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John Simmers
[Note: So, I didn’t want to post this without a foreword. This regards an experience I’ve had – which I want to share and I’ve been encouraged to ‘write’. In that, I know this to be a safe forum to contribute (troll-free), also – because there are at-least a few integral LTHS components to this tell, and, in that it may stir some good memories (at-least in some or all) – I figured this a good place to share. From the reactions of the few that I’ve told (some of the same that encouraged me to ‘write’) – this is interesting and worthwhile. The catch is that – admittedly, it is longer than normal posts here and the path taken may seem at-best – a bit awkward or wayward. I promise that this is no less than my best diligence and effort to providing a quick and logical read. My last proofreader has said to pass on an affirmation that – if the writing here seems to have become completely-derailed or substantively-pointless, you’re likely doing just fine, have confidence, and keep reading.]
Recently, in large part due to the ongoing prodding, encouragement and support that I received from two veteran-classmates – Col. Bob Hashimoto (USMC, Ret.) and AZ1 Frank Bass (USN, Ret.), an over two-year Veterans’ Administration (“VA”) investigation concluded to find that the exposure I had to a virus during my Marine Corps active-duty is connected to my later onset and progression of an ultimately-debilitating (disabling) neurologic-disorder.
Now, I only note the above in-order to provide the unavoidable pretext or context to this writing. It is just the necessary means to my starting and delivering the rest. Otherwise – I assure, I am in a good place with the above news to me; I have great support and great people around me (including the two friends that I mentioned above); I remain relatively independent, and I look forward for opportunities to a range of resources that I’ve not had.
Through the above VA investigation, among other things, I was asked and submitted to several physical examinations, and – in addition, three psychological examinations. The VA assigned each of the psychological examinations to a different independent psychologist (not part of the VA), each was not to be conducted at a VA facility, each was set for a different purpose, and each was separately reported.
After I completed two of the psychological examinations – one in Chicago, and one in Grayslake, on the night before I was to attend my last – in Milwaukee, I was contacted and informed the scheduled psychologist was called to an emergency and my next day appointment would need be canceled. I was subsequently rescheduled to complete that canceled examination with a different psychologist – in Racine, but, after that was then found conflicting with a physical examination I had scheduled – in that same time, I was ultimately rescheduled with yet another psychologist – in Madison, and, with that appointment having been arranged for conducting – via tele-video (“zoom-call”).
The final scheduling of my last examination – via a zoom-call, threw me a curve. As some that know me are aware – some years back, the progression of my neuro-disorder included my losing the ability to speak. I did learn to speak again, however, with my new speech coming from a different place than it had originally (it is a much more deliberate process for me now and takes much more concentration).
For some time now – while I’ve adjusted to effectively-speak and communicate well-enough and comfortably in-person (albeit, sometimes with a more stuttered or halted speech), my ability to speak on the phone is still neither easy nor reliable for communicating. If I’m given to talk to someone new on the phone (that I’ve not otherwise met in-person), or, in a difficult circumstance, my speech often becomes harshly parsed and slow, and my ability to speak and communicate sometimes stops (I just lock up).
To that time, I’d never been on a zoom-call, and I initially planned to accept an offer for rescheduling that appointment – for an in-person meeting. However, while I also did not want to incur a possibly unnecessary-delay in proceedings, I decided against that rescheduling – upon my realization and confidence that the video-component of the zoom-call (and my use of earbuds with a mic) would likely make it more of an in-person conversation for me – and, I’d less likely have an issue.
However, in an abundance of care, I did accept and arrange to make my zoom-call appointment with the help (and from the office) of a veterans’ support organization – in Racine. As such – if I would find myself in need of help on that call – a member of their staff would be available to step-in.
Happy to report that all went well with my zoom-call appointment. I needed no assistance. However – while I believe the visual component (and my use of earbuds with a mic) did help, I must also give the majority credit to the Madison-based psychologist I spoke with – Dr. Lynn.
