Can't be me!
Have you been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking.....surely I cannot look that old? You may enjoy this short story.
While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.
After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school.
"Yes," he replied.
"When did you graduate?" I asked.
He answered, "1971. Why?"
"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely, and then the son of a bitch asked, "What did you teach?"
While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.
After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school.
"Yes," he replied.
"When did you graduate?" I asked.
He answered, "1971. Why?"
"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely, and then the son of a bitch asked, "What did you teach?"
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, remember Algebra.
Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.
1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door
won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather
than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and
pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to
drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't
apply to you.
Baby Boomer Songs
It was fun being a baby boomer… Until now. Some of the vocal artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers:
1. Herman's Hermits --- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker.
2. The Bee Gees --- How Can You Mend a Broken Hip?
3. Bobby Darin --- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash.
4. Ringo Starr --- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.
5. Roberta Flack --- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.
6. Johnny Nash --- I Can't See Clearly Now.
7. Paul Simon --- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver.
8. The Commodores --- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.
9. Marvin Gaye --- Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.
10. Procol Harem --- A Whiter Shade of Hair.
11. Leo Sayer --- You Make Me Feel Like Napping.
12. The Temptations --- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone.
13. Abba --- Denture Queen.
14. Tony Orlando --- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.
15. Helen Reddy --- I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.
16. Willie Nelson --- On the Commode Again.
17. Leslie Gore --- It 's My Procedure and I'll Cry If I Want To.
It was fun being a baby boomer… Until now. Some of the vocal artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers:
1. Herman's Hermits --- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker.
2. The Bee Gees --- How Can You Mend a Broken Hip?
3. Bobby Darin --- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash.
4. Ringo Starr --- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.
5. Roberta Flack --- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.
6. Johnny Nash --- I Can't See Clearly Now.
7. Paul Simon --- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver.
8. The Commodores --- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.
9. Marvin Gaye --- Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.
10. Procol Harem --- A Whiter Shade of Hair.
11. Leo Sayer --- You Make Me Feel Like Napping.
12. The Temptations --- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone.
13. Abba --- Denture Queen.
14. Tony Orlando --- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.
15. Helen Reddy --- I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.
16. Willie Nelson --- On the Commode Again.
17. Leslie Gore --- It 's My Procedure and I'll Cry If I Want To.