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         Sloane Grammar School boy, if you seek your memorial,

look around you but you'll need to register first.

 


 

Register and link up with old school friends again and become part of Sloane Reunited.

If you were a pupil or member of staff at Sloane you qualify to register for the website. Click on Missing Classmates at the top of this page to see if we've been expecting you. If you see your name, click on it and follow instructions. If your name's not there click on BECOME A MEMBER to learn more and then click the ADD NAME button to start the ball rolling or click Contact Us at the top of the page, read what you see then complete the box at the bottom of that page to ask me to add your name to the list.

 

It's Free, it's Easy, it's Secure

and

You're Never Alone As A Sloane

 





TO ALL MEMBERS, DON'T FORGET!! -

PLEASE CHECK THE ANNOUNCEMENTS BOARD AT THE FOOT  OF THIS PAGE FOR ANYTHING IMPORTANT and, after you Log In, the CALENDAR OF EVENTS PAGE FOR DETAILS OF FORTHCOMING EVENTS. 

If you're having trouble logging in because you've forgotten your Password, click on Forgot Password? inside the Classmate Login box that appears after you click   Sign In   and you'll be Emailed a link to reset it.
 

 

You'll find other helpful tips under REMINDERS below.
 

  The Sloane

 

                                                                                                                                                                                     


Hello and Welcome to

Mark Foulsham's

Sloane Grammar School website


 

If I built it I knew you would come

  

 

 

A School that invited loyalty

 (Quote by Don Wheal)

 
Gone But Not Forgotten

'Men are we, and must grieve when even the shade

Of that which once was great is pass'd away.'


William Wordsworth

On the Extinction of the Venetian Republic

 


You may think you're done with the past but the past isn't done with you!
 


 

"The merits of a school are judged as much by the men it produces as by their achievements as boys" - 

(Old Cheynean D.J. Cowie, March 1929)

 


 

 

 

 

                                                                                                                    

If you're a member, click on an image (     ) at the top for more. 

Here's what you'll find -

 

  = Messages waiting for you in the Message Centre. The red bubble shows how                       many.

  = Website activity. Check for things you may have missed.

  = Member functions - Edit Profile, Edit Contact Info, Change Password,                               Log Out, access the Message Centre, and Notify Me (for indicating your website                  Notification and  Profile Subscription choices).


      AND -

  If you're already a member please remember to keep your Email address up to date using Edit Contact Info, to be found by clicking on  the  image at the top of the page. 


 Please don't forget to use the Notify Me page under the  image to make selections that will help you keep in touch as well as help you enjoy all the website has to offer.


      Please remember to Log Out when you leave the site by using the Log Out button to be found under the  image at the top of the page. 
 


         AND FINALLY, IF AT ALL POSSIBLE, -

Please let a close relative know of your participation in the Sloane website and show them how to use the Contact Us page to notify me in the sad event of your death. Not only will this allow me to notify other members, it will also put a stop to any website generated emails finding their way to your Inbox. Thank you.

 


 

Come on in! 
Don't be late! 
This is one detention 
You'll be pleased to take
.

               

    A WARM WELCOME 


to fellow Cheyneans and passers-by, from the Official Sloane Grammar School 1919-1970 Old Cheyneans and Friends web site.

Mark Foulsham, at Sloane 1963-70, created this site in August 2008 to record for posterity all that I can, and for all those who attended Sloane or simply have a Sloane connection, to share and enjoy. Feel free just to browse or, if you feel you qualify to join us, make full use of the site by becoming a Registered ClassmateClick on the Click Here to Register button above to start the registration process. It's Free! If it doesn't work for you it's because I'm no longer around and new memberships aren't available even though the website is. Sorry!

While I'm still alive, I'll also be happy to send a personal invitation to anyone else with a Sloane School Chelsea connection who you think might like to join us. Just enter their Email address in the MISSING CLASSMATES box to your right and click Send Invite.  

We may not understand why but memories of our days at Sloane remain with us while others do not. Whether they're good or they're bad, I'd like to give all old boys the opportunity to keep those memories alive.

 

  


 

 Aspirations and Objectives


Sloane never had a motto and although our school badge is based on the lion rampant and boar's head of the Cadogan family crest their motto, Qui Invidet Minor Est or He That Envies Is Inferior, is not really appropriate so I'll adopt the one to be found on the Coat of Arms of the Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea as it suits us nicely -


Quam Bonum In Unum Habitare

 (What A Good Thing It Is To Dwell Together In Unity) 


It is hoped, in some small way, to be able to have similar objectives to those stated for the first issue of The Cheynean in December 1926  -


"To record faithfully the major activities of the School, to promote and foster a corporate spirit in the School, to excite a greater keenness both in the games and in other phases of its social life, and to serve as a link between present members of the School and the Old Cheyneans".  -

and also to bring together, once again, old friends and classmates, and those of us who have outlived the school and share a common interest in its history and its future.

