Comments:
So, I've been kicking this reunion thing around for a long time now. The mini-reunion we recently had at the Cypress High Homecoming football game helped me make up my mind. Actually, I didn't even make it to the game. I went to the pizza place where we got together before hand - and that was enough.
It actually reminded me of high school: me walking into a room full of strangers and knowing almost instantly I didn't belong there. Don't get me wrong, everyone I spoke with was friendly, (a whole lot friendlier than I remember, actually). REALLY, everyone there seemed like really great people, and it was nice to talk to the one person I remembered and who remembered me. But the fact is, we've all had (and continue to have) full lives since then. Lives that have not included each other (me in yours or you in mine). And there are maybe two of you that I share any real memories with from back then. The rest of you were only vague acquaintances, or less.
God, I remember feeling so alienated back then. This was never your fault, you understand. It was only my distorted perception that made me feel that way. Looking back I think all I would have had to do was smile a little more and I would have done fine among you. But I was socially handicapped.
I found myself among you in 8th grade at Orangeview Jr.High, then in 9th grade at Lexington. All totaled, Cypress High was the 11th school I had ever attended. I was used to being the new kid. I didn't know how to be anything else, not that I didn't try. There were so many times when it was as if I were standing outside myself, helplessly watching myself make a complete fool of myself as I tried to be somebody i wasn't. I'm sure that makes no sense to you but it was practically a daily occurrence for me back then. Being the new kid taught me how to fight, but never how to make friends. Certainly not how to keep them for thirty years. So, even if you and I spoke once in a while back then, we're strangers now.
Going to the reunion wouldn't be horrible. I know you are all very nice people. But it wouldn't be meaningful for me the way it will for you. For me it would be an evening of,
You: Oh I remember you.
Me: Oh yeah, how you doin'?
You: Good... nice to see you again.
Me: Yeah, you too.
A couple of people who have read this message said they thought I sounded unhappy. I don't mean to sound that way at all. I just didn't want to miss the reunion without even acknowledging it - without acknowledging my connection, collectively, to all of you.
You are not people that I will ever forget. But all those loose ties, all those friendships I didn't have the skill to maintain with any of you - they are all overshadowed now by the ties I actually succeeded in making with my amazing wife, children, siblings, extended family, and a few very good, close friends made AFTER high school. I'm still no social butterfly. If I were I would have stayed longer at the pizza place and gone on to the homecoming game. I'd even go to the reunion. But I'm not. So I won't.
Still, my picture is in the junior and sophomore yearbooks, and this message is here now to testify that I was there with you back then and I'm still here now. For better or worse, you are my high school memories, and looking back through my 47 year old eyes, I think of you all warmly and wish you all well, sincerely. But I won't be at the reunion. At least not at the hotel. I might take my wife and children down to the beach party since it is in HB where I live anyway. Either way, good luck to you all.
Sincerely,
Dan Baker