On the call – I assessed Dr. Lynn to be maybe ten-years older than I (so, perhaps, in her mid-seventies), her appearance was demure, her speech was quiet, she was very compassionate, but -- moreover, she exuded a confidence that right-away worked. From the start of our call – it seemed evident that Dr. Lynn was a very-experienced psychologist, and, before we proceeded, she actively set about making sure that I was at ease. As we did begin – Dr. Lynn also laid out her agenda of the subjects she anticipated we’d discuss (i.e., family, education, military-service etc.) – which additionally served to help.
By about 10 minutes into my call with Dr. Lynn, we had already talked in-overview about my family-structure (parents, siblings, extended family) and Dr. Lynn wanted to get the same about my educational experience. Here is how our conversation continued:
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Dr. Lynn:
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So, what kind of student were you?
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Me:
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I think I was a good student, but – I didn’t always get good grades.
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Dr. Lynn:
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Really. What do you mean by that?
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Me:
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OK. So, I grew up in Chicago.
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Dr. Lynn:
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Oh, really? I know Chicago. I grew up in Chicago too.
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Me:
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OK. Well, I went to this kind of – it was a special high-school in Chicago – 'Lane Tech'. Do you know it?
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Dr. Lynn:
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Oh, sure. I know Lane Tech.
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Me:
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Right. So, I grew up – on the ‘northwest-side’ of the city.
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Dr. Lynn:
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Oh, sure. I know about the ‘northwest-side’ of Chicago. I grew up on the ‘northwest-side’ too.
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Me
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Really? OK. So, do you know Albany Park?
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Dr. Lynn
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Sure, I know Albany Park. In fact, I grew up in Albany Park.
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Me:
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Ok, wow. That’s where I grew up too – in Albany Park. So – in Albany Park, do you know 'Richmond and Montrose’ – the street intersection?
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Dr. Lynn:
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Sure. I know exactly where that is. I grew up on Richmond Street – right off Montrose Ave. I went to ‘Our Lady of Mercy’ for grade school.
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Me:
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Really? I went to ‘Our Lady of Mercy’ too. I went there through fourth grade – and then I went to Bateman [Newton Bateman Elementary].
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Dr. Lynn:
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I went to Bateman too. I went there just for kindergarten – because 'Our Lady of Mercy' didn’t have a kindergarten. So, I went to Bateman first – just for kindergarten, and, then, I went to 'Our Lady of Mercy' for the rest of grade-school.
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Me:
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That's what I did too. Well, I mean, I went to Bateman for kindergarten – for the same reason that you did, then – I went to 'Our Lady of Mercy', then – I went back to Bateman (from fourth grade through eighth grade), and then – to Lane Tech.
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Dr. Lynn:
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OK. So, when I went to Our Lady of Mercy, that's when they built that huge-church there. It was a bigger church than that neighborhood needed at the time, and I thinks it is probably still a bigger church than they’ll ever need there.
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Me:
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Yes, it’s big. And the dome that they put on it!
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Dr. Lynn:
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Yes! That big gold-dome! That caused quite an uproar when that was built too.
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Me:
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Right. I can imagine. But quite a site to see -- isn’t it?
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Dr. Lynn:
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Yes, it is. And they built that glass wall inside the church too [from the floor to ceiling and across the full-width]. That wall completely cut off the front of the church from the back of the church. They built the wall afterward – because the heating bills were so high in winter. Somehow, that only occurred to them later -- after the fact. [laughing]
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Me:
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They actually took that wall down! [laughing] I think they did that when I was still at Our Lady of Mercy – before I went back to Bateman.
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Dr. Lynn:
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Really? [laughing] I’d not heard that! That seems crazy – but I’m sure for the better good.
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Me:
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So, yes. Anyway, I went from Bateman to Our Lady of Mercy, then – back to Bateman, and, then – to Lane Tech. Did you go to high-school – or, I mean – where did…?
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Dr. Lynn:
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Actually, I was planning to become a nun.