Sadly, I've no memory of having ever sung or even heard a school song but apparently one was written by music Master Mr Seymour Dicker (who retired in 1930) in 1928. Called Carmen Sloanense, it was first sung in July of that year by pupil J E Bush who played the Pirate King in Sloane productions of The Pirates of Penzance. What became of it after that first performance is a mystery but it contained the lines -

"Salve, the School and its scholars so keen,

 Long may they keep its memory green."

 If you've any memories of Sloane you'd like to share, use the Contact Us page to send them in and, whilst you're there, register for the site as well. 

Once you've registered, you can activate the Instant Messaging feature that allows you to hold a 'real-time' online conversation with anyone else who has logged on to the website. You can also send a message to someone else on the site via the Message Centre or by using their Profile. Click on their name on the Classmate Profiles page then
 click on the red 'Send ? a private message' at the top of their Profile.


After you've registered, why not take a look at all the Classmate Profiles ? Even if you don't know the person involved, the information they've put on their Profile can be interesting, illuminating and fun, and often brings back memories of something you thought you'd forgotten about.

If, at any time after becoming a member, you're unsure about anything click on this Using This Site link for an explanation or contact me direct via the Contact Us page.
              

 * * * * * * * *
 

 Why Not Take a Look at Where your Classmates are Living?


Find out the Postcode of a Classmate from their Profile (if they've agreed to let everyone know it) then Click on the link below, enter the details where it says 'Address', then Click on 'Go'. Not every country is covered yet and those that are have limited coverage, but it's worth a try.

Here's the link. Have fun - http://www.vpike.com/

 

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The Sloane News

 

 

BREAKING NEWS!


Prime Minister Still Not Dry!!


 

Rishi Sunak still hasn’t dried out properly after his ill-advised foray out of Number 10 and up to the rostrum.

“I’ve literally never seen anyone so get so wet before,” said an aide.

“When he came in, there was actually water coming out of his ears, out of his nose, out of his- well, anywhere that water could pour out of a man, he had water pouring out of it. It was crazy.”

Number 10 staff immediately got to work drying the PM out.

“We stood him in the middle of a room for an hour and surrounded him with industrial heaters. I mean, that helped a bit, but even after that, you could still see water dripping from his hair. I’ve never seen anyone so wet in my life.”

Despite the staff’s best efforts overnight, Mr Sunak is still wet.

“I’ve seen him this morning, and he’s making that squelching noise when he walks. He sat in the Cabinet room for 15 minutes, and he left a little puddle on the chair. I honestly don’t know how long it’s going take to properly dry him out at this rate. It’s could be as late as 4th July.”

The aide admitted that they should have checked the weather before sending Mr Sunak outside to make the election announcement.

“Well, yes, we were going to check the weather but, unfortunately, it’s on the BBC, and apparently they’re all communists, so we’re not allowed.”


*


US voters face daunting choice over which octogenarian they prefer to see declining into senility inside the White House

 

 

As the United States heads towards gerontocracy, the US electorate faces the harrowing decision of which octogenarian they would prefer to see decline into senility while living in the White House.

Voters are reportedly stocking up on anti-anxiety medication, not over the policies being debated, but over which candidate they prefer to observe gradually lose their faculties on the world’s most public stage.

Political analyst Chuck Williams has described the choice as “the ultimate dilemma.”

He went on,

“It’s like choosing between two different brands of expired milk. One might make you slightly sicker than the other, but really, you just wish there was a fresh option available.”

Should Joe Biden secure a second term, he would spend the latter half of his presidency showcasing the inevitable wear and tear of time, potentially turning State of the Union addresses into bingo nights where he mistakes senators for his grandchildren.

Meanwhile, a re-elected Donald Trump promises a return to the White House with more energy, albeit the kind that makes him scream for one of his ex-wives when he inevitably forgets why he walked into a room.

In a country that prides itself on innovation and youth culture, the 2024 election stands as a stark reminder that when it comes to leadership, America prefers its candidates well-seasoned, with ‘sell-by dates’ taken as seriously as gun control.

“It’s a historic moment,” said one voter, “We’re deciding who gets to control the nuclear codes while potentially wandering into the street in their pyjamas looking for the house they lived in during the 70s.”

