A MATTER OF LAUGH OR DEATH

Come to think of it, not much has changed in 20 years

It’s hard to believe it has been 20 years since Graduation Day, 1990. It’s hard to believe after this many years, we continue to say, “It’s hard to believe…” What did we think, that we were immune to the passage of time?

That we would remain forever in our 20s? That we were the first genera­tion in history that would not wake up one day and discover we were now in our late 30's, and our kids are getting older. Yes, that’s exactly it. We never thought we’d ever get old. Or, at least, we never thought it would happen so darn quickly. There’s an old expres­sion: The more things change, the more they stay the same. Well, there’s another old expression: The more things change, the more they REALLY change.

Here is a list that demonstrates how much things indeed have changed during the past 20 years.

Each couplet describes something we were doing back in 1990, followed by what we instead are doing now in 2009.

Sociology exam – Prostate exam.

Going to sleep at 4 a.m. – Waking up at 4 a.m.

Keg parties – Tupperware parties.

Big hair – No hair.

Hot babes – Hot flashes.

Hours of enjoyment with a $30 Boom Box– Hours of frustration with a $900 set of golf clubs.

Progressive politics – Progressive bifocals.

Getting high – Getting high blood pressure.

Beer kegs that flowed to the max – Bladders in desperate need of FLO­MAX.

Lying to our parents about what we did in college – Lying to our children about what we did in college.

Starting Saturday night at 10 p.m. – Concluding Saturday night at 10 p.m.

Poli Sci – PoliGrip.

Studying ancient history – Remem­bering ancient history. Thinking people in their 30s were old timers – Thinking people in their early 30s are young pups.

Hundreds of casettes stored away in the attic – Hundreds of digital albums stored in a 2-ounce iPod.

Hoping we wouldn’t have to move back in with our parents – Hoping our kids won’t move back in with us.

Greek fraternities – Grecian formu­la.

Wishing our parents would leave us alone – Wishing our kids would call once in a while.

Amazed at Bruce Springsteen’s en­durance during a 3-hour concert – Amazed at Bruce Springsteen’s en­durance during a 3-hour concert.

 Big, bushy hair – Bushy ear hair.

Deciding where to live – Deciding where to be buried.

Trying to discover the meaning of life – Trying to discover the meaning of death.

Focused on finding happiness – Re­alizing happiness comes when we stop focusing on it.