Gary Grice

Failing to hear a hearty chuckle from the peanut gallery, and knowing we have many movie buffs in the audience, maybe this will spur a lighthearted moment.  Later.

*********

Things I Learned From Movies

1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
2. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.
3. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
4. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
5. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.
6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
7. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
8. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
9. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
10. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15cm.
11. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.
12. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.
13. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.
14. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
15. All single women have a cat.
16. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
17. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.
18. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
19. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.
20. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.
21. During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back.
22. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
23. Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.
24. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
25. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
26. Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's eighth birthday.
27. Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and accordions - can be played without moving the fingers.
28. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
29. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
30. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
31. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

Gary Grice

Now a word for anti-Mother's Day with a few "Yo Momma" lines.  Later.

Diane Harris (Moore)

Jimmy Willis

HI HO---HI HO--- IT'S OFF TO WORK SHE GOES! I AM VERY

PROUD DIANE, THANKS !

HAVE A GREAT DAY FOLKS!

Donald Chandler

I hope all you mothers and “yo mommas” out there had a great Mother’s Day weekend.  We have had a rough week here in the Chandler household as Liz has been very sick with some of the same symptoms she had last Fall with the Swine Flu… high fever and chills, shortness of breath, fatigue, no appetite, etc..  We missed church last Wednesday and this past Sunday too.  After an appointment with her doctor and her urologist, things seem to be better, and she is being treated for both a respiratory infection and kidney infection.  I might add that I am the Chief Nurse here.  Connie… I must say that I really appreciate you and ALL nurses more and more every day.  And I understand that this week (or was it last week) is National Nurses Appreciation Week.  I salute you Connie, and Jim’s daughter, and all nurses everywhere.

Well, my last place Atlanta Braves have been on the warpath lately and won three games in a row!  They swept the Brewers in Milwaukee… I’ll drink to that!  They finally seem to be getting the bats going, and if they can keep the good hitting and defense going with the good pitching, things will be fine.  I hope that Jim and Gail (the two Braves fans I know about here on our forum) are still hanging in there with them.  Don’t give up folks!  Go Braves!

By the way, Jim… I guess you saw that Tiger withdrew from that golf tournament last weekend, complaining of a “pain in the neck”.  I’m sure he has had what he would consider many “pains in the neck” and “pains in the _ _ _“ the last few months.

And finally… did you hear about the Congressman who was asked what he thought about “ignorance and apathy” and responded “I don’t know, and I don’t care.”  Yeah, I know it’s an old joke but, frankly my dear...

Enjoy the rest of your week mates.

Jimmy Willis

GOOD MORNING FOLKS,

DON, SOUNDS LIKE YOU REALLY GOT A CHANCE TO SHOW YOUR WIFE

HOW MUCH YOU APPRECIATE HER THIS WEEKEND. LIZ WE HOPE YOU

ARE FEELING BETTER. THERE SEEMS TO BE SOME SPRING BUG MAKING

THE ROUNDS. ANYWAY, HOPE ALLS BETTER NOW.

DON, I CAN'T FIGURE OUT THIS BRAVES TEAM. ONE DAY THEY ARE

WORLD BEATERS THE NEXT THEY COULDN'T STAY IN THE PARK WITH OUR

HIGH SCHOOL TEAM. WHAT'S UP?! I DO NOT UNDERSTAND PLAYERS

TODAY. IF SOMEBODY GETS A HANGNAIL THEY ARE OUT FOR TWO

WEEKS.  SOMEBODY NEEDS A GOOD JACKING UP! I BET IF

TEAMS STARTED SENDING PLAYERS DOWN TO THE MINORS AND

PAYING THEM MINOR LEAGUE PAY, IT WOULD GET SOMETHINGS

TURNED AROUND! I MEAN COME ON THESE GUYS INVENT INJURIES

OR IT SEAMS THEY TRY TO FIND A REASON NOT TO PLAY! AND TIGER

AN INFLAMED NECK! COME ON! HE WAS LOSING AND HAD NO

REASON FOR IT!!! WE JUST HOPE SOMEDAY WE CAN FIELD A FULL

TEAM THAT REALLY WANTS TO PLAY.

HAVE A GREAT DAY MATES!

Gary Grice

Happy Birthday Susan!  Should be an easy one for me to remember - it is also my oldest daughter's birthday.  Her special present was find out she will be have a little girl!  That will be five grand-daughters and two grand-sons!   We are really excited!!!!  I'll be helping my son-in-law (youngest daughter) enclose their garage this weekend.  Looks like a fun project.  I've discovered over my years that garages are much better places for kids than cars.  With their two little ones and him working nights - they need the room. 

Don, glad Liz is feeling better and AMEN to the good words on the nurses.  I've appreciated their services more than a few times.  Jim, congrats on finishing school - when's the wedding?  That's the next big transition.  Once they are all married you can take a brief breath before the grand-kids start coming - and then its non-stop!!!  Sherron spends some weeks keeping one of them every day - and now we will have one for every day of the week!  But I love 'em!

Hope you all have a blessed weekend.  Later.