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Me:
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Really?
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Dr. Lynn:
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Right. So, I went from Our Lady of Mercy to a Catholic high-school that had a nunnery.
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Me:
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OK, but ...?
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Dr. Lynn:
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Well, then I met my husband – during my junior year, on a Summer missionary trip.
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Me:
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Oh. I got it now.
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Dr. Lynn:
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Right. Meeting my husband – that changed any thoughts I had about being a nun! [laughing]
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Me:
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Yes. I got it. That does make sense. [laughing]
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Dr. Lynn:
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So, did you hear that the bakery – the old Wonder-bread bakery… it burned down?
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Me:
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At Richmond and Montrose?
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Dr. Lynn:
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Yes. I could see that place from where we lived on Richmond.
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Me:
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Oh, it was the Tip-Top bakery when I lived in that area. I hadn't heard that it burned. My mom and the mom of my best friend [Walter Wiebe, LTHS – Class of ’76] worked at the little thrift store on the corner there – in that part of the bakery.
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Dr. Lynn:
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Well, it wasn’t a bakery for some time before the fire. It had been converted to a restaurant and retail space. There was ‘The Twisted Hippo’ restaurant and a ninja-studio in spaces there – and both of those burned.
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Me:
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Didn’t know that had changed about the bakery, but – sad to think that building is gone now. You know, a lot of childhood memories and all…
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Dr. Lynn:
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No. Right. That’s OK. It makes sense for you to think about that too.
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Me:
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Thanks for saying that.
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Dr. Lynn:
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There was also a big – maybe a 16-unit – apartment building that was next to the old bakery, that burned too.
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Me:
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Really?
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Dr. Lynn:
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Yes. When my sister goes into the city, she makes a point of driving through the neighborhood... and, well she’s the one that told me about the fire. She looked further into it and found out that – I guess the fire first started in the apartment building and then spread to the old bakery building.
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Me:
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That’s a shame. Was anyone… I mean, uh ...
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Dr. Lynn:
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No. No one was seriously hurt or died. Well, at-least my sister told me that she read everyone got out OK. There was one older guy that inhaled too much smoke and he had a heart attack. He was hospitalized – but he’s apparently recovering and should be OK.
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Me:
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That’s good.
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Dr. Lynn:
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My sister says that whole area is changing a bit too – not in a bad way – just different. My family, we lived in a building with three apartments – a basement apartment, a first-floor apartment, and a second-floor apartment. Someone bought that building, they modernized it, and it is now one big single-family home. Imagine – in that neighborhood too.
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Me:
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You know, when I’m in the city, I sometimes do the same that your sister does, and, even though it has been a few years since I had the chance to drive through there -- the last time I did, I noticed the same thing. There are different buildings that’ve been updated or modernized. Even the building that I lived in … where I grew up… that had some work done too.
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Dr. Lynn:
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I’m trying to remember … it was forty [unintelligible]?
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Me:
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I’m sorry… what was that?
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Dr. Lynn:
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The address. I’m trying to remember the address where we lived. Was it forty-something … maybe, forty-three?
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Me:
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You mean … your old address there?
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Dr. Lynn:
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Yes. I’m just trying to remember it. What was that address? Was it forty-three...?
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Me:
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Oh. Your address? No, your address wouldn’t have been forty-three. Your address would have at-least been forty-four-something … or higher. Wouldn’t it? Because, you said you could see the old bakery from your house, and that means…
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Dr. Lynn:
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No. It was forty-three-something ... because …
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Me:
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No. I mean … at-least, well … OK. So, if you could see the old bakery from your house, that means you lived somewhere north of Montrose, and wouldn’t that mean your address would have been forty-four-something ... or higher?
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Dr. Lynn:
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Well, I guess what I meant was that I could see the old bakery from standing out in front of my house. The old bakery was just down the block from us. No, we lived south of Montrose. I think it was forty-three-thirty…, yes … I remember now … it was forty-three-thirty-three … yes, that was it. The address was forty-three-thirty-three north Richmond. That was it ... I’m sure.
