Sloane Grammar School boy, if you seek your memorial,

 look around you but you'll need to register first.

Register and link up with old school friends again and become part of Sloane Reunited.

If you were a pupil or member of staff at Sloane you qualify to register for the website. Click on Missing Classmates at the top of this page to see if we've been expecting you. If you see your name, click on it and follow instructions. If your name's not there click on BECOME A MEMBER to learn more and then click the ADD NAME button to start the ball rolling or click Contact Us at the top of the page, read what you see then complete the box at the bottom of that page to ask me to add your name to the list.

It's Free, it's Easy, it's Secure

and

You're Never Alone As A Sloane

TO ALL MEMBERS, DON'T FORGET!! -

PLEASE CHECK THE ANNOUNCEMENTS BOARD AT THE FOOT  OF THIS PAGE FOR ANYTHING IMPORTANT and, after you Log In, the CALENDAR OF EVENTS PAGE FOR DETAILS OF FORTHCOMING EVENTS. 

If you're having trouble logging in because you've forgotten your Password, click on Forgot Password? inside the Classmate Login box that appears after you click   Sign In   and you'll be Emailed a link to reset it.
 

You'll find other helpful tips under REMINDERS below.
 

  The Sloane

Hello and Welcome to

Mark Foulsham's

Sloane Grammar School website

If I built it I knew you would come

A School that invited loyalty

 
Gone But Not Forgotten

'Men are we, and must grieve when even the shade

Of that which once was great is pass'd away.'

William Wordsworth

On the Extinction of the Venetian Republic

You may think you're done with the past but the past isn't done with you!
 

"The merits of a school are judged as much by the men it produces as by their achievements as boys" - 

(Old Cheynean D.J. Cowie, March 1929)

 

If you're a member, click on an image (     ) at the top for more. 

Here's what you'll find -

   = Messages waiting in the Message Centre - 
              The red bubble shows how many.

   = Website activity - 
              Check for things you may have missed.
 

   = Member functions -
                Edit Profile, Edit Contact Info (to keep your Email Address/es, Home Address, and Phone number/s up to date. Add your Birthday here too if you didn't when you joined), Change Password, Log Out, Message Centre (to read and send messages to other members), Notify Me (for indicating your website Notification and  Profile Subscription choices).

     
         AND FINALLY, IF AT ALL POSSIBLE, -
 

Please let a close relative know of your participation in the Sloane website and show them how to use the Contact Us page to notify me in the sad event of your death. Not only will this allow me to notify other members, it will also put a stop to any website generated emails finding their way to your Inbox. Thank you.

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Come on in! 
Don't be late! 
This is one detention 
You'll be pleased to take.
               

    A WARM WELCOME 

to fellow Cheyneans and passers-by, from the Official Sloane Grammar School 1919-1970 Old Cheyneans and Friends web site.

I, Mark Foulsham, at Sloane 1963-70, created this site in August 2008 to record for posterity all that I can, and for all those who attended Sloane or simply have a Sloane connection, to share and enjoy. Feel free just to browse or, if you feel you qualify to join us, make full use of the site by becoming a Registered Classmate. It's Free! 

To start the registration process -

Click Here to Register 
 

If it doesn't work for you it's because I'm no longer around and new memberships aren't available. While I'm still alive, I'll also be happy to send a personal invitation to anyone else with a Sloane School Chelsea connection who you think might like to join us. Just enter their Email address in the MISSING CLASSMATES box to your right and click Send Invite.  

We may not understand why but memories of our days at Sloane remain with us while others do not. Whether they're good or they're bad, I'd like to give all old boys the opportunity to keep those memories alive.

 Aspirations and Objectives

Sloane never had a motto and although our school badge is based on the lion rampant and boar's head of the Cadogan family crest their motto, Qui Invidet Minor Est or He That Envies Is Inferior, is not really appropriate so I'll adopt the one to be found on the Coat of Arms of the Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea as it suits us nicely -

Quam Bonum In Unum Habitare

 (What A Good Thing It Is To Dwell Together In Unity) 

It is hoped, in some small way, to be able to have similar objectives to those stated for the first issue of The Cheynean in December 1926  -

"To record faithfully the major activities of the School, to promote and foster a corporate spirit in the School, to excite a greater keenness both in the games and in other phases of its social life, and to serve as a link between present members of the School and the Old Cheyneans".  -

and also to bring together, once again, old friends and classmates, and those of us who have outlived the school and share a common interest in its history and its future.