Jimmy Willis

BELEIVE IT OR NOT THAT'S IN OCT. GARY. MY OLDEST KAREN GETS MARRIED.

PO---PO ME!

LATER

Jimmy Willis

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANE! WE HOPE YOU HAVE MANY MANY MORE!!!

BIG WEEKEND AGAIN THIS WEEK, GRAND NIECE HAS A DANCE RECITAL

TONITE! SHE'S THREE AND EXPECTS EVERYONE THERE, I WOULDN'T

MISS IT FOR NOTHING!

ANYWAY, HOPE EVERYONE'S WELL SO YOU CAN ENJOY A GREAT DAY

AND WEEKEND. NEXT WEEK FOLKS!!!

BRAVES WIN---BRAVES WIN!!!

Donald Chandler

Sunday Greetings,

I have a PRAYER REQUEST for all you friends and PRAYER WARRIORS out there.  Liz has not been feeling well for almost two weeks now, and even though the fever is better, she is still dealing with infection in her body.  She went to the doctor again Thursday and her blood test results were not good.  The doctor diagnosed her with "KIDNEY FAILURE".  Not good news.  She has been prescribed a new medication, and has been scheduled for a CT scan tomorrow (Monday) at noon.  I would ask that you please lift her up in your prayers, and pray for a good report.  Pray that Almighty God would guide and direct the doctors and medical staff in the proper treatment for her and a complete healing of her body.  I am grateful for each of you.  May God bless you all. 

By the way... I saw a post on Facebook that David Wall had passed away.  I did not know David very well but do remember him.  I send out my prayers and condolences to his family and friends.

Connie Morgan (White)

Don, I so hope that Liz is soon better!!  Y'all are in my prayers.

Yes, David Wall died.  Also, I saw in today's paper that Lanny McFalls died.

Jimmy, my congratulations to your daughter (and family) for the completion of school!  An exciting milestone in life's journey!!

 Susan and Jane, please accept my late, but sincere happy birthday wishes!

Gary, congrats. on the news your family is expanding.  Those grandchildren are such a blessing.

Thoughts and love going out to all of you.

Diane Harris (Moore)

Gary Grice

Happy Monday!  Thanks Diane for the obit heads up.  I was so sorry to hear about Lanny.  I updated Lanny's profile.  Some of you may want to add comments on his "In Memory" page.

I am moving slow this AM.  I tested my age and stamina this weekend helping my son-in-law with his garage.  We started Friday about 8:00 AM and quit about 8:30 PM.  Back at it by 9:00 AM Saturday and quite about 6:00 PM.  Sunday, I couldn't move and today I'm in slow motion!  A "few" years ago I finished off a basement and could grab a 4 x 8 piece of sheetrock, hoist it over my head, hold it in place against the ceiling joist and screw it in place - all by myself.  Now, I could hardly slide it a few feet across the floor.  Time has certainly taken its toll on this old body.  I need to get back into an exercise routine.  Sherron and I were talking about how people age and why some seem to be more active longer than others.  We look after a lady (Miss Shirley) that is 85 and was walking 3 miles a day until just recently when she go sick with several infections all at once.  Now she struggles with one mile (still not bad) but not what her mind wants to do.  She compares herself to her 90+ year old friend that goes out to eat every other day and travels to Florida often.  We've also watched another couple who lives across the street go down rapidly.  He had a mini-stroke that left him with vertigo and she had several mini-strokes and has dementia real bad.  Just a "few" years ago, they would walk 18 holes of golf twice a week.  Based on our casual observations, we concluded that you can keep going as long as you keep going!  Nothing profound there but once you sit down or are forced to sit down due to illness, stoke, fall, whatever, you just don't come back as strong.  I appreciate Diane mentioning going to exercise classes, you go girl!  It motivates me to "keep going" when a recliner is whispering my name.  Now, about the peach cobbler .....   Later.

Gary Grice

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in   Antarctica  - where do they go ? 
Wonder no more ! ! ! 
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. 
The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in  the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

                         "Freeze a jolly good fellow"
 
                         "Freeze a jolly good fellow."

                         "Then they kick him in the ice hole." 
  
                      
You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you!
 

LATER!!!! 

Donald Chandler

I was very sorry to hear about the passing of Lanny McFalls.  I didn't get to know him very well either but I have learned that Lanny and I (and Ron too) did have something in common... we were all three born on the exact same day... August 8, 1950.  My sympathies go out to his family. 

Gary Grice

Happy Wednesday!  I decided to increase my exercising and went for a little jog in the park.  As you can see, some took exception to my attire.  Well it was quite warm.  Have to run, with clothes this time, to see the judge and clear up this little misunderstanding.  Where is Dennis when I need him?!?  Hope you all are having a blessed week.  Later.

Diane Harris (Moore)

Gary Grice

Diane I guess you and Dick are one the road by now.  I hope you have a safe trip and an wonderful stay in Georgia.  Looking back, its been a while since we heard from Don.  I hope Liz is okay.  Jim I guess is off celebrating graduation and/or standing on a street corner with a tin cup - getting ready for the upcoming wedding.  Connie (?) can't figure where she's been.  Hope everything is okay.  Got a busy next few days myself so I will probably be scarce also.  So til next time - Later.

