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I majored in violin and viola at Oberlin Conservatory, but I chose the school for all the other things Oberlin offered. Sadly stage struck, I wormed my way into musicals, Gilbert & Sullivan operettas, and dance classes produced by the Conservatory. In the summer after graduation, I performed summer stock on Cape Cod–nine shows in eleven weeks at the College Light Opera Company. In 2023, at the age of 70, I performed in yet another Gilbert & Sullivan operetta at the University of Michigan. It took me forever to learn I was not destined for any kind of showbiz greatness.
Oberlin’s “Learning and Labor” was not so much about attending class as about discovering close friendship, working passionately for a goal, thinking independently, and recognizing that there are countless paths to a full life.
After I graduated from Juilliard with a Masters degree, I finally accepted I was in the wrong field. Better late than never. On the plus side, I stayed in the business long enough to play Wagner’s Tristan und Isolde with Leonard Bernstein and The Stravinsky’s Rite of Spring with Seiji Ozawa. I am still a huge opera fan.
In 1984, if you could spell “computer” you could get a job in corporate technology. I did. Eventually, I discovered that managing teams of talented people through complex projects was my place –18 years managing bleeding edge software projects (NY, NJ, AZ), and, intermittently, serving as the general contractor for real estate projects (AZ, NJ, MI) over 35 years. At the same time, I went back to school because I wanted to fix Corporate America. (M.S. in Organizational Behavior from American University) Nope, I did not fix Corporate America (can anyone?), but I did become a better manager and learned the skills to be a successful entrepreneur. During my corporate years I also taught Project Management for Columbia University’s Executive MBA program and was named Outstanding Teacher in 2002.
So much for the GoGo 80’s and 90’s.
There are two other L’s beside “Learning and Labor”– “Love and Loss”
Paul Morris (Oberlin ‘74) was my first boyfriend. We kept in touch. He remained delightful. Paul moved to Germany, but came back often. Karin Fagerburg, Mark Kerback, and I traveled to Cape Cod to share his 50th birthday with his family. When Paul returned to Germany he fell asleep at the wheel on the Autobahn and was killed in a head on collision. This was the first great grief of my life. I dedicate my Oberlin donation to Paul every year.
I lasted with my first husband for 16 years. We had a wonderful time traveling all over the world (20 countries). The travel bug has never gone away. But the marriage did go away in 1996. 9/11 happened. The dot com crash happened. The world changed. America lost its innocence. Resilience, dormant generosity, and creativity stepped up.
In 2004, my parents began to have health issues, I moved to Dallas, TX, and bought a decrepit 1913 craftsman house to renovate. I was the family caregiver for the next five years. My father died in 2008. My mother died in 2010.
I do not think we become real adults until we have been caregivers. It is the most challenging and best thing I ever did. I learned patience, a more generous kind of love, and how to be still. I wrote a blog and taught a course at SMU on aging and caregiving. The unanticipated gift was that my mother and I, who had our bumpy moments, made our peace and built a wonderful relationship in the last years of her life. I will always be grateful for that. In 2018 my sister was diagnosed with neck and throat cancer. As primary caregiver again, I rallied my four other siblings, and between us tag-teamed her care for eight months. She made it. All five of my siblings are still well and strong. What a blessing.!
The great bonus from moving to Texas is that I met my dear, darling husband, David. We married in 2009 and moved to Michigan in 2013. That year we bought and renovated a log cabin on a 200 acre lake outside of Ann Arbor. We also built a dealership called DogWatch by Laughing Labrador and installed underground dog fences together for seven years. After ridiculous amounts of formal education, we did not even need high school diplomas to do the job–just physical strength, attention to detail, good customer service, a sense of humor, willingness to get dirty, and a love of dogs. I finally understood what real Labor was, especially during Michigan’s bitter winters. It was very hard physical work but also the best, most fun job either of us ever had. It is the work of which I am most proud. We sold the business during Covid and retired to our beautiful lakehouse with our two Labradoodles. I was able to read three books a week, hike, swim, go to the gym, start singing again, make new friends, sleep late, audition for Gilbert & Sullivan, get involved in local politics, and plan some trips to places not yet experienced. We had our perfect life and a glorious relationship for 18 years. We shared engaged, secure, adventurous, and delicious happiness. Some people never get that.
That is where I would like to leave this very long profile, but it is not the end.
In October 2024 David was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and died at home three months later. In addition, Karin Fagerburg, my very close girlfriend at Oberlin, died. This past year has been one of profound grief. The hardest part is reinventing the future, when I thought I was all set to live happily ever after. I would feel robbed except I have learned that everyone has difficult losses. The unexpected happens. All the Learning and Labor that started at Oberlin and took me through four or five careers and some serious relationships taught me that resilience may be the best quality I acquired over the last fifty years
Oberlin taught me that there are always options. There are so many things to learn and explore. Life will lead you on endless adventures if you can keep yourself open to whatever shows up. May the next year be a better one for us all.
