You Are From Georgia If...
1. You measure distance in hours.
2. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
3. Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
4. Stores don't have shopping carts; they have buggies.
5. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.
6. You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store.
7. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal.
8. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
9. You carry jumper cables in your car...for your OWN car.
10. You get tears in your eyes when Lee Greenwood sings "proud to be an American," no matter how often you hear it.
11. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
12. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
13. You think sexy lingerie is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.
14. The local paper covers national and international news on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.
15. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
16. You attend every high school reunion, and chaired the committee twice.
17. You find 90 degrees F "a little warm,"
18. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, Still summer, and Christmas.
19. You know whether another Georgian is from southern, middle, or northern Georgia soon as they open their mouth.
20. There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 or more.
21. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past-time known as "goin wal-martin" or off to 'WallyWorld.
22. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather.
23. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop ... it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor.
24. You know what a "spicket" is.
25. You still call the refrigerator the "icebox."
26. You call it a cold Christmas if you don't break out in a sweat in your new sweater.
27. Your whole town completely shuts down for 1 inch of snow or just the threat of snow.
28. You understand these jokes and forward them to your friends from Georgia.

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Someone once noted that a Southerner can get away with the most awful kind of insult just as long as it's prefaced with the words, "Bless her heart" or "Bless his heart." As in, "Bless his heart, if they put his brain on the head of a pin, it'd roll around like a BB on a six lane highway." Or, "Bless her heart, she's so bucktoothed, she could eat an apple through a picket fence." There are also the sneakier ones: "You know, it's amazing that even though she had that baby 7 months after they were married, bless her heart, it weighed 10 pounds."

As long as the heart is sufficiently blessed, the insult can't be all
that bad.

I was thinking about this the other day when a friend was telling
about her new Transplanted Northern friend who was upset because her toddler is just beginning to talk and he has a Southern accent. My friend, who is very kind and, bless her heart, cannot do a thing about those thighs of hers, was justifiably miffed about this. After all, this woman had CHOSEN to move to the South a couple of years ago. Can you believe it?" said her friend. "A child of mine is going to be "taaaallllkkin liiiike thiiiissss.."

Now, don't get me wrong. Some of my dearest friends are from the North, bless their hearts. I welcome their perspective, their friendships and their recipes for authentic Northern Italian food. I've even gotten past their endless complaints that you can't find good bread down here. And the heathens, bless their hearts, don't like cornbread!

We've already lost too much. I was raised to say "swanee," not
swear, but you hardly ever hear anyone say that anymore, I swanee you don't.

And I've caught myself thinking twice before saying something is
"right much," "right close," or "right good" because non-natives think this is right funny indeed. I have a friend from Bawston who thinks it's hilarious when I say I've got to "carry" my daughter to the doctor or "cut off" the light. She also gets a giggle every time I am "fixin'" to do something. And, bless their hearts, they don't even know where "over yonder" is or what "I reckon" means!

My personal favorite was my aunt, saying, "Bless her heart, she can't help being ugly, but she could've stayed home."

Southern girls know bad manners when they see them:

1. Drinking straight out of a can.
2. Not sending thank you notes.
3. Velvet after February.
4. White shoes before Easter or after Labor Day.

Southern girls always say:

1. "Yes, ma'am."
2. "Yes, sir."

Southern girls have a distinct way with fond expressions:

1. "Y'all come back! now ya heaah,"
2. "Well, bless your heart."
3. "Drop by when you can."
4. "How's your mother?"
5. "Love your hair."

Southern girls know their three R's!:

1. Rich
2. Richer
3. Richest

Southern girls know everybody's first name:

1. Honey
2. Darlin'
3. Sugah

Southern girls know the movies that speak to their hearts:

1. "Gone With the Wind"
2. "Fried Green Tomatoes"
3. "Driving Miss Daisy"
4. "Steel Magnolias"

Southern girls know their cities dripping with Southern charm:

1. Hotlanta or Adlanna =(Atlanta as outsiders say)
2. Richmon
3. Challston
4. S'vannah
5. Birminham
6. Nawlins'
7. OH! And that city in Alabama? It's pronouncedMUNTGUMRY!

Southern girls know the three deadly sins:

1. Bad hair
2. Bad manners
3. Bad blind dates

G.R.I.T.S. = Girls Raised in The South!

Now you run along, Sugah, and send this to someone else Raised In The South, i.e., Southern Belles, or ANY females aspiring to be GRITS. Even the northern ones, "Bless Their Hearts". That Reminds me-I have a rubber stamp that says "Just because your children were born in the South does not make them Southerners. After all, if a cat had kittens in the oven, that wouldn't make them biscuits."

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Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were. The first man was an Engineer,the second man was an Accountant,the third man was a Chemist, andthe fourth man was a Government Employee.  To show off, the Engineer called his cat, 'T-square, do your stuff.' T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.  Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.   But the Accountant said his cat could do better.  He called his cat and said, 'Spreadsheet, do your stuff.'  Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies.  He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies.   Everyone agreed that was good.  But the Chemist said his cat could do better.  He called his cat and said, 'Measure, do your stuff.'  Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop.  Everyone agreed that was pretty good. Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said,  'What can your cat do?'   The Government Employee called his cat and said, 'CoffeeBreak, do your stuff.'  CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet.......   ate the cookies.........  drank the milk.......  sh*t on the paper........    screwed the other three cats....... claimed
he injured his back while doing so.......  filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions.......   put in for Workers Compensation................and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.............    AND THAT, MY FRIEND IS WHY EVERYONE  WANTS TO WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT!!