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February 24, 2020
Thinking about Randy Donais and how quickly he just wasn't here anymore. I don't believe that I knew him in school, but have really enjoyed getting to know him these past few years. He was just so vibrant and happy whenever I spoke with him. And now he's gone. And the thoughts that keep chasing each other in my mind remind me we were the same age and that he had diabetes most of his adult life, etc. I don't have diabetes yet, but it runs heavily in my family - my father and my oldest brother both died from it, along with several more distant relatives. My mother, her father, and one of her brothers died from different heart issues. I learned last fall that I have CAD - coronary artery disease, and had a stent put in and now take blood thinners every day. My maternal grandmother died of cancer 3 months before she turned 100. Several others on both sides of family had or have died from various cancers. My brother is fighting cancer, and so far I have beaten cancer twice, one kind in 2015, and lung cancer this past fall. I also learned that I have an incurable disease that can only be put into remission, but nearly always continues to reoccur over and over again.
So why am I still here? Is there something specific I am here to do or accomplish that has not taken place yet? Or is that just wishful thinking? Is it pure chance? Or predestination? The questions race through my mind often, sometimes keeping me awake at night. The only thing that I know for sure is that every day that I wake up and can get out of bed, I am grateful. Every time someone else dies, or someone I care about loses another loved one, I am grateful. I have no idea if I am still here for a specific reason, or if it is merely chance that I have survived this long. But for every day and for every breath, I am grateful. And I tell everyone that I care about every chance I get that I love them - and what I believe is special about each one of them. I cannot change the mistakes of my past, but I can do everything humanly possible to make sure I do not repeat those mistakes again. Live. Laugh. Love. "And the greatest of these is Love."
August 19, 2018
Just returned from a full week at the family cabin where I spent at least 2 weeks every summer as a child. It has been 4 years since I was last there. Several changes have been made in the meantime by other family shareholders. Still feels like home. Traveled the entire lake via a pedal boat with my sister, Jeanie, over the course of the week. LOTS of exercise LOL! Ready to face my life again, and make some crucial decisions about possible changes. A MUCH needed vacation.
February 8, 2018
In May of 2017, I applied for and won a position of Corrections Food Service Leader 3. I started at a Kenosha facility at that time. Even though I knew a great deal about nutrition and cooking, and had done ordering and supervision in the past, nothing really prepared me for the duties of supervising a prison kitchen where the inmates do the actual cooking under supervision. As with any bureaucracy, there are never ending policies and directives to be adhered to; there are limitless little nuances to be aware of; and there are an ever changing set of rules to be followed. In addition, the individuals in a prison are not exactly Eagle Scouts in the first place - and that's not just the inmates, lol. This has been one of the biggest challenges I have taken on in my life, and months later, I am still learning, albeit I am now learning the finer points of the job. The challenge has kept me on my toes, and the constant need to learn new things has kept my mind active - although I still frequently enter a room and forget why I am there in the first place, lol. I enjoy my job most days, and I really like the schedule. My favorite thing is that I am so busy, most 8 hours fly by. I have even worked an hour over without even realizing it. Nevertheless, I am looking forward to retirement, even if I need a part time job to get through. Here's to retirement in my future!
July 27, 2016
Yesterday I was told that the hyperbaric treatments had worked, and my throat ulcer had completely healed over. According to my ENT Oncologist, this would not have happened if there was any cancer still present at the site, so I am now officially cancer-free, and in remission! WOOT! WOOT! Praise God and Hallelujah! Unfortunately, as good as my news was, my friend that I met in the chamber got very bad news. He has an infection which has set into the bone. If you pray, or send positive thoughts, or whatever it is you do, please pray for complete healing for him. Thank you.
April 2016
I was diagnosed with metastatic squamous cell cancer of the head and neck with unknown origins in July of 2015. Extensive surgery in September of 2015, followed by a regimen of both chemo and radiation treatments. My sister, Jeanie, changed her dining room into a bedroom for me, and took care of me through the worst of it. My daughter, Erin, came from NM to help, and my son, Andrew, helped out, too. Not an experience I would wish on even an enemy, but the 3 month review showed some cellular changes, and I have an open ulcer in the back of my throat that won't heal. Investigating the options now. Something like cancer has a way of making you re-evaluate all aspects of your life, and recognize that you really have no control at all. The ONLY thing you have control over is how you react to what happens to you, and how you play the hand you are dealt. I have learned a whole new depth of appreciation for family, friends, nature, and life itself. I pray daily that God will allow me to live many more years in decent health. I am truly an advocate of quality over quantity of life. I am grateful for what I do have, and my cup runs over. Very much looking forward to the reunion this summer.
Summer 2015
Hitch hiked around the country off and on for several years after high school, seeing all but 12 of the states. Lived in 3 other states (Satsuma, Saraland, and Mobile, Alabama; Conway, Arkansas; and Boulder, Colorado) for a couple years each. (Well, Boulder for only about 6 months before I ran out of money with still no job!) Made friends all over the country as a result. Seen a few more states in the NE in the last few years. Worked a variety of jobs from waiting tables, to being a case manager/advocate in a shelter for battered women, to mowing lawns and being the grease monkey on the equipment on weekends, to being a legal secretary, to temping myself out while my children were growing up just to keep myself in contact with the adult world. After my divorce, I needed benefits, so I applied for and started with the state at UW-Whitewater. Really loved working there, but after 3 deaths in my close family in 5 months, I did a deep evaluation of my priorities, and decided I wanted to be a bit closer to my immediate family. So, I applied for and got a position with the Dept of Corrections in a minimum security prison. Talk about culture shock! OMG! However, I have now been in this position since November of 2013, and I have come to like it now that I have an idea how the DOC works, not to mention that I work with a great group of people in my immediate vicinity. I know I make a difference in some lives, and that makes a difference for me. My son lives in Kenosha for now, and my daughter has relocated to the SW. It bothers me that she lives so far away, but thanks to technology, we can talk all we want - and do! Besides, both their father and I had the wanderlust, so I can expect no less from our offspring! I have reconnected with a few classmates, and have rediscovered some really good friends that have deeply enhanced my life. I am a 'foodie', and really love trying new foods, especially new recipes and new spices I have never used before. I am also a bibliophile, and although I appreciate technology, I will always prefer the feel and smell of a real book. I enjoy both meditation and yoga, although I am far from being an advanced student. I still really love the outdoors and almost everything that is associated with that - hiking, biking, skiing, fishing, kayaking, canoeing, or just sitting on the rocks by Lake Michigan, feeling the wind, listening to the birds and the waves, smelling the air, and absorbing all the sensations my senses can. I also love the woods, and spend a lot of time wherever I can find public woods. I love it in the northern half of the state. Although you may hear me complain about winter come February or March, I returned to Wisconsin for two reasons - I love the full four seasons - including winter, and I hate 3-inch, flying cockroaches, scorpions, and poisonous snakes! I do love most things about Wisconsin, but have to balance that with the fact that I believe our current 'idiots-in-charge' are ruining our state.
