LIFE LESSONS I LEARNED

1. Pain teaches lessons in depth – my most vivid lessons were learned through pain, particularly emotional pain. Change never happens unless there is discomfort in the present environment or circumstances.  The lessons are difficult but deeply imprinted on the mind and in the soul. They are never forgotten.
2. When a child (or maybe a spouse or sibling) acts most obnoxiously is when he or she most needs a hug and needs to know love.  Signs of affection touch the heart and move more closely to truth than thousands of words and volumes of space between two frozen hearts.
3. Random acts of kindness will save the world…and may be the only thing that will.  These are easy – a smile, a thank-you, an opened door, an anonymous gift, a card, an understanding word.  Random acts are usually small, spontaneous, and ripple out far beyond what you will ever see or imagine.  Also, compliments, genuinely expressed, mean so very much and are, unfortunately, rare.
4. I will die remembering the harsh words, disservices to individuals, and selfish acts I have committed.  I wish I could take them back because they haunt me.  But I have learned my memory, entrenched in guilt, is much stronger than that of those I hurt. Yes, there are times I have asked. Forgiveness of self is perhaps the hardest to accomplish.
5. The older I get, the more beautiful is the smile of a child.  Nurturing and caring grow stronger as I age.  I cry over cards, music, ads on TV, stories on the internet sent to me, and I have turned into a weepy, emotional blubberer.  And yet, I do not care to change this ability to feel deeply, to be human.
6. I am trying to learn to be still and I am failing miserably.  I think I was hyperactive as a child, but never diagnosed.  I have an unfortunate need to fill my time, to prove concretely I am OK and worthwhile.  My most challenging lesson is to believe I am worthwhile just to be me, without adornments, actions, and doing, doing, doing.
7. Learning is a lifelong journey.  There is always something new, interesting, exciting, and challenging.  The difficulty is to not run randomly in all directions so learning is fragmented.  Another difficulty is that all lessons are not fun or easy.
8. Always say what needs to be said so others can hear it.  Sometimes lessons and opinions are harsh, difficult. Remember to think through what you wish to say and find a “golden bridge” in words that are positive and that can be both heard and accepted by the listener. Say words with caring, not hubris.
9. Give more than you expect to receive.  These are the true gifts from the heart. When one gives anticipating reciprocation or specific responses, the gift has strings and is not really a gift. Gifts also need not be tangible but can be deeds, services, or words.
10. Remember to reframe negative thoughts into positive, constructive perceptions when everyone can listen, learn, and benefit.
11. Be gentle.  Everyone has internal softness.  Anger and aggression are covers for feelings of fear, insecurity, inadequacy, worthlessness.  Find a way past walls and barriers to “real.”

Janice:  Beautiful lessons learned and beautifully written.  Thank you.  Allen