As the campaign trail heats up, Americans are left to ponder the existential question: which aging titan will best forget their promises and potentially their own names, right before our very eyes?

It’s a decision that weighs heavily on the US electorate, prompting many to ask if it’s possible to just lock them both away in a care home and let them think they’re president.

Both camps have yet to comment on the concerns regarding the age of their candidates, presumably because they’ve already forgotten the question.

 

*
 

NHS DECLINE CONTINUES
 

I'm sure you, like me, continue to worry about the direction the MNHS is travelling in.

These are sentences actually typed by Medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow -

1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.


2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.


3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.


4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.


5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.


6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.


7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.


8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.


9. Discharge status:-    Alive, but without my permission.


10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.


11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.


12. She is numb from her toes down.


13. While in ER, she was examined,  x-rated and sent home.


14. The skin was moist and dry.


15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.


16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.


17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.


18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.


19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.


20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.


21 Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.


22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.


23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.


24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.


25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.


26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

.
27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.


28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.


29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.


30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.


31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.


32. The patient was to have a bowel resection.  However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.


33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

 

*



*
 

 

 

 

* * *
 

FRONT PAGE NEWS


Late News Just In!!
 

Hitler pays a late visit to the Channel and ponders on failure to invade Britain


Dinghies! Dinghies! If only we had thought of that!



* * *

 

HOME FRONT NEWS


You'll have to forgive me for ignoring you for quite a while but as you've seen I've had a fair bit to deal with recently and emphasis has now shifted to my own recovery from the fall I had on 9th May. This photo (which I already posted on the Notice Board page a couple of weeks ago) shows me with some of the 1964 Sloane intake in the Duke's Head at Putney -


L-R Sean Morris, Ray Reilly, Pete Bamford, Keith Grey, Gerald Hamerston, Pete Kosciolek, Me, Mick Jarvis


The photo was taken late afternoon and we all look resonably sober. It was only when we decided it was time to leave that things started to change. The air must have got to me (maybe the drink as well) as I don't remember catching the 270 from Putney to Mitcham but I must have done without too much trouble as I made it that far. It was getting off the bus ready to catch the next one that my problems began. I lost my footing and found myself face down on the pavement (having just missed a shop window), looking up at a number of people who had crowded round me no doubt waiting to see what the next episode in the comedy programme was going to be about. Apart from my face being a little scraped, bloodied, and worse for wear, with me lying in a pool of blood I'd have frightened off most onlookers but thankfully for me, not the two ladies who eventually got me onto another bus and escorted me home. It wasn't until the following day that the bruises started to show and the body started to ache. My thought processes were definitely getting slower too. Now, two weeks later, I'm showing signs of recovery. My nose is definitely crooked but not, I think, broken, and the bruising has almost cleared. The ribs on one side and one hip are still feeling the effects of my weight laying on them but it could all have been so much worse. I've been over to the chemist a couple of times this week (needs must) but, still feeling a little groggy, I haven't ventured too far. Incidentally, who remembers when they had a right knee and a left knee instead of a good one and a bad one?

To save you from a none too pleasant sight, I won't be publishing the video my wife took of me on her phone to send to our daughter. Not that I got any real sympathy from either of them as, typical women, the first thing they think of is the amount of drink I'd had and how it was all my fault. I dare say they video will be brought out again when they have a point to prove. Looking back, I believe I promised the wife I'd have 2 pints and be home by 10 but I always did get those two mixed up. I was in no mood for an argument anyway and  when a woman says "correct me if I'm wrong" do not under any, I mean any, circumstances do it. I didn't really fancy bruises on top of my bruises. And, as all men know, a good woman is by your side in bad times to tell you that none of this would have happened if you had just listened to her.

My sons have been a little more understanding. One sent me details of a new judo coach run scheme aimed at teaching older adults the skills they need to combat falls and the other has offered to take me out for a drink. No. he didn't! He actually snt me a regime to help me regain fitness -

You begin by standing on a comfortable surface where you have plenty of room at either side. With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your side and hold them there for as long as you can

The Office for Health Improvement and Disparities say that unadressed fall hazards in the home cost the NHS in England an estimated 435 million pounds with one in three adults over 65 and half of people over 80 will have at least one fall a year. Try to do it for a full minute, then relax. Eacg day you'll find that you can hold this position for just that little bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags. Then try 50-lb potato bags then eventually try to get to the point where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag. 

I'll let you know if it works - if you don't beat me to it.

