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Gary Grice
Yes, Yes .... Happy Valentine's Day! Not being one to miss and opportunity to pass along some of my fountain of knowledge .... here is some sage advice on Valentine gift giving for all you guys.
What NOT to give her for Valentines Day
1. A box of chocolates, clumsily rearranged in an attempt to hide the fact you ate all the caramel ones.
2. Lingerie that you think will look almost as good on her as on the Victoria's Secret model.
3. Any clothing item with the words "push-up" or "slim-down" on the label.
4. Any food item with the words "diet", "light", or "high fiber" on the label.
5. Any video starring Sylvester Stallone, Jim Carrey, or Jenna Jameson.
6. Flowers from a hospital's gift shop--or worse, a mortuary's.valentinecats.jpg
7. Poetry, no matter how heartfelt, that starts out "There was once a girl from Nantucket..."
8. Anything you ever gave another woman, including your mother.
9. Any household appliance, power tool or other item from the harder side of Sears.
10. A gift certificate.
11. Cash.
12. Anything you could have bought at the gas station mini-mart on the way over, even if you didn't.
13. An apologetic look and the words "That was today?"
Taking this advice I struggled with what to give Sherron and wish I had come across this suggestion sooner since the gift was something she really LOVES .... and I can't stand. I hope you all have a BLESSED Week. Later.
My Valentine Gift
A poem by Steve Cloutier
I know you like my poems,
Their readings give you chills.
You're fond of shiny coinage,
I know you like crisp bills.
You like romantic movies,
Some actors make you pant.
If he wasn't dead already,
I would kill that Cary Grant.
Fresh flowers make you happy,
Imploring them to stay...
But in the end dejected,
When they finally slip away.
I know you like good candy,
But it often makes us bigger.
No, I say, sweet cocoa bean,
Don't spoil that hourglass figure!
Jewelry would be lovely,
It's currency that I lack.
The only ring that I can swing,
Comes with Cracker Jack .
The fragrance of twelve roses,
Would surely be more sweet.
My gift tastes like heaven,
But smells like dirty feet.
(ed: the secret is out now -the gift was bleu cheese!)
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