Sadly, I've no memory of having ever sung or even heard a school song but apparently one was written by music Master Mr Seymour Dicker (who retired in 1930) in 1928. Called Carmen Sloanense, it was first sung in July of that year by pupil J E Bush who played the Pirate King in Sloane productions of The Pirates of Penzance. What became of it after that first performance is a mystery but it contained the lines -

"Salve, the School and its scholars so keen,

 Long may they keep its memory green."

 If you've any memories of Sloane you'd like to share, use the Contact Us page to send them in and, whilst you're there, register for the site as well. 

Once you've registered, you can activate the Instant Messaging feature that allows you to hold a 'real-time' online conversation with anyone else who has logged on to the website. You can also send a message to someone else on the site via the Message Centre or by using their Profile. Click on their name on the Classmate Profiles page then click on the red 'Send ? a private message' at the top of their Profile.

After you've registered, why not take a look at all the Classmate Profiles ? Even if you don't know the person involved, the information they've put on their Profile can be interesting, illuminating and fun, and often brings back memories of something you thought you'd forgotten about.

If, at any time after becoming a member, you're unsure about anything click on this Using This Site link for an explanation or contact me direct via the Contact Us page.
              

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 Why Not Take a Look at Where your Classmates are Living?

Find out the Postcode of a Classmate from their Profile (if they've agreed to let everyone know it) then Click on the link below, enter the details where it says 'Address', then Click on 'Go'. Not every country is covered yet and those that are have limited coverage, but it's worth a try.

Here's the link. Have fun - http://www.vpike.com/

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The Sloane News

BREAKING NEWS!

Just In Time For Christmas!!

Huge selection of dishwashers, sandwich makers, bedwarmers!! Hurry, while stocks last -

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Christmas in Israel

A Christmas Carol by G K Chesterton

The Christ-child lay on Mary's lap,

His hair was like a light.

(O weary, weary were the world,

But here is all aright.)

The Christ-child lay on Mary's breast,

His hair was like a star.

(O stern and cunning are the kings,

But here the true hearts are.)

The Christ-child lay on Mary's heart,

His hair was like a fire.

(O weary, weary is the world,

But her the world's desire.)

The Christ-child stood at Mary's knee,

His hair was like a crown,

And all the flowers looked up at him,

And all the stars looked down.

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Looks like Christmas in Israel and the Middle East might be a peaceful one but whether peace will last is debateable. With the continued troubles between Israel and its neighbours, it might be difficult to accept that warring can continue in such a deeply religious country but the truth is, Christmas celebrations in Israel are few compared to other places in the world. Only 2.5% of Israel's population are Christians and the country was set up around Judaism and not Christianity. Christmas is therefore not one of the country's holidays  even though the Christmas story took place, according to tradition, in the Holy Land, in the territories of the State of Israel. 

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An Atheist's Holiday

An atheist became incensed over Christmas holiday preparations. He filed a lawsuit about the constant celebrations given to Christians and Jews while atheists had no holiday to celebrate. The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the long, passionate presentation by the atheist's lawyer, the judge banged his gavel and declared,

"Case dismissed!"

The lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling.

"Your honour, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter, and many other observances. Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur, and Hanukkah. Yet, my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!"

The judge leaned forward in his chair and simply said,

"Obviously, your client is too confused to know about, much less celebrate, his own atheist holiday!"

The lawyer pompously said,

"Your honour, we are unaware of any such holiday for atheists. Just when might that holiday be?"

The judge replied,

"Well, it comes every year on exactly the same date. Psalm 14:1 states,

'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, if your client says there is no God then, according to the Bible, he is a fool. April Fool's Day is his holiday. Now, get out of my courtroom!"-

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Police in Liverpool pulled over a local lad and were amazed to find the car was taxed, M.O.T. tested and insured, and the driver was sober with a full, clean licence. No drugs or stolen goods were found onboard. A police spokesperson said,

"We had no option but to fine him £80 for wasting police time."

