimmy, in his de­light to talk to Tamphus, trips over his own feet, and lands face first into WWF Champion, Dion Leeder. Dion and his tag team partner, Bill McClean, lift Jimmy up and set him back on his feet.
Looking over the dining area, I see in one corner, the athletes of our class. Tony McMillan, an Olympic gold-medalist in volleyball; Chris Johnson, left-fielder for the NY Mets; Krista Folds, first white female to play for the Harlem Globetrotters; Lazarios McClain, the new Mr. Olympia; Clair Kriser, world champion urban surfer; Keith White, Walton Braves football coach; Bert Flowers, who broke Carl Lewis' running record; Michael Courtney, Olympic gold-medalist in the


decathlon; Shana Pettingill, HCHS girl's basketball coach; and Brad Johnson and Scott DePriest, sumo wrestlers. Speaking to them about sports safety is the NCA injury consultant, Debbie Ard.
In another corner, we see Allison Newcomb, owner of the Holmes County Scandalizer, taking pictures of Stephanie and Kenneth Williams, the 1999 Holmes County Farm Family. A flash of light bulbs attracts all attention to the entrance as Stacey Slay, the owner and publisher of Playgirl magazine, struts in with Gene Forehand, world's oldest senior, who is fea­tured this month as Playgirl's centerfold. Spotting Stevie Woodham, ex-Chippendale dancer, Stacey makes a mad dash across the room to capture him for next month's centerfold. Amid all this confusion, shrill shreaks of pain are heard. All eyes turn toward Kyla Curry Hatcher, who is grasping her stomach in terror. Nurse, Regina Day, runs across the room to assist Kyla with the birth of her ninth child.
Once things settle down, the big-wigs of Bonifay make their entrance. First there is Seaborn Howell, owner of the Movie Depot and Howell's Building Sup­ply; next, is Rachel Aronhalt, corporate owner of ChevRDn Industries, who is escorted by the Tim Ad­ams, the current head of the mechanics department. Tim Steverson, Tim Webb, and Tim Ponds, co-owners of the new store "3 Guys Plumbing," enter with James Cline close behind. James is now the owner of all the Hardees across America with headquarters in Bonifay. Dawn Elkins, the Chevy S-10 customizer at Howell Chevrolet, is followed by Joe Glenn who has opened his own funeral home called "Coffins-are-Us I" Here come Susan Wells and Jennifer Mincey who have just over-thrown the government in Esto and have set up a dictatorship with Mica Bell controlling nearby Noma.
Following Bonifay's elite are Peggy Long Ward, owner of a rodeo circuit, and Susan Martin the top model for Peggy's line of Wranglers and Ropers. Peggy informs us that Clint Russ left after graduation traveling across the country trying to find himself. We regret to inform you he could not be here tonight with us because he got lost. Todd Jones, anchorman for channel 4 news, WBSN, comes in shortly and asks Jimmy to point out Marnie Jackson and Gary Roberts. They have the new "Garnie" talk show and he wants to set up an interview with them. As Kevin Hilliker walks through the door, we hear the Disney World theme in the background. Kevin plays Mickey Mouse at Disney World. At McDonald's Hamp Vaughn has been promoted to playing Ronald McDonald. Land­ing on the roof and descending down the balcony stairs are parachutists, Jonathan McKnight, Frank Newcomb, Ricky Coatney, and Troy Rushing with Phillip Freeman and Eric Crawson as mission com­manders. Clint Smith, a correction officer at HCI,


walks through the door with a report that Robert Nash was arrested yesterday for painting graffiti on a "popular college." Turning from the door, Jimmy sees Lori Spears in a corner with her Josten's display. She is still taking orders for class rings and souvenir mugs. Jennifer Naeyaert is standing at Lori's table telling the crowd about her new escort service in Chipley. Among the crowd is: Beth Stephens, Jennifer Mancill, and Lisa Stout, who have their own group of male ex­otic dancers—"JBL's Ultimate Ones." Stephen Smith now manufactures "Barbee" Dolls and his newest creation is "Spirit Barbee," fashioned after ex-Tampa Bay cheerleader Angie Taylor. As Angie and Stephen discuss their new plans, there is a loud commotion in the kitchen. Turning to look we see Cindy Smith, Spanish interpreter at the UN, hollering at the cook because the milk was too hot for her twin girls.
All the guests have arrived and as Jimmy scans the crowd he realizes some members of the class are ab­sent. These members are: Paul Pippin, the Aqua Vel-va man, who is working on his latest ad; Gwen Pad­gett Forehand who had to work tonight because of the new Year's Eve rush at Simbo's where she is head chef; Tammi Hollingsworth who is in New York working on her latest Broadway dance; Matthew Ellis, a scientist, who is busy rewriting all of the labs he found fault in; Heather Saunders who is still living in a coconut tree and selling coconuts to the native Ha-waiians; Neal Reeves who is on tour with Willie Nel­son, in case of an unexpected haircut; Jerry Preston who is now the latest semi-finalist of Star Search 1999; Tony Roper who is an executioner at the capital in Florida; Ken Shiver who is a body guard for Guns-and-Roses; and Laurie Tindell who is in Europe where she was left in 1989 with her true love, Pierre. All of a sudden, in the rear of the room, Stephanie Pilcher, FBI agent, screams, "Freeze Warden Locke! You're under arrest for obscene phone calls!" She hand cuffs the warden and exits through the front door. As Stephanie leaves, the crowd starts counting down to midnight. 10-- 9--8-Stephanie rushes back in—7—6-everyone turns to the clock. —5—4-- lt gets deathly quiet, -3-2-1. And amongst the celebration, we hear triumphant scream coming from the outside deck. "I found them!" Everyone runs to the deck to find Jeff Donaldson coming out of the water with a look of accomplishment on his face. He finally found Dianna's keys. After everyone had made their way out, the clink of empty refreshment glasses and gig­gles are heard coming from behind the refreshment counter, which signifies that some things neve, change for the class of 1989.