Great Truths About Growing Old

• Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
• Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
• You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
• You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
• Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies: They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
• One of life's mysteries is how a two ounce bag of candy can make person gain five pounds.
• I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
• There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full.
• Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
• The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
• Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
• Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
• Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.
• Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.

Submitted by Flo, Germantown, Md.
  WEBPAGE 3/16