One other good thing to come out of the visit to the Duke's Head. I've suggested to the boys that in future we sit a little closer to the toilets. Armed with this pictute I might even suggest we use a different pub next time. I've finally found one for over -70s:  -


 


Have you ever considered that the relationship between a husband and wife is psychological? One is psycho and the other is logical. I'm never quite sure which is which though. When I was feeling a little low last week I asked her "Why did you marry me?" and she said it was because of my sense of humour. I told her I thought it was because I was good in bed and she said,

"See what I mean? You're hilarious!"

I couldn't leave it at that so I told he,

"For the last 42 years all you've done is find mistakes in anything I say."

To which she replied,

"43 years."
 

You may have wondered why I didn't go to A & E if my accident was that bad. Well, apart from the fact that I'm a man and we don't believe anything is ever as bad as it seems, it was also because of an experience I had at the hospital as a young man. After stripping off when asked, the doctor immediately mentioned the fact that my genitalia was perfectly shaped like a saxophone . . . .

I explained that it was a family trait and we all had genitalia shaped like musical instruments. He was amazed and said,

"Well, in 27 years as a GP I've never seen anything like it. Having said that, I do remember a woman coming in a few years ago whose vagina was shaped like a mouth organ."

"Ah," I said, "That'll be our Monica".

Since then, of course, my distrust of the NHS has been compounded. My doctor told me that if I had a vasectomy I wouldn't have any kids. Economical with the truth, or what! I had the snip, got home, and the kids were still there! Haven't trusted them since.

I have been catching up on some reading while I've been laid low and one of the pieces I came across again was this, by Ward Tanneberg. His words may be something most of us will relate to -

 

"AND THEN IT IS WINTER. You know. . . time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years.

It seems just yesterday that I was young, just married and embarking on my new life with my mate. Yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all. I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams. But, here it is... the winter of my life and it catches me by surprise...How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my youth go?

I remember well seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that winter was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like. But, here it is...my friends are retired and getting grey...they move slower and I see an older person now. Some are in better and some worse shape than me...but, I see the great change....Not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant...but, like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we'd be.

Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore... it's mandatory! Cause if I don't on my own free will... I just fall asleep where I sit!

And so...now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things that I wish I had done but never did!

But, at least I know, that though the winter has come, and I'm not sure how long it will last...this I know, that when it's over on this earth...it's NOT over. A new adventure will begin!

Yes, I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn't done...things I should have done, but indeed, there are many things I'm happy to have done. It's all in a lifetime.

So, if you're not in your winter yet...let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life please do it quickly! Don't put things off too long!

Life goes by quickly. So, do what you can today, as you can never be sure whether this is your winter or not! You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life...so, live for today and say all the things that you want your loved ones to remember...and hope that they appreciate and love you for all the things that you have done for them in all the years past!

"Life" is a gift to you. The way you live your life is your gift to those who come after. Make it a fantastic one.

LIVE IT WELL! ENJOY TODAY! DO SOMETHING FUN! BE HAPPY! HAVE A GREAT DAY!

REMEMBER:....

"It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.

"LIVE HAPPY IN THIS YEAR AND EVERY YEAR!

LASTLY, CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING:

TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN, YET THE YOUNGEST YOU'LL EVER BE SO - ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS.

~Your kids are becoming you.......

~Going out is good.. Coming home is better!

~You forget names.... But it's OK because other people forgot they even knew you!!!

~You realize you're never going to be really good at anything. Well, most of us anyway.

~The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don't care to do them anymore.

~You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than in bed. It's called "pre-sleep".

~You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch..

~You tend to use more 4 letter words  - "what?"..."when?"

~Now that you can afford expensive jewellery, it's not safe to wear it anywhere.

~You notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!!

~What used to be freckles are now liver spots.

~Everybody whispers.

~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet.... 2 of which you will never wear.

~But Old is good in some things: Old Songs, Old films, and best of all, OLD FRIENDS!!

Stay well, "OLD FRIENDS!" 

It's Not What You Gather, But What You Scatter That Tells What Kind Of Life You Have Lived".


My quest to catch up on my reading goes on. About six weeks ago I ordered a book called "How to scam people". I'm a little worried that it hasn't arrived yet.

All being well (and none of us can be sure of that) I'll write again when I'm ready.

TTFN

Tiny

 

 

* * *
 

JOKES OF THE WEEK

 

 

*
 


*


It was entertainment night at the Care Home. Claude the hypnotist exclaimed:

'I'm here to put you all into a trance. I intend to hypnotise each and every member of the audience..'

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. The polished metal gleamed in the light.

Claude said:

'I want you each to keep your eyes on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations.'

