Marc Schmitt

2019- 40 years. sunofabeech. I am sitting in the front room while reading the latest internet troll posts. The answering machine has a message from the magic onion committee on it. Outside my window there is a blue bird and a red bird squawking up a storm. They seem to do that a lot. Just like the troll blogs. Yup. I am indeed a fungus. I grew onto the moist wood here and I expect to dry up and blow away from here too. In terrace park. Unless the constant increase in taxation forces me to move my hoarding to a mobile home down by another part of the river. I read some of these already. People with babies, people with grand babies, people with baby grands, people who visited the grand Caymans, someone who might have fallen into the grand canyon even. Amazing. Like pee in a swimming pool. It just spread out to all corners and you have to test for it to see if some of it is there.
2014- eve of reunion:
Thought I would at least write something to say hey, yes i know what is up. Where have I been the last 5 years? Be happy. I have not been in your attic staring down at you through peep holes. Truth is; when i got the invite i came upon the realization that i have been a caregiver for my parents 33 of those 35 years. I am pooped. Bad enough things just happen and i find myself phobic and having trouble walking but to have had to do all that for so long just got me blue without any gold to make it snazzy. On the one hand, it would be nice to see any of you and all of you in one place. On the other hand, motivation has left the building. So, post pictures. Enjoy the night. And blessing on you and yours.


ive been thinking about something optimistic to say and all i have come up with so far is that i think i could use a body waxing, shave, haircut and general appearance overhaul. until i pulled that picture from PC i had no idea i got that hairy. guess that happens when you have no spouse to say " hey knucklehead. youre way too hairy"
i kept thinking that i shouldve written something for April 1st. people have a hard time believing what i say anyway so i wrote this today.
new 5-15:
i liked what i wrote so much about the 20 years after HS that i dont want to change that now. i will try to add something from the last 10 years as it pops in my head.
1999- after the 20 year, i was a bit lost and went off in search of somewhere to belong. i ran into this group that called themselves the Y2keggers. i dont really go for kegs anymore but they seemed friendly enough so i hung around with them. it seems they thought something wonderous was going to happen that new years. i just thought they were drunk. Dec 31 rolled around and i kept thinking how odd it was that they never seemed to be hauling around any kegs. that night, we parked on a hill overlooking the city and waited. boom, pop, whee. new years came and went. i started to believe that these folks were nuts. maybe i was nuts and they were perfectly fine. anyway, they all wandered off looking dissapointed and i never did figure out till years later that they were y2k ers.
2000- i had a great time with an internet start up company. we would take pictures of your pet and when they got lost we would post them on i-lost-my-pet-and-i-cant-stop-crying-about-it site. i even sold my gold teeth for collateral to buy a barn as an office. sad news is that we were so busy looking for lost pets that we never heard that the tech bubble had popped till we found a bunch of fbi dudes ransacking the barn. we owed a ton and they wouldnt let us leave till they had the shirts off our backs. pretty scary. a bunch of middle aged programmer types running around a field without shirts or tans.
2003- i had a new idea. since i had so much experience seeking lost pets i figured i would parley that into stalking people. theyre bigger. they have routines. it seemed like a great match. i dont know why homeland security had to get involved. i dont even look a little bit middle eastern. they told me to come along and that they had a fun activity called water boarding for me to try. i didnt see any harm. ive seen snow, body, serf and other kinds of board activities; how bad could this be? never ask a stupid question. you might just get an answer.
2005- y'know this thing called life? i dont think i got the right manual back when i was born. things were just a little stranger than i ever expected. for example; nobody ever told me that when i got interested in gardening i would attract lots of local wildlife. that would have been fine had i gotten interested in wildlife 1st. but they kept fighting me for the use of them vegetables that i was trying to grow. a mad squirrel is not something to be taken lightly. especially when they call in them utterly nasty deers. i was soon to learn another valuable lesson: shooting deer or critters is not an act of self defense even when they are jumping on you or pounding you to the pavement with their hooves. what i did learn is that when they come after you, you best run and get a motor vehicle and use that to get them. that is what they call an accident and not a hunting violation. i guess i shouldve studies law and then i might understand all them goings on a bit more.
2008- i had had a few peaceful years since the summer of critter chaos. i should have guessed that there was something big on the horizon. since i had already gotten burned by the stock market i was sure that i would be safe taking what little i had left and putting it in the bank. that and i had a decent job going in with chrysler.
i shouldve known something was coming. we who live around cincinnati had a lovely storm in september. some say it was the 1st hurricane that this region has ever experienced. then came the bank crashes. 1st trees flying now banks falling. has anyone seen that other shoe of mine?

