Getting Old Isn't Funny, Or..

 This month's "Getting Old Isn't Funny!" . . . . . . .Or is it?

Entered on May 1, 2020:

When I am an Old Woman

I shall wear purple

With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.

And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves,

and satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired,

And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells,

And run my stick along the public railings

And make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain

And pick the flowers in other people's gardens

And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat

And eat three pounds of sausages at a go

Or only bread and a pickle for a week,

And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry

And pay our rent and not swear in the street,

And set a good example for the children.

We will have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?

So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised

When suddenly I am old and start to wear purple.



A Poem for 80-year-olds

Though I’d let my doctor check me

‘Cause I didn’t feel quite right;

All those aches and pains annoyed me

And I couldn’t sleep at night.


He could find no real disorder,

But he wouldn’t let it rest;

What with Medicare and Blue Cross,

It wouldn’t hurt to do some test.


To the hospital he sent me

Though I didn’t feel that bad;

He arranged for them to give me

Every test that could be had.


I was Fluoroscoped and Cystoscoped,

My aging frame displayed;

Striped upon an ice-cold table

While my gizzards were X-rayed.


I was checked for worms and parasites,

For fungus and the crud;

While they pierced me with long needles

Taking samples of my blood.


Doctors came to check me over,

Probed and pushed and poked around;

And to make sure I was living

They wired me for sound.


They have finally concluded

Their results have filled a page;

What I have will someday kill me,

My affliction is just OLD AGE!


Some Senior Humor 

While on a road trip, an elderly couple, Phil and Helen, stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch.  After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip.
When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes.
By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance on the interstate before they could find a place to turnaround to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.  All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grumpy old man.
He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive.  The more he chided her, the more agitated he became.  He just wouldn't let up for a single minute
To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant.  As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, “While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card.”
This coming week is National Senior Mental Health Week.  You can do YOUR part by remembering to contact at least one unstable Senior to show you care.
  I have now done MY part.












Everything is further away that it used to be.

It is twice as far to the corner, and I notice that they've added a hill.

I've given up running for the bus; it leaves faster than it used to.

It seems they're making the stairs steeper than in the old days, too.

And have you noticed the smaller print they now use in the newspaper?

There is no sense in asking anyone to read aloud - everyone speaks in such low voices I an hardly hear them.

The material in clothes made today -- so skimpy now -- especially around the waist.

It's almost impossible to reach my shoelaces and I can't figure out why.

Even people are changing.  They are so much younger than they used to be when I was their age.  On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am.  I ran across an old classmate the other day, and he had aged so badly he didn't even recognize me!!!


Remember when drinking beer was a whole lot of fun?  Maybe for you it still is!  At any rate, for real beer "affionadoes" when something terrible happens to your beer, it can be a maddening situation.

Here is a video of serious BEER TRAGEDIES




Old Is When...

A sexy babe or hunk catches your fancy....  

And your pacemaker opens the garage door!