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting,

'Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch...'

The crowd became mesmerised as the watch swayed back and forth, light shimmering off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, shattering into a hundred pieces...........................

'S**T!' said the hypnotist.

It took 3 days to clean up the Care Home.


*

 


*



*

Lord Nelson was 5ft 6in. His statue is 17ft 4in. That's Horatio of 3:1.

 

* * *

THOUGHTS OF THE WEEK

A Older Person's Version of Facebook


For those of muygeneration who do not, and cannot, comprehend why Facebook exists:

I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook whilst applying the same principles. So, every day I walk down the street and tell passers-by what I have eaten, how I feel at the moment, what I have done the night before, what I will do later and with whom. I give them pictures of myb family, my dog and of me gardening, taking things apart in the garage, watering the lawn, standing in front of landmarks, driving around town, having lunch and doing what anybody and everybody does every day. I also listen to their conversations, give them "thumbs up" and tell them I "like" them.

It works just like Facebook. I already have four people following me: two police officers, a private investigator and a psychiatrist.


*

 

Available now!
Just in time for your confused child's Christmas!

 


*

A mother knows all about children. She knows about dentist and hospital appointments, football matches, boyfriends, girlfriends and best friends, fears, hopes and dreams. A father is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Dylan Thomas – “The land of my father’s. My father can have it.

Don’t limit a child to your own learning, for he was born in another time.

Parents could learn a lot from their children about coping with life.

Nervous breakdowns are hereditary. We get them from our children.

Most women want babies but do they want children?

Parents are sometimes a bit of a disappointment to their children. They don’t fulfil the promise of their early years.

Having your son follow in your footsteps can be disconcerting, especially when you think you’ve covered your tracks

To become a father is not hard, to be a father is, however. I never gave children a second thought when I was making them, but I like them very much.

We never know the love of our parents for us until we have become parents.


*
 


*


Church Bulletins

 
They're back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for  church ladies with typewriters.
These sentences ( with all the BLOOPERS ) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: -

--------------------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon
 tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
--------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
--------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------
Miss Josephine Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving  obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all
 the help they can get.
--------------------------
George Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.  Music will follow.
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is  Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
--------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
--------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
 Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'

 

*


The Church is not alone when it comes to dealing with people who have trouble with the English language -


Extracts  from letters written to local councils: -
 
1) It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

2) I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

3) I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the             hole in his back passage.

4) Their 18 year old  son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

5) I wish to  report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the       other day that blew them off.

 6) My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

 7) I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

 8) Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it                      yesterday and now she is pregnant.

 9) I request permission to remove my drawers in the  kitchen.
  
 10) 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain  filthy.

 11) I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

 12) The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

 13) Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to  drink.

 14) Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three  pieces.

 15) I want to complain about the farmer across the road..  Every morning at 6am his cock wakes         me up and it's now getting too much for  me.

 16) The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and                          dangerous.

 17) Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would  like a third, so please send                  someone round to do something about  it.

 18) I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about                the noise made by the man on top of me every  night.

 19) Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

 20) I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no  satisfaction.

 21) This is to let you  know that our lavatory seat is broke and we  can't get BBC2.

 22) My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in  it.

 23) He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just  can't take it any  more.

 

*


 


* * *

 

The Story of The NEVERWELLS (WHO ARE NEVER OUT OF TROUBLE)


Many years ago I picked up a small book at a car boot sale and now, with over three years in the world of Covid behind us, I thought it might be a good time to share its contents with you. 

The book in question, published in 1948 (the year the NHS came into being), is titled The Story of The Neverwells (Who Are Never Out Of Trouble) and was written by William Edwards, a doctor, under the pseudonym Dr. Goodenough.

The Neverwells included mum and dad, their small boy Billy, growing-up Mary and baby Roy, and came into being after the Editor of The People newspaper met two people on a train. One of them was a doctor friend of the Editor's, 'a kindly soul yet a man of the world who has one of the biggest practices in the South of England.' He said: 

"I am rushed off my feet these days. And in most cases I need not have been called in at all, if only people had a simple knowledge about ordinary illnesses."

Later, the Editor found himself talking to a woman passenger with two children -

"They're not too strong," she said, "always under the doctor with one thing or another. It's never serious you know, but the trouble is you can never be sure and so you must call the doctor."

The same night as he had spoken to the two people on the train, the Editor of The People telephoned his doctor friend and asked him if he would become Dr. Goodenough and write for him every week the story of a family - the Neverwell family - about their complaints and how he treated them, and in simple language so that ordinary people could at last learn the elementary things about illness.

