Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Bodine and Roxy.  I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

I was tempted to tell her that it was for my elephant, but... because I'm retired and have plenty of time on my hands, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet, and that the way it works is, you load your pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.  The food is nutritionally complete so it works really well, and I was going to  try it again.

I added that last time it really worked great, but that I probably shouldn't,  because I ended up  in the hospital.  I'd lost 30 pounds, but I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices, and IVs in both arms.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I stepped out in the road to pee on a fire hydrant, and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people.  They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say