| 10/05/08 01:53 PM |
#230
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Lance Ramsay (1988)
OK… more stories on this nice Fall Sunday.
First, Laura I was a part of that “Marilyn, get a shotgun” story. I remember being very quiet (and Darren sure as hell wasn’t saying anything) as Brad Putter just had a nice little chat with your dad…about our sneaking around your house at all hours of the night. The story seemed to take a "bushels per acre" turn at one point and all was well. Actually, the next hostage situation we have around the world, the US probably needs to send Brad to get them out. As I remember, Jack let us in, gave us booze and told us to “be sure to violate Laura real good” before we left. But it was late and my mind could be a little fuzzy on some of the details.
So I’m seeing all this stuff about Brad Scott getting destroyed by Jon Paul Maack during punt return practice. While I don’t remember that happening, I don’t doubt that it did and by the time I hit Kinsley this week, I’ll definitely remember it clearly…even if I have to make up the visuals in my mind. BUT, one I definitely remember was Shawn “Moby” Bruce doing something not so nice to the Freshman players and having Gene Flax punt to him at the end of a practice; giving all the poor Freshman a chance to knock an unprotected Shawn around as punishment. I think he punted about 6 balls to Shawn and all was going swimmingly (Shawn was getting crushed by Freshman half his size as planned) until about punt #5. The Freshman all hopped off the pile of humanity, Shawn of course at the bottom, and start jogging to Coach Flax for the next punt. Bruce staggers to his feet, as he had a few times before, but he’s…..wait…why’s he sprinting behind the freshman? Yes, our pal "Moby" was also running (actually it was as fast as I ever saw him run) towards Coach Flax, trailing the freshman class by 5 or 10 yards and gaining fast. Now a betting man would say he probably just sustained a head injury and didn’t know what he was doing. But a betting man probably wouldn't understand Shawn could get a bit out of control on occasion with rage. Bruce sprinted towards Shawn Merritt like a man possessed and gave Mr. Merritt a shove in the back which nearly put the poor kid in orbit. As he did this he screamed “which one of you motherfuckers grabbed my nuts?!?!” I thought Flax was going to have a stroke as he chewed Bruce’s ass mightily and yanked on his facemask in a way worthy of a 90 yard penalty. I think he actually made Bruce field another few punts for punishment for pushing Shawn Merritt too.
The next memory I’d like to share is not for the weak of heart. Darren Wire and Brad Scott were at times as good a comedy duo as has ever walked the earth. Generally this took place at the other’s expense, so they probably never got the chance to enjoy it like we did. Oh well, good friends can make fun little jokes about someone’s senile grandma falling in the snow, lying there for days, nearly dying from exposure and being found upon the rest of the family’s return from a lovely ski trip. That’s just what friends do! But this example was a little “personal.” It seems Darren had issues with misplacing some of his articles of clothing before football practice. Since Brad was his locker mate, you can guess where he’d look for replacement. On this particular day Darren had lost his underwear and my knowledge of the incident starts with an already frustrated Brad asking loudly “where did I put my underwear?” Of course I look over ready to make a smart ass remark when my eyes catch Darren obviously struggling to get a pair of underwear, likely about 20 sizes too small, pulled up his legs and into place. All I can say is think of putting a rubber band around the middle of a full water balloon. Brad also noticed Darren’s struggles just as he was completing the task. “Darren, those are my underwear” he claimed. “No, these are mine” responds Darren in a way which bordered on annoyed. “Darren, those are obviously way too small for you and I can’t find my own underwear!” “No these are mine” was again Darren’s response, as Brad reaches to the back to check the size. “Darren, these are smalls and they’re mine.” “No I wear smalls too,” says Darren as he continues getting dressed, barely paying attention to Brad. Within another minute or two Darren is fully dressed and walking out the door. Brad on the other hand is still wearing a towel, sort of helplessly looking for the underwear he knows just left the building.
Speaking of underwear and locker rooms. Anyone remember Troy Leith getting knocked senseless in a football game at Hugoton (my Frosh yr, his Sr. yr)? After the game he showers and says he’s ready to board the bus…unfortunately he was wearing nothing but his underwear. That was also the game Shane Miller got hurt (all 55 lbs of him) and was wearing panty hose to keep warm. He said he got some pretty suspicious looks at the hospital when they were cutting those off him. By the way, for those keeping score at home…Hugoton 50…Fighting Coyotes 0 and it was cold as hell!
I see Greg Short has now chimed in on the big board. Now I’m sure Greg is an amazing guy these days. He obviously appears to have a great job and family. But I can’t speak to all this current stuff, because I just knew Greg during a more awkward time…from about the ages of 5-24. Perhaps a story or two will prompt him to come to the reunion…to kick my ass! :-)
- This is a Jr. High (or even grade school) story. Remember going to Hamm and Pool drug store to drink the $.20 bottles of pop and watch cartoons after school? One day there was a group of us there which included Greg and Chad. Well, Greg had himself a little snack that day…delicious Bugles! (www.generalmills.com/corporate/brands/product_image.aspx?catID=438&itemID=839 ) On the link I posted you'll notice the conical shape of the things. We'll get back to that in a second. But first, Greg was getting tired of Chad swiping his Bugles, so he put up a fight for one. Like a couple of guys fighting over a gun or something they struggled. After a futile tug-o-snack Chad abruptly gave up and that’s when we had our moment of discovery. Did you know a Bugles corn flavored snack fits perfectly up a person’s nose? Neither did we. But in hand-to-hand Bugles combat when one person gives up the fight without notice, the other person has a lot of strength and motion that have to go somewhere. Well unfortunately for our pal Greg he ended up inadvertently shoving the Bugle up his nostril with amazingly violent force. Within a split second the corn goodness was supplanted by a bloody mess. Now I guess Greg was afraid someone will steal his comfy seat or something, because instead of getting up to get a paper towel (a roll was needed) or a tourniquet for his neck or something. He basically just kept wiping his arm over the afflicted nostril. But there was so much blood he had to wipe it from basically finger tips to shoulder which he did for a minute or two. We were laughing at him with some amusement and a lot of disgust over the blood situation when he finally gave up his chair to tend to the bleeding.
-Another quick Greg story from about the same time and place. Greg thought it was pretty cool that he had the only pet raccoon in town. It was pretty cute and stuff. But even to a young fellow like me it seemed odd to have a wild animal as a pet. Well Greg would plop the thing on his shoulder and walk around town. Well one day he’s rolling over to Hamm and Pool for some refreshment (likely a Grape Soda and Bugles Corn Snacks) and has his raccoon with him. Well the animal certainly got attention, but even more when it shit down the front of his shirt. We didn’t hear much of the raccoon after that day.
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