For over a year before the book was published, Dr. Goodenough entertained and instructed People readers every week with the story of the never-ending complaints of the Neverwells. There were words of wisdom and understanding in these little features as well. So much so that, increasingly, the People was inundated with letters from readers asking for a book to be written. Hence, the book I picked up some 30 years after it was first published I now bring to you each time I update this Home Page of the website. I hope you find some enjoyment in its pages and can see the comparisons it enables us to make between the way medicine was practiced back then and how much it has advanced in such a relatively short space of time whilst the personal touch has moved in the opposite direction.

The following piece concerns Uncle Joe and his Asthma. Spare him a thought and spare yet another for Dr. Goodenough and the things he's called upon to deal with -

Mr. Neverwell came into Dr. Goodenough's surgery, accompanied by an elderly man, who had a grey face, sunken cheeks, a barrel shaped chest, and a distressing wheeze.

"My Uncle Joe" said Mr. Neverwell, by way of introduction.

"He's come to stay with us and his asthma's come on something shocking, hasn't it, uncle?"

"Quite right my boy, said Uncle Joe. "Something shocking."

Anyone who comes to stay in that house is asking for it, thought Dr. Goodenough; but he didn't say it aloud. Instead, he asked Uncle Joe how long he had suffered from asthma.

"All my life, doctor. Born with it, you might say."

"Then that's a world's record," said the doctor. "I've sen plenty of young children with it, but I've never seen one born with it yet. I suppose you mean you've had it as long as you can remember. Does anything special bring an attack on?"

"Cats do," said Uncle, with a malignant look at his nephew.

"He can't stand our cat in the room - or so he says," said Mr. Neverwell, who evidently thought Uncle Joe pretty unreasonable in his attitude to Pussy.

"Anything else?" asked the doctor.

"Rice pudding used to, but I ain't had any for a long time."

"You're telling me!" said Mr. Neverwell, who liked rice in his curry.

"And I can't eat pork; and if I have an eiderdown on the bed it means I'm awake all night."

"The number of things Uncle blames for his asthma. . ." said Mr. Neverwell, pityingly.

"Funny thing, you know," said the doctor, "but I expect he's quite right."

"There you are," said Uncle Joe. "Told you so!"

"I should say he is a very observant man. The trouble with most of the asthmatics I see is that, although they've had the disease for years, they are usually pretty vague about what brings an attack on. You're wheezing pretty badly now. I'll give you an injection and make it easier."

Dr. Goodenough gave him an injection of adrenaline, and, within a few minutes, the wheezing stopped.

"That's better," said Uncle Joe, gratefully. "I've had those injections before. Wi sh I could have one every time I have an attack."

"Well, you could learn to give yourself one," said the doctor. "But if you don't, you can take ephedrine tablets, which have a similar effect."

"Tried 'em," said Uncle Joe. "No good."

"What sort of dose?"

"Just one of those little tablets - half grain."

"Nothing like enough. Two or three grains would do the trick. Say one grain every half hour for five or six doses. Your asthma is an allergic type - that is, you are sensitive to various things, like cats' hair, rice, pork, and feathers; and you should avoid them if possible. Trouble is there are so many of them that it is very difficult to do so. I shouldn't be surprised if you are snsitive to the ordinary dust about the house."

"Won't have a duster used in my house," said Uncle Joe. "Death to me, a duster is. Make 'em dust with a wet swab, when I'm at home. Wish I could get cured, though."

"Not easy at your age," said the doctor. "You've had it too long. Might have been possible in your teens - but now you've chronic bronchitis added to it, owing to all the strain your lungs have had, and you're so sensitised that the least thing fires you off. You could have one of these new anti-histamine capsules, and take one every night. It would help you to sleep, and you'd feel better in the mornings. I don't think I should go on staying here, if I were you. Get back home, where you've got things taped. Holidays are no good to asthmatics - unless they take sea cruises. Too many dusts, too many unknown factors. Stay where you've learnt to live with your surroundings."

"I reckon I will," said Uncle Joe, getting up. "But, first, I'll get you to give me a lesson in injecting. I feel lots better. Show me how it's done."

"All right," said Dr. Goodenough, and gave him a demonstration. So Uncle Joe's troubles were settled, and everyone was happy till the next afternoon, when Mary came home with a note to say she had fainted in school.

What could possibly be up with Mary? Is she just a dizzy-headed little blonde or perhaps she's pregnant? Surely not! Join us next time to learn more about what causes Fainting.
 