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Joe Biden has broken his silence since his Democratic party lost the US election and has revealed that he was as surprised as anyone when he found out that he had lost the presidential race. He was also unaware that he'd withdrawn.

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Justin Welby could find himself a new home inside the Catholic Church after Vatican officials were said to be impressed by his ability to protect child abusers inside the Church of England.

With calls for Welby to resign showing no signs of abating, senior Catholic officials have insisted it would be a loss to organised religion to see such an effective operator have to leave his chasuble behind for good.

A Vatican Spokesperson told us,

“Justin has many years of experience, not only of all the God stuff, but also of the sort of things we really value here in the Catholic Church.

Even now, as the media coverage reaches fever pitch, he’s still refusing to throw anyone under the bus, even though 100 children were abused. That’s the sort of teammate you dream of, and we will not rest until we’ve secured his signature.

I don’t know if you’ve been around the Vatican recently, but we’re in a position to offer a very lucrative package for the right person to complete our team".

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WARNING - If you receive an Email or text with a link saying "Free porn" please don't opin it. It is a virus which deactivates your spelcheck and fcuks up your riting. I receibed it but lukily I don't watch porn so I dint opin it. Please warm yu frends. Fanks.
 

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JOKES OF THE WEEK

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Bill woke up with a killer hangover after attending his firm’s Christmas Party.

He didn’t even remember how he got home. Confused he tried to gather his thoughts, “It’s 8.30. What day is it? Thursday. The wife must have gone to work.”

As he struggled into consciousness through the fog of a pounding headache, his heart sank as he wondered what the hell he did last night. He forced himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw was a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a little vase of sweet peas, freshly picked from the garden.

He sat up. The bedroom was clean and tidy; there was no trail of drunkenly abandoned clothes, fresh air was coming in through the window and all was serene. He stumbled to the bathroom, which was also pristine, and, squinting gingerly into the mirror, saw that he had a black eye.

This was not a good sign, but no memories were returning.

As he concentrated hard on getting the world into focus, he saw a post-it note stuck on the corner of the mirror. It was written in red, with little hearts on it and a kiss from his wife. “I’ll ring your office and tell them you won’t be in today. Breakfast is in the oven. Try to eat something and go back to bed for the morning. There’s sport on TV this afternoon. Take it easy today, hope your eye doesn’t hurt too much. See you tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Alison.”

Bill stumbled to the kitchen and sure enough, there was hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the newspaper. His teenage son was sitting at the table, eating. Bill, bracing himself for the worst, asked his son what happened the previous night.

His son said,

“Well, you came home after 3 in the morning, drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you threw up in the hallway. You got that black eye when you ran into the door.”

Bill was confused as he asked his son,

“So, why is everything in such perfect order, aspirins by the bed, a nice note from Mom and breakfast waiting for me?”

His son replied, “Oh, that! Well you see, Mum dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your trousers off, you screamed,

‘Leave me alone, I’m married!!'”

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THOUGHTS OF THE WEEK

Scientists say, the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. What about the morons?
 

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"Football, beer, and above all, gambling filled up the horizon of their minds. To keep them under control was not difficult." - George Orwell, 1984.

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Did you know that Yul Brynner was a Liverpool fan and also never wore after shave in his life. That's right, Yul never wore cologne.

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Sister Teresa was known for her high intelligence. She was also known as nun the wiser.

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Cockwomble - Is a real word meaning an obnoxious, foolish, incompetent, irritating person who is prone to making outrageously stupid statements and/or inappropriate behaviour. They generally have a very high opinion of their own wisdom and importance. Remind you of anyone........

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Don't go on diets. The more you weigh the harder you are to kidnap.

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The Story of The NEVERWELLS (WHO ARE NEVER OUT OF TROUBLE)

Many years ago I picked up a small book at a car boot sale and now, with over three years in the world of Covid behind us, I thought it might be a good time to share its contents with you. 

The book in question, published in 1948 (the year the NHS came into being), is titled The Story of The Neverwells (Who Are Never Out Of Trouble) and was written by William Edwards, a doctor, under the pseudonym Dr. Goodenough.

