Forgive my prattling on about my personal issues but I find myself in a profound state of being dazed and confused.

Within the past five years many events have had a signifiant impact upon my psyche. My niece was killed by her distraught boyfiend, my dear brother passed away and most recently Ahmed died.

Mind you, this is not an assault upon "faith" as it were, it a statement of fact. I am so confused about loss. It's extremely difficult for me to rationalize. I wish there were better answere than, "That's life," or "It's only in G-d's hands," you get my drift. We've all lost, I am sure, I just wish I didn't feel like I'm in limbo, especially now.

My deep rooted relationship with the Elsaidi family, has catapaulted me to a level of leadership for the younger generations, 20's and 30's. They have cooked for me and shopped for me and take care of me as they did Ahmed. All of this is a feeling I have never experienced as illustrated in my manuscript.

The dilemma lies in my inability to explain and fill the void of this loss to these young men knowing I can't understand it myself. Imagine a 26 year old man calling at 1:00 am asking you, "Moshe, what happened."

This goes on daily with these fellows. We all did our best, and we most certainly did, but we lost a grueling battle. If you have any suggestions or thoughts please offer them (unless you're the snotty pitty pot girl in which case I ask that you not trash my issue with another hateful barrage.)

Thanks,

Mo