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Me:
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So, wait ... so, you lived ...?
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Dr. Lynn:
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Yes – at forty-three-thirty-three north Richmond. My family and I lived in the one apartment – on the second floor there. That’s where I grew up. Me, my sister, and my parents lived there.
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Me:
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So, I know where you mean. I think. Wait. Isn’t that the building that is next to the big apartment building that burned [where the fire started]?
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Dr. Lynn:
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Yes. That’s it.
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Me:
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I know that place.
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Dr. Lynn:
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Sure. It was the old bakery on the corner – at Montrose Ave, then – the next building south of the old bakery was the big apartment building that burned [where the fire actually started], and then, the next building going south was us ... that’s where my family lived.
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Me:
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Right. On the second floor.
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Dr. Lynn:
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Yes.
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Me:
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Right. In the one apartment – on the second floor there.
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Dr. Lynn:
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Yes. We lived there – from 1947.
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Me:
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I know the place.
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Dr. Lynn:
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OK.
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Me:
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No. I mean, I ‘really’ know the place.
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Dr. Lynn:
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How’s that?
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Me:
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I know that place because – that’s where I grew up too. That is exactly where I grew up. At forty-three-thirty-three north Richmond – in the one apartment, on the second floor there. My family – we lived there, I was raised there – in that exact same place.
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[Some silence]
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Dr. Lynn:
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My family, we moved out of that apartment ... in 1961.
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[Some silence]
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Me:
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My family, we moved into that apartment … in 1961.
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[Again, more silence … I think a longer silence, but I’m still not really sure how long it was]
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[So, here – I’ll spare the details of how this next part came to be. However, after some time, I was the first to speak. I remember – from here, our conversation began slowly, and – then, more intently. At times, we were each finishing the other’s thoughts.]
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Me:
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So, here, you walk in the front door of the apartment, and you’re looking at …
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Dr. Lynn:
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… the hall closet door.
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Me:
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Yep. And, if you go left?
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Dr. Lynn:
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Into the living room.
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Me:
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Sure. And – in the living room, there is a brick fireplace.
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Dr. Lynn:
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Yes, a very shallow fireplace ... just a few inches deep.
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Me:
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Yes. Just a few inches deep, and, it has cast-iron logs that were halved lengthwise to fit in there.
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Dr. Lynn:
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It had no gas hookup and no electric hookup. The brick chimney was completely closed off about six-inches above the mantel – it just stopped. It was a complete fraud of a fireplace. [laughing]
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Me:
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Yes! [laughing] You know – when I was younger there, I really wondered about that fireplace – but I never asked about it either … ‘cause, you know …
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Dr. Lynn:
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…that’s where Santa came in! [laughing]
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Me:
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Yes -- exactly! [laughing] You thought the same! I mean – the chimney only went about six-inches up. I really wanted to know about Santa’s workaround for that. But, hey – as a kid, why unnecessarily stir that pot!
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Dr. Lynn:
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Yes! [laughing] OK. Now, from the front door – if you went to the right …
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Me:
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…there is a hall that goes into the dining room.
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Dr. Lynn:
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And, if you keep going straight …
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Me:
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… you go into the kitchen and out the back door.
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Dr. Lynn:
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But – from the dining room – if you instead go to the left, you’d cross a small hallway – into the bathroom.
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Me:
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Yes, but, if you go left again – before walking into the bathroom …
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Dr. Lynn:
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… that goes into my bedroom.
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Me:
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… actually, that’s my parents’ bedroom … I mean … that’s the bedroom where my parents slept.
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Dr. Lynn:
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Right. But, if I wanted to see my sister, I’d have to go out of my room ... back past the bathroom and into my parent’s bedroom … I mean, the bedroom where my parents slept.
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Me:
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That’s the bedroom where my sisters slept.
