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Ian Kelly

Profile Updated: June 28, 2021
Ian Kelly
Current Occupation (if any) & Previous Occupations:
Computer Systems Consultant - now retired, but busier than ever.
Your Website Homepage address:
Name of Spouse/Partner:
Children's names and the year they were born:
Benjamin - born 1974, and probably the LOUDEST voice in the world.
Miranda - born 1980, and certainly More…the prettiest girl in the world.
...and two grandsons, Sonny, born 2016, and Fionn, born in 2018. They are both wonderful.
Yes! Attending Reunion
School Years: Which years did your time at Sloane cover?


House: Which House were you in at Sloane?


School Memories?

Mr. Wells was an inspired maths teacher, as was that complete gentleman "Tom" Wilson; Mr. Harris taught French - and was an FRCO, and played the piano for assembly nearly every morning. Guy Boas called his wife "Pussy" (I think) - and I *would* have played Brutus in his last Shakespeare production (Julius Caesar) ... but it was cancelled (mumble, complain). We had (heaven help us!) a complete, printed copy of the Greater Oxford Dictionary in the library - and I loved it! Mr. Stockwell (alas he is now the Late Mr. Stockwell) was a wonderful Physics teacher (and his son was at the school too), and he had sight in only one eye.

What has happened in your life since you left Sloane?

I am still in touch with A. C. Spooner (Tony), who is a year younger than me, and Ian Dale ("Jim") (who was my Best Man - and I was his: alas, he is with us no more), as well as David Brooks ("Gumbrush"). After A-levels I went to University College, London, to get a B.Sc. (Special) in Mathematics. I then went in to the computing industry, ending up as a computer systems consultant - and (boring, boring!) an expert in very large databases. And I mean *very* large.

I'm now supposed to be retired - but (you've guessed it!) I'm working on implementing the world's largest database - and writing another book. Well, with the passing of time I have now finished with the database - but I'm still writing books.

Where were you born?

I was born in Dublin. Why this very English Englishman was born "there" but lives "here" is a long and involved story, involving great sorrow (for my lovely parents), and making a restart in life (for my poor, poor father). Ask me, and I shall tell you the story.

Where did you live when you were at Sloane?

When I started at Sloane I lived in Kensington - just north of the High Street. But then I moved to Hampstead - Belsize Park, to be precise - and it took a long time by Northen Line/District Line or 31 bus to get there.

The road traffic was different then. I lived north of Kensington High Street, but the Sunday School and Church I attended were south of that main road. But on a Sunday morning I would set out - alone - to walk there. There were so few cars on the roads that crossing them was safe, even for a small boy.

Which Primary school did you attend?

Malborough, Chelsea.

What is your full address?:

Bellows, 11A Burrow Hill Green
Surrey GU24 8QP

Email: idkk@idkk.com

Home Phone Number:

01276 857 599

Mobile Phone Number:

07957 101 430

When and where were you married?

I was married in Caxton Hall on 30th March 1969, to the lady to whom I am still married. The best thing I ever did in my life. (*big grin*). She's the lady in my profile picture, if you want to see what she looks like.

...and now, after nearly fifty years of marriage, we are grandparents - whoopee!!!

... update: after *over* 50 years of marriage, we are grandparents for the second time - double whoopee!!


I love music: I play the piano and the church organ (every week!), and conduct choirs. I have also written (and published) a number of books - a children's novel, a set of short stories drawn from the religions of the world, two pantomime scripts and two much more serious books on Computational Linguistics (Machine Translation - getting computers to translate between human languages). I've written two books containing my music - both published - and let me tell you Proofreading is hell! I am currently writing yet another book on the subject of Interstellar Travel - and that's a harder one to write. Worse than that, I am writing a paper on mathematical physics, to do with the structure of light (boring, boring!).

I intend, in my retirement, to learn to speak Classical Greek and Farsi (Persian). And, yes, I have a use for both of these languages - though whether I will get the real time to learn them, I don't yet know. Why were we not warned that you are busier in retirement than in employment?

Teams: Do you support any sports teams?

Sport? What's that????

TV/Films/Radio: What are your favourite films and programmes. Who are your favourite actors/actresses?

Gosh - I don't know! I think Meryl Streep is fantastic. I like Titanic, and Breakfast at Tiffanys, and Shrek, and The Third Man, and Star Wars, and Les Parapluis de Cherbourg, and Bergman's The Silence. I would love to see more ballet - both classical and modern. And Pinter, Noel Coward, George Bernard Shaw ... hey, this list could be long!... all excite me.

Books: Fiction or non-fiction? Favourite books/authors?

The Theory of Celestial Influence, Rodney Collin. The C Programming Language, Kernighan & Ritchie. All of Terry Pratchett's works - especially the later ones. Philip Pullman's writing is marvelous, as is everything by George Perec. The Art of Computer Programming, Donald Knuth. And - most important of all - The Bible... preferably in the old translation (KJV - "Authorised Version").

I read many myths and fairy stories - they could be thought of as the Science Fiction of the past, even though they point to the deeper parts of the world as it is, and how it can become.

Humour: Who or what makes you laugh?

Lenny Henry. All the idiots in Red Dwarf. The tales of Mullah Nasrudin (and that's one of the reasons I am learning Farsi - Persian - so I can read these tales in the original).

Newspapers or Magazines: Which titles do you read regularly?

None... The Sunday Times and the Observer and the TLS ... but nothing regularly.

What are your pet hates?

I hate intolerance. I hate bureaucracy. I hate power-grabbing wastrels (i.e. nearly all politicians). I hate greed.

If I were not such a nice fellow (ahem!) I would quote some public names of people upon whom I would willingly pour vituperation... but for politeness sake I shall restrain myself... for now.

Music: What music would you like played at your funeral? This should give everyone an idea of your musical taste and music/songs that mean a lot to you.

The final unfinished fugue from Bach's "Art of Fugue". I want this because it peters out, rather than finishes properly - Bach died before he had dictated it all. It is like a conversation in a room you are leaving, and can no longer hear because the door closes behind you - but the conversation still goes on, out of your hearing. Bach knew what the real end of that fugue would be - though we do not. In heaven I shall hear it completed. It is, for me, symbolic of death being not an ending, but a passing from one state to another.

Is there a poem or other piece of writing you'd particularly like read at your funeral?

This is the key of the kingdom
Of the kingdom this is the key.

In the kingdom there is a city
In the city there is a town
In the town there is a street
From the street there leads a lane
By the lane there is a yard
In the yard there is a house
In the house there is a room
In that room there is a bed

And on the bed lies a basket -
A basket of sweet flowers.

Flowers in the basket,
Basket on the bed,
Bed in the room,
Room in the empty house,
House in the draughty yard,
Yard by the winding lane,
Lane to the long road,
Road in the high town,
Town in the great city.

City in the kingdom.

This is the key of the kingdom,
Of the kingdom this is the key.

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Dec 11, 2021 at 5:06 AM

Posted on: Jun 28, 2021 at 10:42 AM

The trouble with your cartoons, Stefan, is that they are both funny and *accurate*!
Keep 'm coming!

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Nov 21, 2020 at 4:45 PM

Posted on: Nov 17, 2020 at 11:59 AM

Those of you not looking at the cartoons are missing a real treat! Thank you, Stephan - they give me a real chortle every time I see them :)

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Apr 22, 2020 at 12:53 PM

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