* * *

 

* * * * *

 

The Home We Called Sloane
 

 

The Sloane building seen from Hortensia Road in 1908  


The Sloane building was 100 years old in 2008, although it didn't actually start life as a boys' school until after the First World War, during which it served as a hospital. It still stands and many memories are, no doubt, ingrained in its walls along with the odd name and ribald comment. Who knows what the future holds, despite its Grade II listing on May 7th, 2002. Grade II listed buildings can be altered, extended, or even demolished, but only with Local Authority consent, so it may be that the building is considered historically or architecturally interesting enough for it's fabric to remain untouched. Some consideration may have been given to it having been the first purpose-built secondary school in London, and it is certainly one of only 3% of all ages of listed buildings that was built in the 20th century. Schools generally are seen as a good investment by developers because they're easy to convert. They are likely to be structurally sound because the authorities will have inspected them regularly to ensure they comply with Health and Safety requirements. 

To learn more about what has happened to the building we left behind visit the Sloane Today page once you've become a registered member.

                                                             

Sadly, Sloane Grammar School for Boys only lasted 51 years, from 1919-1970. Sloane old boy John Binfield, in one of his poems, writes -

... the school, with
All its past, was sucked into a huge
Turbulent sea of glass in Pimlico
And sank without trace. "full fathom five..

Sea nymphs hourly ring his knell.
Hark, now I hear them. Ding-dong bell".

The exterior of the building still survives in the form we all remember even if the interior doesn't. It would have been wonderful to have been able to celebrate, in 2019, what would have been its centenary as a boys' school, had it remained in existence as such. Unfortunately, for us, it wasn't to be, and the Covid-19 pandemic that gripped the world in 2020 and beyond didn't allow for a late celebration either . Maybe one day...... 
 

Sloane seen from the rear in 2014

 

* * *
   

This Website And The British Library's Web Archive


Please Note: - The school building still remains but not as a school. I've tried to preserve as much of its history and old boys' memories of it as I can, on this website. You might like to know that once I'm no longer around and have shuffled off to that classroom in the sky, this website will remain intact. Once my monthly payments to the Class Creator programmers cease the site will continue but to compensate them for their loss it will display adverts. If you're still around, you'll still be able to Log In to the site and carry on much as you did when I was alive. Naturally, the site will look exactly as it did (apart from the adverts) on the day I died. What will not be possible are any new members, unlikely as that is, as I won't be here to verify they are who they say they are.

In addition, in 2013 , just before the Legal Deposit regulations came into force, I asked to register the website with the British Library's UK Web Archive as one of historical interest and they agreed. So, when none of us are unable to Log In anymore or the Class Creator business ceases to operate, it will still be available for access by our children and grandchildren etc., as well as future historians, at this address -
 

Web Archiving
The British Library
96 Euston Road
London NW1 2DB
United Kingdom
Tel: +44 (0)20 7412 7184
E-mail: web-archivist@bl.uk


Since 2013, publishers need to give a copy of every UK publication they make to the British Library. Five other major UK libraries may also ask to be given a copy. This system is called legal deposit and it's been a part of English law since 1662.

Print publications for legal deposit can be books, journals, sheet music, maps, plans, charts or tables. Now legal deposit also covers material published digitally such as websites, blogs, e-journals and CD-ROMs.

Legal deposit has many benefits for publishers and authors. The deposited publications can be read inside the British Library and will be preserved for future generations. Their works become part of the nation’s heritage, providing inspiration for new books and other publications.

Unfortunately, in the case of websites, the British Library say that much of the information contained in them cannot be archived for technical reasons. In addition, as almost all this website's pages are Password Protected, it will be impossible for them to be accessed unless I remove that restriction. At some point I will give the British Library's 'web crawler' access to our Password Protected pages to allow it to take a 'snapshot' of the site on a daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly or 6-monthly basis. At the time of writing this, 2020, their system doesn't have the capability to crawl and archive private content that sits behind a Log In procedure. They will never be allowed access to members' Profiles and the personal information they contain.

The current generation of web crawlers cannot capture:

  • Interactive, dynamically generated content
  • Content that is only available via a search engine on the website, or some other form submission method
  • Some types of JavaScript-driven menus
  • YouTube videos, Flash movies and similar streaming audio or video (some audio and video files can be captured, e.g. those embedded via the standard HTML5 <video> or <audio> tags).

Unlike static HTML, which is relatively easy to capture, script code is very hard for traditional web crawlers to analyse, which is why the Library runs web browsers for a limited part of their crawls. Even that cannot capture very interactive web sites, like single-page web applications, or any site feature that needs a remote server to function. In practical terms this means that entering queries into the search box of an archived version of a website will not work. Standard links on the website, however, will work as normal.