The Neverwells included mum and dad, their small boy Billy, growing-up Mary and baby Roy, and came into being after the Editor of The People newspaper met two people on a train. One of them was a doctor friend of the Editor's, 'a kindly soul yet a man of the world who has one of the biggest practices in the South of England.' He said: 

"I am rushed off my feet these days. And in most cases I need not have been called in at all, if only people had a simple knowledge about ordinary illnesses."

Later, the Editor found himself talking to a woman passenger with two children -

"They're not too strong," she said, "always under the doctor with one thing or another. It's never serious you know, but the trouble is you can never be sure and so you must call the doctor."

The same night as he had spoken to the two people on the train, the Editor of The People telephoned his doctor friend and asked him if he would become Dr. Goodenough and write for him every week the story of a family - the Neverwell family - about their complaints and how he treated them, and in simple language so that ordinary people could at last learn the elementary things about illness.

For over a year before the book was published, Dr. Goodenough entertained and instructed People readers every week with the story of the never-ending complaints of the Neverwells. There were words of wisdom and understanding in these little features as well. So much so that, increasingly, the People was inundated with letters from readers asking for a book to be written. Hence, the book I picked up some 30 years after it was first published I now bring to you each time I update this Home Page of the website. I hope you find some enjoyment in its pages and can see the comparisons it enables us to make between the way medicine was practiced back then and how much it has advanced in such a relatively short space of time whilst the personal touch has moved in the opposite direction.

The following piece from the book concerns Mr Neverwell and that old favourite excuse for a day off work after the NHS was born, Lumbago -

Lumbago

"Can you sit up?" asked Dr. Goodenough.

Mr. Neverwell tried hard, grunting, but the effort only brought on an attack of cramp, and he sank back with a groan.

"You ought to have reported it at work," said Mrs. Neverwell. "For all you know, you've broken your back, and you'll get no compensation, and we'll all be in the workhouse!"

"I believe I have broken it," said Mr. Neverwell, whose pain was now excruciating.

"How did you do it?" asked the doctor.

"I was picking up a heavy pile of books, and my foot slipped on the polished floor. . .  ."

"Then they're responsible; they shouldn't have it slippery like that," said Mrs. Neverwell, with visions of penury dancing in front of her eyes.

"Perhaps he hasn't broken it," suggested the doctor. "let's roll you over and find out."

After some struggles, they rolled Mr. Neverwell over on his face, and the doctor prodded him with his finger to find the tender place.

This was finally located, quite low down, just where the big back muscles are attached to the pelvic bones. A prod there wa sheer agony. Dr. Goodenough grunted with satisfaction. From his bag he extracted a big syringe, with a long, thin needle.He filled the syringe with a local anaesthetic, and jabbed the needle right into the sore place. For a few seconds, Mr. Neverwell thought his last hour had come, but then, magically, the pain all disappeared. The needle came out.

"Now roll over on to your back," said the doctor," and Mr. Neverwell rolled.

"Now try to sit up."

Mr. Neverwell sat up.

"All right, you can get out of bed," said the doctor, and, to his wife's wonderment, Mr. Neverwell walked round the room and made a face at her.

"Whatever was it, doctor?" he asked.

"You wrenched a few muscle fibres off the bone. There was a little bleeding, and the blood clotted and then stiffened during the night. Whe you woke and tried to move you pulled on the stiff place, the muscle objected, and went into a cramp. I've put it to sleep for you, and for the time being it can't hurt. Before that wears off, you want to do plenty of bending and stretching to get it supple again and make that bit of clot absorb. Then, you'll probably get no more trouble. If you sit down all day and rest it, it will just stiffen up again. I think the best thing would be to go and dig the garden all day, and then you'll be fit to go back to work to-morrow."

"I'll do that," said Mr. Neverwell. "But can you always cure lumbago as easily as that? I knew a man who had it for months!"

