Things I’ve learned over the years…

I learned that when Mom said “NO” she meant it. ~ Age 2

I learned that our dog doesn't want to eat my broccoli either. ~ Age 3

I learned when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back. ~ Age 4

I learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up again. ~ Age 5

I learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sing "Silent Night". ~ Age 6

I learned two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. ~ Age 7

I learned we are responsible for what we do, no matter what. ~ Age 8

I learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up. ~ Age 9

I learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you. ~ Age 10

I learned that if you don’t ask, you don’t get. ~ Age 11

I learned that no one really wants to skin a cat. ~ Age 12

I learned that however good or bad a situation is, it will change. ~ Age 13

I learned although it's hard to admit it, I'm secretly glad my parents are strict with me. ~ Age 14

I learned you can keep going long after you think you can’t. ~ Age 15

I learned that no one is in charge of your happiness except you. ~ Age 16

I learned no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief. ~ Age 17

I learned you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life. ~ Age 18

I learned that it was an honor to serve in the military, even when it wasn’t popular. ~ Age 19

I learned that a teenage love doesn’t always last or work out. ~ Age 20

I learned that if a relationship has to be secret, I shouldn’t be in it. ~ Age 21

I learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done regardless of the consequences. ~ Age 22

I learned that silent company is often more healing than words of advice. ~ Age 23

I learned that wherever I go, the world's worst drivers have followed me there. ~ Age 24

I learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down will be the ones to help you get back up. ~ Age 25

I learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone. ~ Age 26

I learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them. ~ Age 27

I learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so no one will believe it. ~ Age 28

I learned some people can and do blow smoke without puffing on a pipe, cigar or cigarette. ~ Age 29

I learned that true friendship continues to grow even over very long distance; same for true love. ~ Age 30

I learned that brushing my child's hair is one of life's great pleasures. ~ Age 31

I learned that sometimes when I am angry I have a right to be angry but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel. ~ Age 32

I learned that you shouldn’t take yourself so serious as no one else does. ~ Age 33

I learned the value of ONE vote. ~ Age 34

I learned if you want to do something positive for your children, work to improve your marriage. ~ Age 35

I learned that we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change. ~ Age 36

I learned that life isn’t fair but it’s still good. ~ Age 37

I learned that the folks that say “Trust Me” most likely cannot be. ~ Age 38

I learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don't know how to show it. ~ Age 39

I learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being. ~ Age 40

I learned that just because two people argue doesn’t mean they don’t love each other as well as just because they don’t argue doesn’t mean they do love each other. ~ Age 41

I learned that the people you care about the most in life are often taken from you too soon. ~ Age 42

I learned that you can make someone's day by simply sending them a little note. ~ Age 43

I learned that life is too short to waste time hating anyone. ~ Age 44

I learned you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life Forever. ~ Age 45

I learned the greater a persons’ sense of guilt, the greater their need to cast blame on others. ~ Age 46

I learned that children and grandparents are natural allies. ~ Age 47

I learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t even know you. ~ Age 48

I learned that no matter what happens or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. ~ Age 49

I learned that singing "Amazing Grace" can lift my spirits for hours. ~ Age 50

I learned that even when you think you have no more to give, if a friend cries out to you…you will find strength to help. ~ Age 51

I learned that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. ~ Age 52

I learned no matter how good a friend is, they are going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. ~ Age 53

I learned that keeping a vegetable garden is worth a medicine cabinet full of pills. ~ Age 54

I learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die. ~ Age 55

I learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score. ~ Age 56

I learned that it is futile to try and resist chocolate. ~ Age 57

I learned a birth certificate shows that we were born, a death certificate shows that we died, and photographs show that we lived. ~ Age 58

I learned that I shouldn’t audit life, just show up and make the most of it. ~ Age 59

I learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life. ~ Age 60

I learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them…and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated. ~ Age 61

I learned to believe in miracles. ~ Age 62

I learned that one should burn the candles, use the nice sheets, use the nice dishes, don’t save them for a special occasion, today is special. ~ Age 63

I learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. ~ Age 64

I learned it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be. ~ Age 65

I learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands.  You need to be able to throw something back. ~ Age 66

I learned that if you pursue happiness it will elude you, but if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you. ~ Age 67

I learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision. ~ Age 68

I learned my best friend and I can do anything, or nothing, and have the best time. ~ Age 69

I learned that anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful you should get rid of. ~ Age 70

I learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are but we are responsible for who we become. ~ Age 71

I learned that what other people think of you is none of your business. ~ Age 72

I learned that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others, sometimes you have to forgive yourself. ~ Age 73

I learned that everyone can use and benefit from a prayer. ~ Age 74

I learned the happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything. ~ Age 75

I learned that one should make peace with the past so it won’t screw up the present. ~ Age 76

I learned that the most important sex organ is the brain. ~ Age 77

I learned that life is not tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift. ~ Age 78

I learned that envy is a waste of time.  You already have all you need. ~ Age 79

I learned that God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do. ~ Age 80

I learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. ~ Age 81

I learned all that truly matters in the end is that you loved. ~ Age 82

I learned that I should and can forgive everyone everything. ~ Age 83

I learned that growing old beats the alternative. ~ Age 84

I learned that whatever doesn’t kill you, really does make you stronger. ~ Age 85

I learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone.  People love that human touch, holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. ~ Age 86

I learned that the best is yet to come. ~ Age 87

I learned that I still have a lot to learn. ~ Age 88

Finally, I learned that I should tell this to someone I truly care about.  Sometimes they just need a smile… 

Learned and Written by Many…

 

 

GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER

 1. Sag, you're it.

 2. Hide and go pee.

 3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.

 4. Kick the bucket

 5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.

 6. Musical recliners.

 7. Simon says - something incoherent.

 8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy

 SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE :

 1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.

 2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.

 3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.

OLD IS WHEN:

 1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

 2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

 3. Getting a little action means you don't need fiber today.

 4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

 5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!

 

Thoughts for the weekend:

 Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctr- Alt- Delete' and start all over?

 If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called 'labor!'

 Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

 

Ponderisms

 I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird, now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?'

Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.'

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he's going to look up there anyway?

But Most Of All, Remember!

A Good Friend Is Like A Good Bra: Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart!

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway! 

  

Perfect Wheels

 

Summary of Life 

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats..
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground... ..
5) Laughing is good exercise.. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional..
2) Forget the health food.. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

 

 

 

 The End