y'know; i dont think that i ever went to TP country club like a normal patron. i lived just across the river from it you think i wouldve. you see, i had some dogs. they liked to fetch. they learned that there were things to fetch across the river. they went across and waited for someone to hit their toy. they ran out of the woods and got the toy. they ran away from cussing golfer type. one day i figured it all out when i followed them and found a stash of 100s of balls.
hope you get a laugh out of that.

6-21 This is not a MHS story. This occurs in the months immediately following graduation.
I went off to a local university cause I didn't really know what else to do with myself. I got a job on campus as a custodian and another one as snack service in the later hours to pay for all that tuition. Then I got an off campus job to pay for being alive. Fun times. 3 jobs, full load at school and a hobby. It's the hobby I am writing about. The university had a little radio station. Unlike the UC station where the student radio only broadcasted to the campus, this one could be listened to for several dozen miles. I did a music program from 11P till anywhere up to 7Am. When you are spinning tunes all night long you inevitably wonder if "there's anybody out there?" I knew at least 1 person. She would call on Saturday's and request things she didn't have in her library but we usually did. The calls came from parties and other places. About once a month she would house sit a place she described as 3 stories with a widows walk at the top. Mostly empty and if she was on the phone while there you could hear the music echo throughout. Of course I would always try to find something from the Acid period of music to play since it came across the phone with such an erie quality. Around Christmas I pretty much had the campus to myself. Everyone had gone HolyDaying. Just me and 1 of the campus police and a lovely foot of snow. Sat came and I got the call again. Odd, she was a student and I figured she would be gone. I put her on speaker phone ( new technology for an old techno radio station ) and went about the business of keeping the station operating. At one point she started whispering that she wasn't alone in the house. She was hearing out of place sounds. We went through several minutes of what to do then I suggested she call the officer and have him check around. I was sure that if anyone were up to funny business that they would have left tracks in the snow or something. I got worried after an hour of no news. I took my keys, put on a tape of long tunes and went into the night to with my VW to plow through the snow. I didn't exactly know where the house was, but campus wasn't huge and I was looking for the idling campus police vehicle. This I found. Poor guy. They don't even get a gun. There he was, scrunching through the snow with his wacking stick and flashlight. The house was dark. I knew him from various meetings for campus staff so he wasn't surprised by my appearing. We knocked. We looked for disturbances in the snow. Nothing. At one point he said that he didn't think I would need the sledge hammer I had from my other other job ( yup. like the song said, i wound up werkin in a gas station ). This went on for a bit. I could hear the station from my car radio. I needed to get back. My tape was getting near the end. I asked him to stop by. I had fresh coffee. He told me that he would alert the city police to check on this.
He stopped by early. I was loading up the Sunday morning sermon for radio. He got his slightly crunchy coffee. Then he told me that the city police talked to him. They hadn't found anything.
I was starting to believe it was a prank. It was 1979. No good way to dump telephone records for a trace, you had to have the phone company aware that you wanted one. It was just one of them things. I never met the woman. I really didn't know what she was studying. I was working when they were having the party I played music for so I didn't know who they were till I started asking around about the Saturday party.
I never got another call. I never found out who the caller was. It ended up being one of those moments that you get to a 30 year reunion and you think, "what was that all about?".
I still don't know.
If it was one of you, it's time to come clean. A joke ain't funny unless you can point at someone and tell them you got them. It still might not be funny if they didn't think it was and jump you after you tell them.
I promise. I won't jump you if you did it. You'ld know the address and the school and even the songs that were requested.
I just wanna know is all.