"Not always. Lumbago, you see, only means a pain in your back muscles, and there may be several different causes for that. There may be a chronic state of rheumatism in the muscles, which will need a course of massage and electrical treatment; there may be something wrong with the spine, which needs, perhaps, an operation or a plaster jacket - or, of course, the pain may not be in the muscles at all - it might be a kidney pain, or a pain from indigestion. After all, it's the doctor's job to find out - you can't tell yourself. But these cases coming on after a sudden strain ar usually easily put right, like yours. Go and dig that potato patch!"

The trouble was that Mr. Neverwell dug so vigorously that, about teatime, he dug the fork right through his foot! Could the result possibly be something that sounds as if it's something to do with another part of the body. Find out about Lockjaw next time.

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The Home We Called Sloane
 

The Sloane building seen from Hortensia Road in 1908  

The Sloane building was 100 years old in 2008, although it didn't actually start life as a boys' school until after the First World War, during which it served as a hospital. It still stands and many memories are, no doubt, ingrained in its walls along with the odd name and ribald comment. Who knows what the future holds, despite its Grade II listing on May 7th, 2002. Grade II listed buildings can be altered, extended, or even demolished, but only with Local Authority consent, so it may be that the building is considered historically or architecturally interesting enough for it's fabric to remain untouched. Some consideration may have been given to it having been the first purpose-built secondary school in London, and it is certainly one of only 3% of all ages of listed buildings that was built in the 20th century. Schools generally are seen as a good investment by developers because they're easy to convert. They are likely to be structurally sound because the authorities will have inspected them regularly to ensure they comply with Health and Safety requirements. 

To learn more about what has happened to the building we left behind visit the Sloane Today page once you've become a registered member.

Sadly, Sloane Grammar School for Boys only lasted 51 years, from 1919-1970. Sloane old boy John Binfield, in one of his poems, writes -

... the school, with
All its past, was sucked into a huge
Turbulent sea of glass in Pimlico
And sank without trace. "full fathom five..

Sea nymphs hourly ring his knell.
Hark, now I hear them. Ding-dong bell".

The exterior of the building still survives in the form we all remember even if the interior doesn't. It would have been wonderful to have been able to celebrate, in 2019, what would have been its centenary as a boys' school, had it remained in existence as such. Unfortunately, for us, it wasn't to be, and the Covid-19 pandemic that gripped the world in 2020 and beyond didn't allow for a late celebration either. Maybe one day...... 
 

Sloane seen from the rear in 2014

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This Website And The British Library's Web Archive

Please Note: - The school building still remains but not as a school. I've tried to preserve as much of its history and old boys' memories of it as I can, on this website. You might like to know that once I'm no longer around and have shuffled off to that classroom in the sky, this website will remain intact. Once my monthly payments to the Class Creator programmers cease the site will continue but to compensate them for their loss it will display adverts. If you're still around, you'll still be able to Log In to the site and carry on much as you did when I was alive. Naturally, the site will look exactly as it did (apart from the adverts) on the day I died. What will not be possible are any new members, unlikely as that is, as I won't be here to verify they are who they say they are.

In addition, in 2013 , just before the Legal Deposit regulations came into force, I asked to register the website with the British Library's UK Web Archive as one of historical interest and they agreed. So, when none of us are unable to Log In anymore or the Class Creator business ceases to operate, it will still be available for access by our children and grandchildren etc., as well as future historians, at this address -
 

Web Archiving
The British Library
96 Euston Road
London NW1 2DB
United Kingdom
Tel: +44 (0)20 7412 7184
E-mail: web-archivist@bl.uk

Since 2013, publishers need to give a copy of every UK publication they make to the British Library. Five other major UK libraries may also ask to be given a copy. This system is called legal deposit and it's been a part of English law since 1662.

Print publications for legal deposit can be books, journals, sheet music, maps, plans, charts or tables. Now legal deposit also covers material published digitally such as websites, blogs, e-journals and CD-ROMs.

Legal deposit has many benefits for publishers and authors. The deposited publications can be read inside the British Library and will be preserved for future generations. Their works become part of the nation’s heritage, providing inspiration for new books and other publications.