Some JavaScript driven menus do not function well once archived. YouTube videos, Flash movies, and similar streaming audio or video are also beyond the capability of web crawlers. However, as members of the International Internet Preservation Consortium, contributors to the UK Web Archive are developing tools which will help capture this content in the future.

Attempts are made to gather all of the objects associated with a website including html, images, PDF documents, audio and video files and other objects such as programming scripts. However, the crawler software cannot automatically gather any material that is protected behind a password, without the owner's collaboration. Web site owners may however choose to divulge confidentially a user ID and password to allow archiving of these areas. So, as I said, I'll collaborate with the British Library to allow them to gather only non-invasive non-personal information behind the password protection if and when their archiving system becomes capable of it .

Should you wish to visit the UK Web Archive to see what it makes available for viewing or if you know of a website that you think deserves preservation, use this link -

https://www.webarchive.org.uk/ukwa/info/nominate


* * *
 

Whatever our own personal reasons for it doing so, the school will still haunt most of us even if it disappears altogether. With that tenuous link, here's a poem that I came across in a copy of The Cheynean -

 


The Ghost of Sloane

 


 
When London's asleep and the School very quiet,
No sound of footsteps, no sound of a riot,
No sound of even the shuffle of feet,
No sound of the creak of a pupil's seat,
Out of the darkness the ghost of Sloane
Awakes from rest with a sigh and a groan.
Then up he arises to haunt the School
Climbing the stairs in the guise of a ghoul.
He shuffles and clanks down each corridor
Into the classrooms where stand desks galore.
He examines each desk and checks the boys' work,
Allots ghostly marks in the dark and the murk.

If you ever lose books from out of your desk,
And the teacher upbraids you and calls you a pest,
Just tell him my story, however tall,
Of the white shrouded phantom that haunts the School Hall.

                                                    J. Hollingshead (3C)


As for us, the boys who used to attend our Chelsea school, we probably considered ourselves 'Chelsea men' but I doubt that many of us fitted the description in this poem, written when he was in the 5th year by one time Sloane Schoolboy, A R Doubledee. I get the impression he didn't particularly approve of the 'Beatniks' of the late 50s and early 60s that he found himself sharing Chelsea with or, as he called them the 'Weirdies' -                                                                        

 
The Weirdies



The Chelsea man is excessively queer,
He only drinks coffee and doesn't like beer.
He's always "chatting" the girls, and yet
This seems to make him "one of the set".

His unkempt chin and uncut hair
Go with his feet which are usually bare.
If he wears shoes, they've never got soles,
And he's usually found in Bohemian holes.


His outsize sweater is generally black
Contrasting well with his shorty mac.
He wears his clothing merely to show
That he can keep up with the boys of Soho.


To find a girl he doesn't look far,
But into the nearest coffee bar,
Where he's sure to meet a Bohemian "yob".
They're all from Chelsea - what a mob!


The girls with hair right down their backs
Wear irregular clothes that look like sacks.
They walk about wearing father's sweater:
I really don't see why he should let 'er.


Their gaudy clothes of reds and greens
Match up with the style of their men-friends' jeans.
Now that's how it goes with the latest style:
Girls on their faces make-up pile,
The men wear anything they can find -
I shouldn't stare, I should just act blind!


A.R. Doubledee (5b)

* * * 

                                            

                                         


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If you would like to support this web site please click the Donate button at the foot of this box. Donations can be made by PayPal, or with a regular credit card if you do not have a PayPal account. PayPal deduct a fee from any donation, so if you'd rather not pay one, please send a cheque in my name to my home address, which you'll find on my Profile. Many thanks. Thanks also to Classmate Stefan Bremner-Morris for the cartoon below.  


 

DONATION ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:

You'll find a list of all those who have already donated on the Sloane School Pupil Lists page. The number of those who have donated currently stands at 76, many more than once. My thanks to you all. 

 


PROFILE UPDATES


•   Robert Titton  26/5
•   Bob Johnson  25/5
•   David Hatchard  22/5
•   Mark Foulsham  22/5
•   David Mitchell  21/5
•   Keith Grey  21/5
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IN MEMORIAM UPDATES


•   Peter Craske  2019
•   Dr Ralph Henry  2001
•   Cuthbert Bailey  1987
•   Stuart J Thrussell  2022
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•   Mike Batt  2023
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•   John Walters  2019
•   William Roger Hugh  2010
•   Victor Scott  2023
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