Gary Grice

Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

4. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat supper at 4 pm..

9. You can live without sex but not your glasses..

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15 . Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

Later.

Donald Chandler

Gary... you just ain't right, man.  I don't know whether to go jogging or look for my glasses.

Liz had the CT scan of her kidneys on Monday followed by an appointment with her Urologist, and an appointment with a Kidney Specialist yesterday.  They assure us that she does NOT have "kidney failure" but she does have "chronic kidney disease".  She has been prescribed some new medications for treatment.  It is serious enough but not as bad as we first expected, THANK GOD.  She has an appointment to see a Lung Specialist tomorrow for her respiratory infection.  She no longer has the high fever and the chills.  She was scheduled to have surgery on her left knee on June 1st, but that has been postponed for now.  I may have to get out my Duct Tape to help hold her together. 

We are grateful for your continued prayers.

Have a safe trip to Georgia, Diane and Dick.  Enjoy the rest of your week, mates!

Braves Win!  Braves Win!...  Another game on tap this afternoon.

Jimmy Willis

AFTERNOON FOLKS,

BEEN KINDA BUSY LATELY GUYS. NOTHING GOING ON OTHER

THAN JUST BUSY, MAKE DO STUFF! GARY, YOUR RIGHT ABOUT

THE TIN CUP THING! I BEEN DOING MY BEST TO TALK THESE

WOMEN IN TAKING $7000. AND JUST ELOPE! I TOLD THEM I'LL

EVEN SPRING FOR THE HONEYMOON! GIVE ME A BREAK GUYS!

JUST TAKE IT AND GO! PLEA--S---E!

YOU LISTENING TO THE BRAVES DON. THEY HAVE MADE IT A GAME!

BROOKS CONRADE JUST HIT A GRANT SLAM TO WIN THE GAME!

MAN!!! BRAVES WIN! BRAVES WIN! BRAVES WIN IN MAGICAL FASHION!!!!

Donald Chandler

Yogi said it and I'll quote him again, "IT AIN'T OVER 'TIL IT'S OVER!"  Yes, Jim...  I was tuned in to the Braves game this afternoon.  I heard part of the game on radio and saw part on TV.  The Braves were down early 8-0 and were behind 9-3 in the bottom of the ninth inning.  They scored 7 runs in the ninth, topped off by Conrad's walk off grand slam to win 10-9.  NEVER GIVE UP!

BRAVES WIN!  BRAVES WIN! 

Kathy Carter (Campbell)

HI EVERYONE,

Don, i'm glad Liz is doing better.

Jim, I'm certain you are proud of that daughters graduation.

The "sexy seven" are getting together for a graet weekendbeginning tomorrow. We're looking forward to a "Ritzy" weekend.

Hope all of you have a good weekend.

Gary Grice

I swore I wouldn't do this but I can't keep quiet any more.  Yesterday our country (Congress) was lectured to on virtue by a whore!  The Mexican President was used by our President to promot a political agenda without consideration for the well being of MY country.  PBO rails against a bill that he admits he has never read along with his Director of Homeland Security and the Attorney General.  This is getting to be a habit for this administration and I"M DAMN MAD!  Upon finishing his virtue lecture, the whore was questioned on his country's immigration laws.  Immigrants must complete papers, mental testing and they MUST prove their worth to Mexico or they are not allowed in.  IF they do enter Mexico without the papers, they are jailed or deported!  SAY WHAT!!!  PBO must be the smartest President we have ever had.  It totally escapes me how continued spending, plunging the country further and further in debt, passing judgement without even READING THE LAW, and creating HATE and DISCONTENT is very smart.

There, now I feel better.  I hope you all have a BLESSED weekend.  Later.

Donald Chandler

Amen, Gary.  Sometimes... a man's just gotta vent!  It's maddening.  I listened to our so-called Attorney General being questioned a few days ago in a hearing by someone that was not afraid to ask the right questions.  He admitted that he had NOT EVEN READ the Arizona law and yet condemned it!.  The truth is the ONLY difference between it and the existing Federal Law is that Arizona is actually ENFORCING IT!  It is all political BULL by Obama and Democrat Socailist Bedwetters to buy Spanish speaking votes!  It is CRAZY!  There... I feel better too.

Thanks, Kathy.  Hope you and the "Sexy Seven" have a great weekend at the RITZ!  I did not get an invitation myself, but I understand.  I guess us guys were left out.  No, wait... I think I see Gary jogging that way now... wearing his birthday suit.

Well, the Braves are on a roll... no longer in last place.  Hope they can keep it going and take the weekend series against the Pittsburgh Pie Rats.

If Liz feels up to it, I think we're going out on a Friday night date... to see "Alice in Wonderland" and maybe have a Mexican Dinner... in honor of our "great neighbors" South of the Border.  :-)

Hasta Luego, Amigos.  Have a great weekend!