Unfortunately, in the case of websites, the British Library say that much of the information contained in them cannot be archived for technical reasons. In addition, as almost all this website's pages are Password Protected, it will be impossible for them to be accessed unless I remove that restriction. At some point I will give the British Library's 'web crawler' access to our Password Protected pages to allow it to take a 'snapshot' of the site on a daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly or 6-monthly basis. At the time of writing this, 2020, their system doesn't have the capability to crawl and archive private content that sits behind a Log In procedure. They will never be allowed access to members' Profiles and the personal information they contain.

The current generation of web crawlers cannot capture:

• Interactive, dynamically generated content
• Content that is only available via a search engine on the website, or some other form submission method
• Some types of JavaScript-driven menus
• YouTube videos, Flash movies and similar streaming audio or video (some audio and video files can be captured, e.g. those embedded via the standard HTML5 <video> or <audio> tags).

Unlike static HTML, which is relatively easy to capture, script code is very hard for traditional web crawlers to analyse, which is why the Library runs web browsers for a limited part of their crawls. Even that cannot capture very interactive web sites, like single-page web applications, or any site feature that needs a remote server to function. In practical terms this means that entering queries into the search box of an archived version of a website will not work. Standard links on the website, however, will work as normal.

Some JavaScript driven menus do not function well once archived. YouTube videos, Flash movies, and similar streaming audio or video are also beyond the capability of web crawlers. However, as members of the International Internet Preservation Consortium, contributors to the UK Web Archive are developing tools which will help capture this content in the future.

Attempts are made to gather all of the objects associated with a website including html, images, PDF documents, audio and video files and other objects such as programming scripts. However, the crawler software cannot automatically gather any material that is protected behind a password, without the owner's collaboration. Web site owners may however choose to divulge confidentially a user ID and password to allow archiving of these areas. So, as I said, I'll collaborate with the British Library to allow them to gather only non-invasive non-personal information behind the password protection if and when their archiving system becomes capable of it .

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Whatever our own personal reasons for it doing so, the school will still haunt most of us even if it disappears altogether. With that tenuous link, here's a poem that I came across in a copy of The Cheynean -

The Ghost of Sloane

 
When London's asleep and the School very quiet,
No sound of footsteps, no sound of a riot,
No sound of even the shuffle of feet,
No sound of the creak of a pupil's seat,
Out of the darkness the ghost of Sloane
Awakes from rest with a sigh and a groan.
Then up he arises to haunt the School
Climbing the stairs in the guise of a ghoul.
He shuffles and clanks down each corridor
Into the classrooms where stand desks galore.
He examines each desk and checks the boys' work,
Allots ghostly marks in the dark and the murk.

If you ever lose books from out of your desk,
And the teacher upbraids you and calls you a pest,
Just tell him my story, however tall,
Of the white shrouded phantom that haunts the School Hall.

                                                    J. Hollingshead (3C)

As for us, the boys who used to attend our Chelsea school, we probably considered ourselves 'Chelsea men' but I doubt that many of us fitted the description in this poem, written when he was in the 5th year by one time Sloane Schoolboy, A R Doubledee. I get the impression he didn't particularly approve of the 'Beatniks' of the late 50s and early 60s that he found himself sharing Chelsea with or, as he called them the 'Weirdies' -                                                                        

 
The Weirdies

The Chelsea man is excessively queer,
He only drinks coffee and doesn't like beer.
He's always "chatting" the girls, and yet
This seems to make him "one of the set".

His unkempt chin and uncut hair
Go with his feet which are usually bare.
If he wears shoes, they've never got soles,
And he's usually found in Bohemian holes.

His outsize sweater is generally black
Contrasting well with his shorty mac.
He wears his clothing merely to show
That he can keep up with the boys of Soho.

To find a girl he doesn't look far,
But into the nearest coffee bar,
Where he's sure to meet a Bohemian "yob".
They're all from Chelsea - what a mob!

The girls with hair right down their backs
Wear irregular clothes that look like sacks.
They walk about wearing father's sweater:
I really don't see why he should let 'er.

Their gaudy clothes of reds and greens
Match up with the style of their men-friends' jeans.
Now that's how it goes with the latest style:
Girls on their faces make-up pile,
The men wear anything they can find -
I shouldn't stare, I should just act blind!

A.R. Doubledee (5b)

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