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Dr. Lynn:
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Right. So – if I wanted to visit my sister, I had to actually walk through my parents’ bedroom …
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Me:
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… yes – where my sisters slept….
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Dr. Lynn:
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….and, then, back onto a little converted porch area .. that was the bedroom where my sister slept.
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Me:
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That’s where my brother and I slept … that was our bedroom.
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Dr. Lynn:
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It was so small.
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Me:
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Right. Literally just a small converted-porch. My brother and I slept in a bunk-bed setup. I know a regular second bed wouldn’t have fit in there. I don’t think that room was more that 6-7 feet wide – and, maybe, it was just 10-feet going the other way.
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Dr. Lynn:
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You’re right – I remember, there was barely enough room for my sister’s bed and a small chest of drawers.
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Me:
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That room. Of course – it had no air conditioning, but – no real heat either! And, because it was at the back of the building – that was covered with an asphalt-based siding, depending on the way the sun would either hit it or miss it during the year [through the different seasons], that room actually had just two temperatures – either really-really-hot or really-really-cold. [laughing]
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Dr. Lynn:
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Right. [laughing] But, we kind of made the best of it too. In the Summer, I’d join my sister to sleep on the floor in that room [it was cooler on the floor]. We called it ‘camping’. I remember it was ‘fun’ to do that.
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Me:
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Right. In the Summer, my brother and I would sleep on the floor too. There almost wasn’t enough room for both of us there. You know – we called it ‘camping’ too. And, you’re right – it was ‘fun’.
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[Long silence here. I think this was about the point, for each of us – Dr. Lynn and I, where the enormity against the odds of us speaking and realizing what we had in common, plus the spontaneous neighborhood, school, and childhood memories – and, particularly, the shared childhood memories of ‘camping’ in that room, all came piling and crashing into a singularity. At-least, for me – this is where it all seemed to land at once, and it manifested into a very-long, and, seemingly, very-reflective silence. After however long it was – Dr. Lynn spoke first.]
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Dr. Lynn:
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OK. So, we need to …
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Me:
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Yes, … But … please wait ... So, I’m wondering whether … or… well, this all doesn’t seem to be affecting you …
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Dr. Lynn:
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Oh, [looking down ... seemingly, avoiding to look in my direction] no – no, it’s really affecting me [her voice breaking]. It’s really all I can do right now to maintain my professionalism [her voice breaking again], uh, to keep my composure – right now. I’m having a hard time keeping it together – right now – right currently. [Dr. Lynn was crying]
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Me:
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Right. Me too.
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[Again, more silence. I don’t remember whether I cried too – I do recall feeling a hot- mess. Again, Dr Lynn was the one that found a way to speak first – and it was back to the actual task at hand.]
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Dr. Lynn:
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OK. So, I have here – ‘Lane Tech’, and, what came next for you – from attending there?
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Me:
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Yes. So, in the Fall of my senior-year I enlisted for delayed entry into the Marine Corps …
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[From this point, Dr. Lynn and I spoke for about another hour. There was no further mention of 4333 N. Richmond – no more about that one apartment, on the second floor there.]
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For reasons that I am aware and make sense,
For reasons that I am aware and make sense, the VA has set strict guidelines that will prohibit Dr. Lynn and I from having further contact. If needed – I could probably find her. And – if she wanted, I think Dr Lynn could probably find me too. But I can’t imagine that I’d ever chance to compromise her integrity by doing that. And, at the very least – I can’t imagine that Dr. Lynn would ever chance to corrupt the investigation by doing that (even, in hindsight of the decision).
It seems no less than particularly amusing – doesn’t it? That – as even given to any of one’s beliefs or disbeliefs (the universe, divine intervention, karma, quantum-physics, or anything else), in our sixth decade of existence, we are still occasionally reminded of another (upper) hand that may still remain to be played – it seems always poised to surprise, if needed – it has a wicked sense of timing, and, otherwise – it maintains a sense of humor too.
I am glad for the opportunity to share this here.
Thank you.
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